2. MEN AND WOMEN

 

The relationship between human beings, unlike that of animals which are determined by instincts alone, need to be governed by intelligence and purpose. This applies also to the relationship between the sexes.

According to the Prophet Muhammad:-

               Marriage is half of Religion.

               There is nothing like marriage to create love.

               Paradise lies at the feet of the mother.

               The greatest trial for man is woman.

 

The question of sex has always been a problem for mankind for the following reasons:-

1. The existence of life on earth depends on the strength of the sexual impulse and Reproduction is an urgent need built into life by nature. But unlike animals in whom it arises only seasonally, it is much more permanent feature of human beings and exceeds the requirements of reproduction alone.

2. The human child requires parental care and training far longer and more extensively than is the case with animals

3. While animals merely have to obey instincts, human beings have a larger brain, intelligence and consciousness. Their interests, control and, therefore, responsibilities are much more extensive than those of animals.

There are contradictions between these various demands and these have been solved by moral rules, social organisation and to some extent by the invention of contraceptives.

  

The relationship between the sexes is a most important aspect of human life since it governs everything else. There can be no continuation of the human species without it, the strength of the forces linking them is second only to the self-preservative urge, and the behaviour of each sex is formed and governed mostly by the relationship which a person has with the parents, spouses and children. The progress, development and evolution of the individual and whole race depend on it. The sexual impulse is so powerful a force that, if it is not kept under control, its effects are likely to be highly destructive. But when kept under proper control they are equally constructive. The attitude to sex tends to swing between two opposite poles, from fear and disgust to obsessional self-indulgence. As in everything else Islam tries to find a balance between these opposites.

Reality is fundamentally a self-existing, eternal Unity. Yet there are constant changes in nature. This implies that some things are destroyed, but new things are created in their stead. There is not only horizontal change, but also vertical change - the process of involution is balanced by evolution, anabolism by catabolism, analysis by synthesis, disintegration by re-integration. Reproduction is a method of overcoming death amidst change. The new generation is adapted to the change in the environment. The Sexual differentiation arose in nature because of its evolutionary value. Non-sexual reproduction produces exact copies. These cannot adapt rapidly to changing conditions. Sexual reproduction means the mixing of genes so that a variety of characteristics is created. This ensures that some will be adapted to the new conditions, and that new and superior characteristics will arise. But reproduction is not merely a one to one replacement. There is multiplication and expansion. All this changes the general conditions of life to which adaptation must take place. Human beings also create a culture which accumulates and transmits experiences and this accelerates the process. Thus we have an in-built evolutionary process.

Indeed, the Universe itself is formed from the interaction of a pair of opposites, matter and anti-matter, electrons and positrons, electro-positive and electro-negative radicals. The Quran affirms that such a pair exists everywhere:-

“And all things have We created by pairs, that haply ye may reflect. Therefore flee unto Allah” 51:49-50

It has always been understood by most of humanity that marriage, like birth and death, has a cosmic significance. This is because the distinction between the sexes is a fact of nature and marriage is a reunification. It is, therefore, a covenant before God. It is only recently in the West that this consciousness is being lost. Marriage creates families, and the Society is formed from a network of interlinked families. It is within a family that the individual learns responsibility, tolerance, self-discipline and self-control, adjustment to the needs of others, sharing, self-denial, and love which also makes the other virtues more easily attainable. When judging the Islamic teachings on the relationship between the sexes, it is important to remember that marriage is part of the Islamic developmental system. Other criteria of judgement are irrelevant.

 The purpose of life, and, therefore, also of religion which formulates it, is to progress towards unity - to return to Allah from whence all things came. This requires the development of love and the overcoming of friction. Family life and the married state accounts for the greater part of a person’s life. It is probable that all human behaviour and its problems are connected with incorrect relationship between the sexes. It is, therefore, an important subject of attention for religion. And yet the secular world provides no education for it and leaves it to the mercy of accident.

