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Chapter 7

LOSING JOBS, 1982-1993

Summary
    Starting with my job at Mattel Electronics in 1982, I was fired from 5 full-time
jobs for mania at work from 1982 to 1988. Some of these firings are described briefly in
the chapter on "Going Public" in the section about the Stigma Panel. This chapter
describes these situations in more detail. I was fired from a part-time teaching job for a
reason that was not related to mania. On the positive side, I kept 2 positions without
being fired. One was a full-time position as an Education Specialist at the Naval Training
Center in 1987. The other was a part-time teaching position with Columbia Pacific
University, starting in 1987. I am on their inactive list and plan to continue teaching with
them again.
    I was fired twice from the board of directors of one client-run group and
suspended as Chairman twice by another group for mania and other reasons through 1993.
I was asked to resign from a mental health board for conflict of interest.
    I have lived for several years in a state of diminishing assets. Most mental health
clients whom I have met have no assets at all. I had some assets from working but after
losing my income from losing jobs, I have had to live on low government benefits. My
current Social Security check for a month of $650 is less than 4 days' pay at my last full-
time job at Rohr at $22 per hour. My monthly expenses have exceeded my monthly
income by $300 or more for several years. I was fortunate to have savings to compensate
for this negative cash flow but I have always had fears that the money would run out.
    I often have a fear of homelessness. 1984 was the time of my worst visualization
of homelessness, accompanied by my worst depression and the only time of having
suicidal thoughts. I often figure how long it will be before the money will run out and I
tell my wife Diann that we have 4 months or 4 weeks or whatever until we have to "live
under a bush in Balboa Park", the homeless capital of San Diego.

Mattel Electronics, 1982
    (This is expanded from chapter 1.) My job title at Mattel Electronics was
Technical Editor/Electronic Systems Programmer II. My job description from my resume
was "Responsible for editing user manual for personal computer system. Designed,
programmed, debugged and revised an educational simulation video game."
    I had my first manic episode in Las Vegas while staying at the Hilton during a
computer convention. Before I became hospitalized, I called Mattel to say that I was
delayed in returning but they never returned my calls. Then when I was in the hospital, I
did not think of my job too much, but sometimes I did. I had some kind of futile hope that
I would return to working at Mattel after I was out of the hospital.
    When I arrived home after 2 weeks in the hospital, I had 2 telegrams from Mattel
threatening my dismissal. I called the personnel office. First, the man said that I was
terminated. Then, he said that I still had the job if I would get a doctor's excuse. I called
the doctor in Las Vegas and she promised to send him a letter. Mattel never received a
letter from the doctor. The personnel man said on the phone to me, "You're terminated!
You're terminated! You're terminated!" I got the impression that he enjoyed saying this.
I was very upset because this had been a great job. It was fun. It was challenging. It was
unique. It paid a lot.
    I brought a Workman's Comp suit against Mattel, claiming that working for them
had caused the injury to my psyche. I was not confident of winning but I felt that it was
important to sue them instead of just letting them get away with it. The suit took about 3
years. I was surprised that I won but disappointed that I only received a paltry amount,
approximately equal to one month's salary. My medical expenses of several thousand
dollars were also paid. I was irked that they had paid the doctors who did nothing.

Courseware, Inc., 1983
    My job title at Courseware was Instructional Systems Designer (ISD). My job
description on my resume was "Designed, developed and evaluated computer-based
instructional materials about microprocessors for Texas Instruments project, including
spreadsheets, word processing and database management."
    I was fired because I was too efficient. We had a task to write the flip cards for
the spreadsheet application of the Texas Instruments (TI) package. Three Instructional
Designers including me were assigned to the task..The three of us were writing
simulataneiously on pads of paper. I thought that this was very inefficient because we
would then have three versions to have to mesh together. So I went over to my own
Apple computer that Courseware was renting and I started to take dictation as well as
writing much of it myself.
    This was an excellent way to write together because we could each see what was
being written and could each pitch in with corrections. We finished most of the writing
the first day and filled in the rest the second day. At my urging, we did not let Liana, my
boss, know that we had finished it that fast. Tasha wrote "shshh" on the cover page.
    The next week I felt that the project was totally under control as we had finished
the first draft of a 12-day project in a mere 2 days. The others, however, seemed uptight
and fearful about the prospect of getting it done. They come from scarcity and fear.
About 3 times, Tasha asked me something and I answered too soon. She got very upset
and asked why I was talking over her. I told her that she was also talking over me.
    I had much anger when Liana sent my un-proofread draft to Dallas, claiming that
the secretary could make no mistakes. It was Barbara's worst day typing, with many
errors and omissions. Then she said that she had thrown out my original and corrections.
Then she deinied saying this and said that I lost the materials.
    The next day at 2:30, I noted that we had finished the project in 6.75 days, 3.25
days ahead of schedule. At 3:48, my first validation started. Two minutes into it, Liana's
boss, Paul, called me into the Vice President, C.J.'s, office. C.J. asked me about my T-
shirt and he saw that it had open handcuffs and said, "Loose. I'm available." I said that it
was not work-related. He and Paul laughed. Then C.J. said that there had been
complaints against me and that he thought that I could not work well with other people.
He wanted to set me up as an independent with an office of my own on the second floor.
I said that I had been hired to do technology-related projects and that the TI project had
changed from Computer-Assisted Instruction (CAI) to flip cards. So I agreed that I could
be more productive for the company by being independent.
    Privately, I felt at first that this was the beginning of the end at Courseware, that I
would be out of a job soon if no suitable projects came up. Later I convinced myself that
this was not the case and that C.J. understood that I was far more productive than most
people and that I was being held back by being on the TI project. My first instinct was
right. They put me in an office by myself which I considereded to be solitary
confinenment. After a week, Paul said that they tried to match my resume with their
contracts, but there was no match so they had to let me go. I considered this to be a
firing.
    When I left, my group became an all-woman office with five. The following week,
three women from TI were scheduled to come out. Well, Paula in a then-recent tirade
said that I hated women, and now I get to miss being with eight of them.

