Vortex
by Karen
Score: 56
Judge #1: This is again a very bizarre story . . . so bizarre that I had to read it about four times to really understand it. Grammar problems, formatting issues, and the general flow make it very difficult to read, and it's missing so much of the meat it could have . . . Again, there were decent details but it was so jaggedly assembled it just frustrated the reader trying to read it.
Judge #2: Well, I don't remember reading anything else on Jeremy and the Gamesmaster, so that's why I gave this a 7/10 for originality. The main problem is that I really can't follow the fic; I've got no clue what's happening in a number of places. If you're going to use hallucinations or astral experiences in fics, you need to make sure they're integrated at least somewhat. I have no clue what Cordelia Frost is doing there, and she doesn't even seem like the Cordelia Frost I remember reading about the comics. Some of the plot developments are less than plausible, as well; are his parents honestly going to believe that their son will be just the same as he was if you remove half his brain? You have some run-on sentences, some problems with punctuation, some places where you don't capitalize, some incomplete sentences, and the formatting really doesn't help. There's no rhyme or reason to the placement of the sections in bold, the unjustified left margin makes it difficult to read, and when you show the characters' internal thought, you often only place something marking that at the end of the thought, rather than at the end and the beginning. The cohesion really is the most problematic thing; you introduce plot elements, like Mr. Stevens' involvement with the Right, then drop them, and there's no clear sense of the passage of time in the fic.
Judge #3: The story was interesting, but I could not help but feel that it was more a GenX story than an X-Force one.
Tolerance
by Denise Keppel
Score: 81.6
Judge #1: As I've warned you before, I do not agree with the subjects in this fic nor do I believe that it was in character for the majority of characters to behave as they are portrayed doing in this fic. I don't find them particularly convincing in these roles, and it may have contributed to my not being objective when judging this piece. Because I was aware of it, I tried not to let it color my thinking.
Judge #2: A strikingly original, carefully plotted, and brilliantly characterized piece. I think it's the depth of the characterization that's the most impressive thing here, although the amount of research you've clearly done (I'm thinking about the Cheyenne beliefs, in particular) also stands out. The dialogue is crisp - in particular, you manage Rahne and Sam's accent and way of speaking very well without making them in the slightest bit cartoonish - the style is both suitable to the subject and elegant to the reading 'eye', and I really like the fact that you didn't go for an easy resolution. It's very honest, and very true to the characters. This is an excellent fic.
Judge #3: This is a very well-written story that deals with the issue of homophobia with candor and maturity. The treatment of the characters in this story is both sympathetic and honest. I was particularly impressed by the treatment of Rahne - her inner conflict was clearly depicted. This is a very impressive story.
Tabitha
by Rhona Highet
Score: 76
Judge #1: A look at a not so common character, but without enough depth and detail. Very difficult to hear Tabitha's voice in it all, though it hit all the major points.
Judge #2: A very nice little piece, with very convincing characterization of Tabitha. I could very easily see her doing this; it made a lot of sense to me. You have the odd spelling mistake, and could have used a few more commas here and there, but largely, the fic's very solid on the technical side. It flows quite well, too; Tabitha's train of thought is nicely clear. You have the occasional break in tone, where Tabitha doesn't sound quite herself, but they don't detract too much from the flow of the fic. I was kind of left wanting more, I have to admit; it sums up how she got to this place, but it's a little too 'neat' a summary. There's conflict here, but you cover it a bit too smoothly. It's a style issue, I think; shorter, blunter sentences might have been more effective in a few places.
Judge #3: This is an excellent look at Tabitha. The internal dialog, in particular is very well done.
The Ties That Bind
by Domenika Marzione
Score: 94.3
From Judge #1: Well-written, expanding on a plot previously devised by Marvel canon itself.
From Judge #2: It's so nice to see someone dealing with this particular part of Cable and Domino's past without making Cable look like someone who didn't care who he was sleeping with so long as she looked somewhat like Domino! People forget that when this happened, Cable wasn't a telepath--that retcon came later, and you've managed to adapt it to an examination of this particular period WITHOUT demonizing anyone except the very nasty Tyler. Kudos. Major kudos. :) What I've just outlined is why I think so highly of this fic's originality, plot, and suitability-of-topic. This is a topic that a lot of ficcers have hit, and this fic stands head and shoulders above the rest. You've got Domino's 'voice' down here beautiful, and the minimum of dialogue, mostly on Tyler's part, is quite good. You make him sound like the raving psycho he is without going too far. No technical problems at all, as far as I can see, and the flow of the fic is beautiful. It moves with Domino's emotional state, and the switch in time-frame is done very smoothly. Brilliant job all around. :)
From Judge #3: This is a very well-crafted and well written story. Excellent characterization of Domino and a first rate explanation of why Cable never figured it out. Very well done.
Apocalypso
by Samy Merchi
Score: 92
Judge #1: What can I say? Nice ride.
Judge #2: Definitely a plot-heavy fic, in the best possible way; it's very carefully done, with no holes that I can see. A well-carried-out plot in a fic of this length is always very impressive, and this is definitely no exception. You manage a large cast of characters very well, and all of your major characters seem to be very much in character, warts and all. :) I have a couple of quibbles with some of the minor players, like Bridge, but that's a personal thing, and it certainly doesn't detract from the fic at all. You also balance the personal element ('relationship stuff' ;) with the action/adventure quite well. The pacing is a bit frantic at times, and while that worked beautifully in the action sections, it made a couple of the conversations seem just a tiny bit rushed. You have a problem with avoiding 'said' early on, but you get better towards the latter part of the fic. You've got the same problem with commas here as you do in 'Silent Submission', although the fic is otherwise completely solid on the technical side. I'm not sure how effective the whole trailer was; it just came across as very choppy, demanding that you carefully visualize each bit and put it together into a trailer in your mind. This isn't a visual medium, and I don't really think it worked to the benefit of the fic overall. If I'd been reading this on OTL, I probably would have lost interest if that had been my first exposure to the fic. The bits of exterior narrative are also kind of jarring--I was glad you discarded that after a while. The fic's great strength is its epic momentum, and it worked best when nothing was getting in the way of that. :)
Judge #3: Extremely well written and well plotted. Dialog is tight, as are the action scenes. Characterization is first rate. An excellent piece of fanfiction.