Human beings, however, because of a mind which gives them some freedom, are not bound like animals to a single form of sexual relationship. Four levels in human behaviour should be distinguished:-

(a) That which flows from their biology. This is inherent in them and has developed over a long period of evolution.

(b) That which is conditioned into them by their culture. This differs in different places according to environment and history.

(c) That which arises from intelligence. This is produced by knowledge, reason and purpose, by the truly human faculties.

(d) Islam, as other religions, also recognizes behaviour which arises from higher consciousness of reality, and the unity and the self-consistency of the whole. As such all the above factors are also taken into consideration.

 

 There are a great number of different communities in the world among whom a great variety of social systems can be found. Some practice polyandry, polygamy, multiple marriages, community marriages, or do without marriage all together. Some have matriarchal systems, some patriarchal systems. In some it is the women who have the dominant position, in others it is the men, in still others there is a division of function, or the sexes have equal status. There is Celibacy, strict monogamy, sexual freedom before marriage or complete sexual freedom. Homosexuality or bisexuality is tolerated in some societies and not in others.

Sexual relationships are affected by economic and social circumstances, but also by advances in knowledge and technology, the congestion of the population relative to resources, the relative proportion of men and women, stability or the need for emigration or travel. and the economic independence of women. It is also affected by the invention of contraception, artificial insemination, the possibility of cloning, genetic manipulation, conception and gestation in laboratories, the extension of life spans and new techniques in organisation. It may be an evolutional advantage that a nation or the human race is propagated by only a small group of women who specialise in motherhood, and a small group of men licensed to provide the sperm. It may be that it is propagated entirely in laboratories and the children be all brought up entirely in nurseries by specialists and experts. On the other hand it may be that marriages should take place only between people of the same profession so that the human race, like the tissues and organs in the body of the individual, differentiates into different specialists. Humanity then becomes a super-organism, which may be the next stage in evolution. There are a great number of possibilities, and most arise by the accident of circumstance rather than through deliberate, intelligent and considered organisation.

The Islamic position may be given as follows:- Human beings, like other organisms, are differentiated into two sexes in order that they may have different but cooperative functions in the propagation and psychological evolution of the race. The relationship between the sexes is, therefore, to be governed by considering both the welfare and the development of the partners and of the offsprings. The potentialities in man should be actualised. Social, economic and technological developments should serve these ends rather than dictate them.

 

When interpreting the teachings of the Quran on this subject the following facts should be considered:-

I. The status of women in the past was more or less as a property or slave of men, and even in the West today this attitude has not changed though superficial changes have been brought about by circumstances. The Prophet Muhammad brought a revolutionary change to this. The purpose of the Islamic social system is:-

(a) To facilitate human development.

(b) In order to the achieve this, to create social conditions in which each sex can act according to its own inherent nature and attain self-fulfillment.

(c) In order to achieve this, to raise the status of women not by applying male standards or making them into men, but by recognizing the value of what is feminine and of the female function in the scheme of things. These aims are radically different from those found in the West. The social conditions there have been created by economic circumstances.

 

 From the point of view of Biology, human beings are just another form of animal. This view is incompatible with religion and is rejected. Though the Quran makes no absolute distinction between man and animal and affirms that “animals are people like you” (6:38), they also possess what has been called the Spirit, that is, consciousness, conscience and will. They are aware and can act accordingly. Human beings certainly share a great number of characteristics with animals, but they are more than animals. The difference between man and animals is as great as between animals and plants, and between plants and minerals. This is because human beings have imagination, reason, creativity, initiative and create a world of ideas, a culture, art and technology by means of which they have transformed the world and which transforms them. This fact is, therefore, encapsulated in the title ‘Vicegerent’. Apart from being governed by inherent factors and the physical environment, as in the case of animals, they are also affected by efforts based on ideas and value systems. Therefore, though we can learn from animals, it is that which is truly human in them which is worth cultivating.

