One evening, about 29 years ago, my parents decided NOT to go to the movie. Hence,
My parents are wonderful people. Still married after 34 years...quite an accomplishment in this day and age. Maybe I'll be as lucky as they are when I get married. Strong marriage, still attractive, and, hey, they got me as a kid, right?? Who could ASK for anything more?
My wonderfully warped sense of humor is a gift from my dad. To illustrate: Picture a first date you've had with someone. Anyone will do, come on come on, I haven't got all day. Then picture your father deciding, at the very moment said date's car arrives at the house, to begin a very thorough cleaning of his .357 Magnum. At the coffee table. In the living room. While wearing coveralls. With car grease on them. Yup, it's moments like those when you realize God has a sick sense of humor, and you are indeed the punchline.
Mom is a great compliment to Dad. The yin to his yang. Mom can be summed up with this: Daughter, aged 15 1/2, tears streaming down her face. Slamming open of the door, loud stomping to the room, pregnant pause, fixture shaking slamming of the bedroom door. Husband, aged 30 something, muttering incoherently under his breath, enters house through the freshly opened door. Husband closes door with more force than generally required to close said door. Grumbling. Husband purposefully makes his way into kitchen. Sounds of rummaging. Water runnning. Lighter steps as husband exits kitchen. Mother, in all her poise, glory, and experience, looks at husband and calmly remarks, "So the driving lesson went better today?" You just have to love the woman.
Now, on the flip side, you have my brother, Mike. He's a pain in the ass. Quite the bore at parties. If ya get him talking long enough, you'll be forced to realize that he's incredibly funny, smart, and an all around good guy. But don't tell him I said that. I'd be forced to deny it, and then I'd have to kill you...all in all, a real ugly scene. Mike and I ended up going to the same college, and always seem to wind up living about 30 minutes apart. I guess we're bonded, or something sick like that. He and his wife, Angie, have been married almost 5 years now. I keep reminding her that she *CHOSE* to spend the rest of her life with him, knowing what he was like...unlike me, who really had no choice in the matter. ;)
These two crazy kids decided to make with the nookie and now have a beautiful baby boy. Who sleeps no more than 2 hours at a stretch. And cries. And poops. And all the way around makes me grin each time I see him. He's pretty damned awesome. He was born on July 24, 2004 and life hasn't been the same for them since...
My sister, Stephanie, and I are polar opposites. Believe me, we've asked our parents to make sure we're REALLY flesh and blood relatives. She's extremely artistic...theatre productions, quick drawings that I couldn't rival with my best attempts, and a musical aptitude beyond belief. Not to mention that she's, like, 5' 5" while I'm 5' 10", and she has brown hair (which mysteriously morphs into purple from time to time) while mine is red, and she achieves the most amazing tans that I've ever seen...and I'm, well, I'm friggin' Casper compared to her! I'm not jealous at all, but I am envious. Whereas I got the logical side of life, she was blessed with the artistic side. Sure, we fight all the time, and yeah, we rarely see eye to eye on ANYTHING, but we're sisters...and I suppose that's all that matters in the end.
Feel free to check out Steph's Web Page to learn more!Congrats to the BRIDE!! Yikes! She and Tim were married March 22, 1998. Yeesh!! And, for those relatives that are reading this, my answer is STILL, "When I'm 30. In Vegas. With the Flying Elvises in attendance. Now go find something IMPORTANT to worry about."
(Crazy sidenote....apparently Elvis is in the building! I crossed over to the dark side and became a Mrs. on April 9, 2004! But, I will note that I was ALMOST 30, so I was pretty close when I told people years ago to shut the hell up and leave me alone about the whole thing!)
In other crazy-ass news, Steph and Tim got with the nookie and now have a son! He was born on January 14, 2003. Gads...now people will start giving meaningful glances to MY midsection. Haven't you people seen Alien?? Get the hell away from me!!!!!
No nuclear family is complete without an assortment of pets. In my lifetime, my family has gone through, um, 4 dogs. Two of which I really remember. Kiki, the first dog, attempted to brawl with a car tire. She lost. Sugar, hyper white rat that she was, apparantly vanished into thin air. Then came Rocky. Whatta dog. He absolutely rocked. He made our neighbor practically wet himself one day. My sister and I were swimming in our pool (me with a sublock of, oh, about 53...and STILL burning - but I'm not bitter) and, out of nowhere, Rocky takes off like a bat out of hell and tries to leap over the fence. Perplexing, to say the least. So I get out of the pool, and drip over into the garage to see if my dad knew what was going on. There's Dad, laughing. I guess my 12 year old neighbor had been getting an eyefull through the bushes, and my dog saw him. He came sprinting out from between the houses and my dad saw him. Rocky kicked ass. We had him for about 13 years.
Now, we have a new dog...her name's Seymour. Yup, Seymour. She drives my mom crazy, but that dog LOVES me. I think it's because I was the only one that would let her up onto my lap. I haven't bonded with her much, because we got her after Rocky died, and I was away at school. I see her on vacations...but she's turning into my dad's dog. I wonder if that has to do with the fact that my Dad's the one that feeds her? Hmmm...
Not everyone is a dog person. To accomodate you individuals, I will pay tribute to the cats here. I don't believe any cat can have the attitude of Pee Wee. His demeanor just SCREAMS "Kiss my ass." Gods, I love that cat. He's incredibly affectionate, when he wants to be. If you dare to pet him when he's not offered himself up for worship, he'll sit 2 feet away from you and bathe. Slowly. Looking at you as if your very touch has soiled his immaculate being. He rocks. So what if he runs sideways as a result of my brother's desire to see him roll across the den in a toy jeep. I think he would have been okay if the jeep hadn't hit the couch. And, maybe he would have been okay with that, if he hadn't flown out of the jeep and hit the back cushions of the couch. But maybe he would have been tweaked anyway. I didn't do it...it was all MIKE'S fault. But hey, the only reason we got to keep him is 'cause he was so weird that no one wanted to take him. I guess there IS a master plan...mess your pets up mentally, so that way no one wants them! Yeah! That's it!
Sad Update: R.I.P. PeeWee 8/98. Bye lil' guy - sleep well.
Pee Wee is the offspring of Mama Kitty. Yeah, I know, how original right? Well screw off...we named her when we were kids. She is schitzophrenic. Literally. She spent one summer living in the big tree in our backyard...just cause she thought she was a bird. Then, she would curl up with Rocky at night, thinking she was a dog. And if you tried to pet her when she wasn't looking, she would make a mad dash for the fence. For God knows what reason. Maybe she liked the color or something. We got Mama Kitty by convincing Mom that she had, yes really, "followed us home." She followed about halfway, and then we had to carry her because she was getting tired. Come on, we weren't going to be CRUEL to her! She WANTED to come with us and we were just helping her. Mom wasn't thrilled. Mom's allergic to cats. Mom said, "We'll wait until your dad gets home and see what he says." Planning the whole time to intercept dad and request that the mangy bit of fluff be removed from the house post haste. Dad was, however, pounced on by 3 kids who had been sitting on the curb waiting until his car pulled up. Mom never had a chance...Dad said, "Sure, I don't care," before Mom could even say hello. And Mama Kitty begat the first litter, and from that litter came Pee Wee. Then Mama Kitty begat the second litter, and from it, we were allowed to keep NONE.
Another sad update: RIP Mama Kitty, 11/01. Give Pee Wee a lick for us.
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