Columbia Research Corp., 1984
    After the period of my longest depression in my life and my only suicidal ideations,
resulting from my long unemployment, I landed a low-paying job with Columbia Research
Corp. (CRC). I was Lead Technical Writer. My job description on my resume is "Lead
writer on systems manual and several component manuals for Navy Secure Conferencing
Project involving satellite communication, encryption and CMOS technology."
    I had finished a large writing project which had taken several months and I strutted
happily around the office. The staff at CRC mistook my happiness for illness. They
thought that I needed psychiatric help and they sent me home. When I was home, at
4:44:44 PM, my favorite time, I was watching the news on channel 4, of course, which is
the NBC TV station in Los Angeles. The news reported that a writer having the same
name as mine had been arrested for murder. Fortunately, he spelled his last name
differently from mine. I was hoping that no one would think that it was me because of the
similar name and profession.
    Almost instantly, 2 cops came to my house and "51-50'd" me, which means that
they took me to a psychiatric hosppital for evaluation. For a long time I did not know
who had called the cops. I had just been sitting calmly at home by myself watching TV.
Later I found out that it was my 2 managers at work, Dick and Sonia. Sonia later
explained on the phone that they were "my friends" and they were trying to "help" me. I
do not like being sent to CMH so I did not think that they were friends or helping me. I
do not remember being told that I was fired but I think that someone transmitted to me the
information that they did not want me to come back.

Cubic Corporation, 1985
    I was Senior Engineering Writer at Cubic. My job description on my resume is
"Wrote and edited operation and maintenance manuals on commercial and military
projects involving electronics and computers including TOP GUN and ASW projects.
Wrote manuals and developed and conducted training on troubleshooting and maintenance
of electronic farebox system.
    I stayed up all night in my office on a Friday night, being awake a total of 29 hours
straight which is not a lot for me. On Saturday morning, I was expecting to be alone in
the building, but a vice-president was there. He thought that with my lack of sleep, I
would fall and sue them, so he took my ID badge and sent me home. After a week, I
found out that they would not take me back. I was very upset because I enjoyed the job
and it provided good pay for easy work.
    For five or six years, I had thought that if a prospective employer called Cubic,
they would be told that I was fired. In 1991, I called personnel there and was surprised to
be told that they listed it as a layoff. That is an advantage to me if prospective employers
call them, but it is not true and I consider it to be a firing.

National University, 1986
    At National University, I was Adjunct Professor of Education with a specialization
in my major, Instructional Technology. My job description from my resume is "Developed
2 master's degree courses, 1 in ISD (Instructional Systems Design) and 1 in instructional
media. Taught them at 29 Palms Marine Base and in Los Angeles."
    As far as I know, my firing from National was not related to mental health. My
supervisor, Dr. John Q. Adams, said that my evaluations by my students showed that they
thought that I did not know anything about my field. I pointed out that I had been in the
field for 15 years and was very knowledgable about it but that did not matter to him. He
was very stern with me as if he were a schoolmaster disciplining a schoolboy. I was upset
at the supervisor for his mean attitude. I was upset at the students who had told me to my
face that they thought that I was good but who then "socked it to me" behind my back
with the bad evaluations. I was not mad at myself because I knew that I had done a good
job.