 

II. Critics usually apply Western standards of judgment when speaking about the Islamic Social System. But these cannot be considered to be objective standards since they have developed accidentally by the historical processes. Islam takes its standards from the Quran. We may, therefore, look at the Islamic Social System from this point of view, and reach a completely different conclusion. There is no doubt, however, that the actual social practices in Islamic countries have also fallen short of these standards.

 In Western eyes women in Islamic countries are suppressed, oppressed and their status is inferior to that of men. Apart from differences in standards of judgment, in general the reports and criticisms of the Islamic society are hypocritical in that they focus attention on the abuses and malpractices in Islamic countries while ignoring the same, similar or other malpractices and abuses in the West. This is not to say that such abuses do not take place, but they are mistakenly taken as integral to Islam itself. From the Muslim stand point it is women in the West who have the lower status. This is because the entire attitude in the West towards life, sex, reproduction, and children, which are obviously connected, is frivolous, haphazard, unintelligent, meaningless and purposeless. Women, there, are objects for sexual and economic exploitation by men, their natural function has been devalued and they have been forced to abandon their femininity and natural roles in order to protect themselves. They have been pressurized by propaganda and circumstances into a double and confusing role. The result of the neglect of their own proper function has been the breakdown of the social fabric, widespread confusion, demoralization and neurosis in the new generation. Many women are struggling to find some kind of identity for themselves but do not know what this means. In communities where material wealth or power is the only goal, there social and psychological welfare will not only suffer, but the judgment of the people regarding what is good or evil is also clouded. Muslims neither like the predatory attitude which men have towards their women nor the retaliatory and aggressive behaviour of the women towards their men. Many Muslims coming to the West find that women are not respected there as women, but only when they begin to develop male characteristics. But when they marry, then, not surprisingly, they find that they cannot get on with one another.

Secondly, the improvement in the status of women in the West is only a recent development and has often been achieved by reducing and flouting the rights of men. The relationship between the sexes is mostly the result of economic circumstances, not of ideologies. These circumstances in Islamic countries are different from those in the West.

Thirdly, the ideology in the West is based on commercial and political factors not on objective biological and psychological considerations, and cannot, therefore, produce self-fulfillment. On the other hand the conditions established in Islamic countries seldom reach the ideal either.

 The Christian attitude to marriage is that it exists for the prevention of depravity and reproduction of children. Since Jesus was not married, the family, and, therefore, the function of women, was not regarded as important. However, the role of women was later recognized by elevating the status of Mary the mother of Jesus. But in doing this she was honored as a sexually untouchable virgin and mother. A distinction, therefore, arose between woman as mother and woman as a sexual object for pleasure and entertainment, a harlot. The notion of Romantic love on which Western marriages are based today has arisen only relatively recently. This has nothing to do with real love, compassion and interest in the welfare of others, but with passion. Passion, however, is a transitory and self-centered thing and does not produce the stability required by the need to bring up a new generation. The Islamic attitude is that marriage exists for companionship, mutual support and cooperation. Islam raised the status of women beyond that which existed elsewhere in the world, and did so without de-sexualizing women. It does not begin with love but ought to develop it.

There is evidence that Romantic love entered Europe through the troubadours who were affected by Islamic Sufism. The love songs they sang were originally meant to symbolize the love of man for God. It should be pointed out that it is only relatively recently that women in the West had few rights and were regarded as the chattels of their husbands. Whereas disloyalty and adultery in the wife was severely punished, that of the husband was condoned. The Muslim woman had a far higher status. Today, because of greater economic, political and educational development in the West, women there have acquired economic freedom, political power, and, therefore, legal equality. This is usually interpreted as meaning that women have the same rights to sexual freedom as men, and this is exploited by the latter. The social consequences of this have been disastrous.

