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as found by Chuck Elliot

{Oct. 4, 2000. I found the following fragment in the form of a holy scroll on my computer. Because of the fragment’s timeliness, I can’t help but putting it in my upcoming Chuck’s Newsletter 26.}

It’s currently the Jewish High Holidays, when the stricter spend 10 consecutive days praying to G-d. (In Jewish tradition you can’t spell the whole name of G-d.) I was drained after the first day of praying. Like what else could I say? I mean He/She knows everything you could say anyway. So, after several days off for goodly behavior, here’s how the sixth day went for me. Remember, maybe unlike your religion, our G-d has a sense of humor (sometimes).

I: Yo, G-d, why dost thou torment me so?

G-d: It’s something I enjoy doing.

I: I have …

G-d: (interrupting) I gave the tablets to Moses that became the 10 Commandments.

I: Really???

G-d: I created the Heavens and Earth.

I: Enough already. But don’t forget you created all of the hurricanes.

G-d: I made the Jews the Chosen people.

I: Yes, but maybe next time you can choose somebody else.

G-d: That’s a line from "Fiddler on the Roof".

I: Hey, you’d be good on "Jeopardy".

G-d: Yes. Alex, I’ll take Jewish Musicals for $1,000.

I: No, someone would claim having an omniscient being as a contestant was unfair.

G-d: So I know all the musicals. What about English Literature for $800?

I: G-d!

G-d: You remember the poet William Blake?

I: He couldn’t keep an appointment because he was talking with you.

G-d: His secretary told the man, "I’m, sorry, Mr. Blake is talking to G-d."

I: Today the man would have said, "Well, can I put my head in for a second? It’s important."

G-d: I am the Alpha and the Omega.

I: No, you’re the whole alphabet.

G-d: I am the Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Eta, Lambda, Omicron…Omega

I: Sounds like you’re fraternity row.

G-d: Enough levity. Do you have anything you want to say to me?

I: I don’t really have anything left to pray about.

G-d: What about things to atone about? Any terrible acts?

I: No. Why do you ask me questions when you know everything?

G-d: Well, just to keep the dialog flowing. Otherwise you’d just appear to be talking to yourself.

I: (exasperated, then smiles) I do have a religious question.

G-d: My forte. Shoot.

I: I keep being hit on by these other religious groups, you know, the one that starts with a "C".

G-d: I am the Resurrection and the Life.

I: (staring Him/Her down)

G-d: Just kidding. What was your question?

I: You tell me.

G-d: Well, I think you show great politeness in listening to them, and great strength in resisting them.

I: So, I’m a "true Jew"?

G-d: Yes.

I: What a great endorsement, coming from G-d, but how do I prove it?

G-d: Excuse me. I feel like creating a hurricane.

I: Sometimes I don’t know about you.

G-d: And sometimes you wonder.

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