Rohr Industries, 1987-1988
    I was Senior Technical Writer at Rohr. My job description from my resume is
"Wrote and edited operations and maintenance manuals on Rohr aerospace testing and
maintenance, VAX applications and HP word processing for engineers."
    I was en route to being awake for 100+ hours straight. I told my boss, Martin,
that I would be late for work. Martin said that I could arrive anytime that day and it
would be OK. I sent my first FAX ever to him confirming what he had said. I was busy
with other things more important than work. Finally, speeding in my Porsche 924, I
arrived at work at 11 p.m. I figured that this was OK with Martin because it was still
today. It used to take me 17 minutes to get to work at 7:30 a.m. with no traffic. This
time, at 11 p.m., it took 11 minutes.
    After doing some work on my projects, I left to eat, driving to El Torito about a
mile away. My car died there. I knew that it could be quite some time before I would get
the car back from being fixed, so I unloaded the contents so that they would not be towed
away with the car. The contents included 20 artichokes that I had bought at a farmers'
market, lots of bananas and many office supplies of all kinds. While I was writing this, I
noticed that this episode carried on the bananas theme that recurs in relation to my manic
episodes in other chapters.
    It was about midnight and I was standing in the middle of a deserted street trying
to flag down someone to give me and my belongings a lift. Some cars went by but they
were more interested in honking at me or trying to run me over. Finally, a local man
named Bob with a truck picked up me and my belongings. He was familiar with Rohr and
said that he had worked for them. He got onto the plant, breaching security. We
unloaded my belongings and walked them to my office. This took a couple of hours
because of the distance we had to walk and the amount of belongings. At one point which
I calculated to be 70+ hours without sleep, my leg shook uncontrollably from the lack of
sleep and would not stop banging into the metal file cabinet. Finally, it stopped. This was
was my only negative physical effect from what became 100+ hours without sleep. My
main concern was to get Bob out of the building so that I would not get into big trouble.
He was sleeping on the floor and I could not wake him up. Later I was semi-relieved to
notice that he was missing. I hoped that he had left and gone home.
    I went back to my desk and started working on the computer. At 7:30 a.m., the
start of the shift, my bosses, Martin and his boss Nick, walked in. They saw my quantity
of bananas, artichokes and office supplies. Nick instantly exclaimed, "Get him out of
here!" From his dialog, I think that it was the 3-foot high bookcase that I had bought at a
garage sale for 50 cents that convinced him that I was insane and not worthy of working
at Rohr.
    My bosses helped me pack my belongings for about 2 hours. I had a lot of
materials. Nick's concern was a particular project and whether it was ready for word
processing. I told him that I had 7 projects, all in different states of readiness, but that
none were complete. I showed him 1 project, my documentation of a free software
package that had a lot of bugs. I told him what he had paid me for it, "This one cost you
$8,000 -- you could have bought one that worked for $50." Nick kept asking if my cab
was here but we had a lot more packing to do. Finally the packing was done and they sent
me away by cab. I got back at them by taking the long way home, including taking the
cab driver to lunch at El Torito with the meter running. Rohr's bill for the cab was $90 for
11 miles.
    This was my upsetting firing. Martin had told me that there would be at least
another 2 years of work for me. At $22 per hour, that would be $91,520 that I lost by
being fired. Bummer. I think that an ex-girlfriend of mine replaced me because she would
not tell me where she was working but said that I had heard of it.

General Dynamics Picnic, Crown Point, 1988
    A prime possible employer for me was General Dynamics. I interviewed with them
a number of times. Their reaction to me was very positive but I never was hired. One
night I went to a 50th birthday party of a woman prominent in the Pacific Beach Town
Council. The party was at Crown Point. I got there towards the end, parked my car on
the grass and left the headlights on to help illuminate the party. Just as the last car left, my
battery died. I stayed the night, walking along the shore and getting doused by sprinklers.
In the morning the party site became the General Dynamics picnic.
    For some reason, I used the leftover potato salad from the night before and wound
up attracting about 120 seagulls. I manipulated them to land in certain places and to walk
in certain directions. The climax was when I put some potato salad on the hood of my
car. The macho leader of the seagulls thought that he would impress all of his followers
by strutting up onto the top of the hood. Instead, he slipped on the potato salad on the
bumper and the toe of the hood. How embarassing.
    I probably thought subconsciously that I was impressing the General Dynamics
group with my knowledge of operant conditioning with the seagulls. They probably just
thought that I was crazy. I thought that my actions guaranteed that I would never be
hired by them. I was reluctant to apply to them again.

Mental Health Groups

    I was a board member of the Intensive Case Management Client and Family
Council which oversaw a special program for clients who had been hospitalized more than
others. The last 2 months I was paid about $30 for attending a 2-hour meeting once a
month. I enjoyed working on the board. Suddenly at one meeting I was forced to resign
by the Program Manager, Ken Kenworthy, over a conflict of interest because I was going
out with one of the clients. See the chapter on love and the mentally ill for more details.
    I was a board member of The Meeting Place, Inc., a client-run group that operated
a drop-in center for clients. I was removed from the board twice and from three jobs
because of what the board apparently thought was manicky behavior and/or
hospitalization. For more details, see the chapter on "Going Public".
    I was elected Chair of the advocacy group Clients & Others for Action for two
years. I was removed from the Chairmanship twice and put on a leave of absence by the
Executive Committee because of my hospitalizations. For more details, see the chapter on
"Going Public".
    For me, termination and suspension by my peers in mental health hurts more than
when I am fired from a full-time job. This is because I feel closer to my peers and feel that
they understand me because we have a similar illness. However, when it has come down
to it, my peers have treated me as unfairly as my bosses, not allowing due process or any
defense from me, but just terminating or suspending me. I have decided not to work with
groups who have done this to me and to focus on working with ones who allow their
mental health clients to have mental illness once in a while.

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