               

III. Islamic Law takes into consideration the real inherent nature and function of the sexes. Though it also takes into consideration the circumstances in existence at the time it was created, it does not depend on them. It should not be judged by matters of expediency, speculation, the vagaries of changing fashions and ideologies.

 

IV. The Islamic family is not nuclear in the Western sense, but extensive. It does not only include husband, wife and children, but also mothers and fathers, sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins and in-laws. The result of this is that marriages make the society into a much stronger network. The position and relationship between husband and wife must, therefore, be seen in this larger context. Neither of them is dependant only on each other. This implies that many of the laws found necessary in the West for the protection of the rights of women become entirely unnecessary because family pressures exert, or should exert, a much greater and better control.

               

V. In Islam psychological or spiritual welfare and development is the primary consideration. All motives, powers and actions of human beings depend on their psychological condition. The Social system is arranged to serve this purpose, and the economic conditions are arranged to serve social welfare. This is the reverse of that which normally obtains in the West.

It is necessary to insist that the Islamic laws concerning the relationship between the sexes apply only to genuine Muslims. It cannot apply to those who do not abide by the Islamic code. This is because Islam requires the men to behave responsibly towards their wives and families, and the duties of the wife are defined in terms of this. The privileges of husband and wife are conditional upon their duties.

               

VI. Statements regarding the relationship between men and women need to be qualified by considering what is meant by equality. This has been dealt with in the previous chapter. But certain other observations need to be made.

1. Since men and women are obviously different each will be superior in certain qualities and inferior in others. But this applies to averages. Which characteristics are regarded as important will also depend on the circumstances in which they have a use. Though on the average women are physically weaker and shorter than men, a particular women may be stronger or taller than particular man. But in so far as we deal with whole classes we must consider averages, but allow sufficient flexibility to allow for variations. General rules regarding the nature and function of men and women apply to what is generally true, but this does not imply the absence of variations. The existence of variations does not invalidate the general rule, or vice versa. Each person should be able to fulfill their own nature, but not at the expense of the general good.

2. Men and women contain both the qualities of masculinity and femininity. They are not absolutely distinct, other wise they could not relate to each other. Some men are more feminine than others and some women are more masculine than others. It may even be the case that a particular woman is more masculine than a particular man, or that a particular man is more feminine than a particular woman. But such aberrations can only be rare.

3. Though inherent, biological or genetic factors provide masculinity and femininity, the culture, nurture, environment and efforts will determine how they develop. It is possible to suppress masculine or feminine qualities while developing the opposite. This applies to all characteristics. The fact that men and women can be and are altered by circumstances in certain directions does not, however, mean that they ought to be so altered. It may not be a good thing at all. Values cannot be derived from facts in a naive way. Diseases and crimes, for instance, are also facts, but we try to get rid of them. The power to manipulate increases responsibility and the importance of morality.

4. As Human beings are inter-dependent they live by exchange. Inequality may be caused by, or be the cause of, unequal exchanges. Unequal exchanges are likely to have a distorting effect on the social relationships as well as on the psychological and economic conditions. Husbands and wives perform certain functions with respect to each other in return for other functions by their spouses.

 

VII. Certain fundamental differences existing between male and female sexuality need to be taken into consideration.

1. Women differ from men in that it is they who are physically and psychology constructed to bear children. They menstruate, get pregnant, lactate and undergo the menopause, all of which involve physical and psychological changes. The purpose and role of a woman, the reason for her existence is determined by Biology. It is reproduction and the maintenance of life. But men have to find another reason for existence. They do so by their creativity in cultural directions, in religion, science, philosophy, arts and industry. They create a civilization, thereby giving a purpose to life, to reproduction itself. Another dimension, a typically human one has been added to life. The population pressure and the advances of civilization which this has brought about, however, has created a new problem. While men have their professions, it is women who have to find a new role, and in doing so they often displace men.

2. Both have an inherent urge to reproduce. The continuity of the race depends on it. But whereas the number of children the female can have is limited by the long period of pregnancy and a short reproductive age, the male is able to fertilize many women and have many more offsprings. The male has polygamous tendencies.

