Recently in a mailing list discussion I was challenged on a
suggestion I made that a few ideas we were interchanging
might be the basis for a theory of spiritual positive
parenting. Reluctantly, as I've no children of my own, I
decided to accept the challenge - after all, lack of knowledge
on a subject has never deterred me from giving an opinion!
A list of 10 points emerged, which were later updated after
hearing reactions from the group.
Even before they can talk, talk incessantly to them - talk to
the Spirit in them, Spirit understands and remembers.
When they can talk listen carefully to what they have to tell
- ask questions and play along with their fantasies, adding
your own contribution where possible and adding the identification
of a spirit when you can. Believe in their visions as you believe
in your own. Never say "That can't be".
At a certain moment they will have accumulated a collection of
dolls and/or furry animals - encourage them to give each one a
personality and in other ways develop a fantasy around this
bestiary. Watch out for signs that a spirit may be using the toys to
communicate with the child in a form the child feels comfortable with,
and treat it accordingly.
Be always aware of their best ultimate interests to develop as
independent, creative, imaginative beings, as well as being
beautiful children Now.
Rules for behaviour must spring from ethics rather than authority -
never a question of "Because I say so." If punishment is necessary
be particularly aware of their ultimate interests so, nothing
traumatic, everything peppered with a large dose of affection.
Avoid boosting your own ego ("my child is better than the
neighbour's") by not putting them always on display to show their
skills at e.g. flute-playing or dressing up (or telekinesis!)
- when they want to demonstrate something they will come out
with it for themselves.
Gently guide them away from warlike toys and entertainments -
a prohibition will only cause more curiosity.
The classics such as Alice in Wonderland and Winnie the Pooh
are full of fantasy and a positive spirit - though Disney has
taken them over, the original books and illustrations are still
available (nothing against Disney, most of his output is superb
- I can watch Snow White and Pinocchio thousands of times!).
Find a way of getting them to spend lots of time with children
more or less their own age, see them establish ideas of "mine"
and "not-mine" and learn to respect one another's possessions
and territory without aggressively defending their own.
Above all (and this often the most difficult in practice)
give them your TIME whenever they seem to need it!
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