3. Human sexuality is not a separate independent phenomenon, but is the cause and essence of life. It is also continuous with sexuality in general, particularly with that of mammals. In common with other primates and most mammals the male has a need to define, control, protect and guard his sexual territory from other intruders. Though there are variations, the male usually has the dominant position. The female tends to be more docile and normally accepts this situation in return for security. It works to the advantage of both.

4. The child is more dependant on the mother physically. Uncontrolled sexual activity usually means that while the male remains free, the female is left with the burden of responsibility. Adultery, therefore, has a different significance for the two sexes. In the case of the male it implies the intrusion of a foreign person into his family.

5. The male enters into the body of the female and deposits the sperm where it grows into a child.  The results of a sexual act are unequal. The female is more intimately connected with the child than the male. The opposite is not true. The female, brings home the consequences of a sexual indiscretion which last much longer, but the male loses it.

6. Women can be raped or otherwise forced by men. Reproduction does not appear to require the consent of the female. The rights and freedoms of women, therefore, depends on male self-restraint or protection, or on social laws which they enact and support. However, technology, organization and training have changed this situation. Guns, martial training and the use of police forces neutralize differences to some extent. In nature we find elaborate courtship behaviour and rules govern the social interactions. These rules are designed to facilitate the survival, welfare and development of the species. Though fights between individuals within a species take place, usually connected with sexual rivalry, they seldom lead to death. Human freedom allows the flouting of rules, but intelligence allows their construction.  

7. Male sexual urges tend to be stronger and more urgent. This makes the male more dependant on the female though he is also physically stronger in order to allow him to fulfill the above role. Thus the need for control over his own sexuality generally implies control over women. Religions, which emphasize self-control, have, therefore, always tended to curb the stimulating and tempting qualities of women. But this has also been an advantage to women who would otherwise have merely been objects to satisfy male appetites. Indeed, the predatory character of male sexuality is again becoming prominent in the West where the behaviour of women has become uncontrolled. There are only three possibilities:- that both the male and the female cultivate greater self-control; that the behaviour of each be controlled by external means such as the law; that each sex becomes a victim to the other. Instead of cooperation, there is sex war in the West, with a noticeable tendency for each sex to exploit and retaliate against the other.

8. Children of both sexes are dependant on the mother. Girls grow up into adulthood modeling themselves on their mother, staying and cooperating with her. The transformation period is relatively smooth. This is not the case with boys. Boys need a male model. Maturation, transformation into an adult, involves crossing over from the mother’s to the father’s side. He has to disentangle himself from the domination of his mother, and indeed, from all that is girlish in order to establish his own masculinity. This often involves anxiety, insecurity and the fear of failure. Primitive tribes helped this transformation by means of special training, initiation and ceremonies. In modern times, particularly in the West where women take the dominant role, the case is the very reverse. Insecurity has been increased by threatening and doing violence to masculinity in various ways. This insecurity manifests itself by the need to debase and belittle women, in exaggerated male self-assertion and violence, and in sexual over-sensitivity. Men relate to women either as their fathers or as sons in various proportions. A correct view of what masculinity and femininity mean are necessary.

9. The male attitude towards women tends to become polarized. On the one hand because of their dependence on the mother, women are idealized as pure and virginal. This is particularly so in Christianity where the Virgin Mary is held up as an ideal, and sex, ever since the teachings of Paul, has been considered sinful. On the other hand because of the strength of the sexual urge they are regarded either as temptresses, deceivers, distractions, causes of degeneration and destruction, things to be feared and avoided, or as playthings, objects of pleasure and sport, creatures to be hunted and used, depending on whether the religious attitude of self-control was taken or not. And, women have indeed assumed these roles. As in all other things Islam requires reconciliation, a synthesis of these opposites. This is achieved by idealizing the status of marriage. The wife combines the two roles, thereby equalizing them. The weaker the status of marriage the more will the attitude to women be polarized.

10. But whereas pregnancy and delivery make it obvious who the mother of a child is, the same is not true of the father. Ignorance of parentage often leads to psychological problems connected with identity. Among conscious human beings, it has always been thought necessary to ensure this by strict social conventions. The purity of woman must be protected. Conflicts resulting from such fundamental issues must be controlled. Adultery and fornication must be prevented. Temptations to stray must be reduced by the practice of reserve and modesty. Whereas all this is not of great importance among animals, it becomes integral to life among human beings owing to the fact that the child has to be brought up and educated over a long period, and the family must provide the stability, security and guidance. The identity of the individual depends on his genetic source. Genetic compatibility is an important ingredient in the formation of affection and transfer of experiences. The possibility of incest is also connected with ignorance of parentage. The ban on incest is part of the need for creating variety and avoiding the dangers of inbreeding. Sexual morality has, therefore, always been a fundamental issue in communities where the awareness of the significance of, and respect for, human beings has not atrophied.

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The following verses establish the relationship between the sexes in Islam:-

“O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and likewise its mate and from them twain hath spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty towards Allah from whom ye claim your rights of one another, and towards the wombs that bare you. Lo! Allah is a Watcher over you.” 4:1

“He it is who did create you from a single soul, and from it made his mate that he may take rest in her.” 7:189

“They are raiments for you and ye are raiments for them.” 2:187

“I suffer not the work of any worker, male or female, to be lost. Ye proceed from one another.” 3:195

“Lo! men and women who surrender unto Allah, men and women who believe, men and women who obey, men and women who are true, men and women who persevere, men and women who are humble, men and women who give in charity, men and women who abstain, men and women who guard their chastity, and men and women who remember Allah much, Allah hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward. And it becomes not a believing man or woman, when Allah and His messenger have decided an affair for them, that they should after that claim a say in their affair; and whoso disobeys Allah and His messenger, he is indeed in manifest error.” 33:35-36

“And they (women) have rights similar to those of men over them in equity, though men have a degree of responsibilities (or advantages) over them.” 2:228

“And if ye fear a breach between the twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind.” 4:34,35

“Divorce is only permissible twice: after that the parties should hold together in equity or separate in kindness. And it is not lawful for you to take from wives anything which you have given them; except when both fear that they may not be able to keep within the limits imposed by Allah....And if he has divorced her the third time then she is not lawful to him thereafter until she has wedded another husband.” 2:229-230

“For divorced women a fair provision is a duty for the righteous.” 2:241

“Mothers shall suckle their children for two whole year;, that is for those who wish to complete the suckling. The duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the father of the child. No one should be charged beyond his capacity. A mother should not be made to suffer because of her child, nor should he to whom the child is born be made to suffer because of his child. An heir has the same responsibilities. If they desire to wean the child by mutual consent and after consultation, it is no sin for them; and if you wish to give your children out to nurse, it is no sin for you provided that you pay what is due in equity. Observe your duty to Allah, and know that Allah is Seer of what you do.” 2:233           

“And covet not a thing in which Allah hath made some of you to excel others. Unto men a fortune which they have earned and unto women a fortune which they have earned. Envy not one another but ask Allah for His bounty.” 4:32

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them...And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornments only that which is apparent, and to draw their veil over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornments save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands fathers, or sons or their husbands sons, or their brothers or their brothers sons or sisters or sisters sons or their women, or their servants, or male attendants who lack vigour or children who know naught of women’s nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornments.” 24:30-31

“As for those who traduce virtuous, believing women who are careless, cursed are they in the world and the hereafter....Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women; such are innocent of that which people say.” 24:23, 26

 

Some comments, based on these verses, need to be made:-

1. There is moral and spiritual equality between the sexes. (3:195, 4:124, 7:189, 9:71, 16:72, 16:97, 33:35, 30:21, 42:11, 51:56 57:12). Women have the same legal, economic, political and social rights as men. Men and women have equal rights in Islam to education, self-development and self-fulfilment. They have the same duties to seek knowledge and apply it, and to fulfil their natural functions. They have the same rights to rewards for their work and actions. Apart from the rules laid down by the Quran, the relationship between husband and wife requires mutual consent. They have the rights to property, inheritance, earnings from work, the rights to participate in public affairs and elect representatives, to participation in, and contribution to, social and cultural activities, to chose a mate and marry, to self-determination and the duty to take the consequences of their actions. The fact that in many Muslim countries women are not treated equally has nothing to do with Islam. Equality does not, however, mean that they are similar. What it means is that they must be treated differently according to their differences and similarly according to their similarities. Wives are, for instance, required to render their husbands certain services in return for financial support. And, indeed, when equality is demanded by women in the West it is equality in Justice which is under consideration. It is demanded precisely because it does not exist. Factual equality cannot be demanded.

2. The phrase “Ye proceed from one another” is constantly occurring in the Quran to emphasise the inter-dependence of the sexes. The notion of a sex war or competition between the sexes is entirely alien to Islam. Each has to recognise the essential characteristics and virtues of the other and to cooperate rather than compete. They are not rivals. The attitudes and behaviour of each sex towards the other will, therefore, react on, and affect, the attitude and behaviour of the individual towards himself. Every man has a mother and every woman has a father. This must affect their self-image. They may also have sisters and brothers, daughters and sons with whom they are bound by blood and affection. Every other person is also someone’s son or daughter, and may be someone’s sister, brother, wife, husband, mother or father. We do not, therefore, deal only with an individual in isolation. Humanity stands on two legs. Where one is defective, malfunctioning or distorted then not only does it become unbalanced but the other leg also becomes deformed.

3. Men and women are inherently different; therefore, their roles are different. This implies that each sex is superior in respect of certain characteristics over the other. These differences are not regarded as being superficial, created by culture, as they are regarded in the West. Differences can be observed in the behaviour of babies and children before the effects of cultural conditioning. The differences in function can also be observed in most animals. Thus the rights and duties given to each are different. (2:228). These differences do not imply inequality. Since human beings are seen in terms of their function as human beings rather than in terms of a profession, then domestic or family life is considered as, or even more, important in Islam than a profession, contrary to the attitude in the West. Men are to provide for their families, and women are to look after the home and family. And each should aid the other. Neither of these roles is considered more important than the other. Each has a personal, social and spiritual aspect. If the spiritual aspect is missing then both roles are equally bad. The whole of the Western argument about the status of women, which is based on the assumption that the domestic role is inferior and that it has only a personal dimension may, therefore, be rejected.

The difference between the sexes, as among most other creatures, is not one of intelligence, but of biological function. They are all related to the different reproductive roles which the process of evolution has proved to be most useful for the survival and development of the species. In other words, that is how Allah has ordained it. Given the difference in role, we can deduce the differences in characteristics, and conversely, given the differences in characteristics, we can deduce the difference in role. Women possess the physical and psychological equipment to bear and rear children, while the function of men is to fertilize women and to protect and care for their family by providing a safe environment. Women are wider in the hips and narrower in the chest. They are stronger in the legs but weaker in the arms. They have the wombs and the breasts to bear and nourish the child. These are controlled by hormones which also produce other physical and psychological differences. The psychology of women is controlled to a large extent by the menstrual cycle which appears to be connected with the phases of the moon. Their physiology, therefore, has a greater effect on it. Men, on the other hand are controlled more by their nervous system, and, therefore, by the senses and experience through them. There is some evidence that the sun has a greater effect on them, and hence the rhythms of day and night and the changes in the seasons, though, in general they are more stable. Women are more vulnerable and dependant because of the menstrual cycle, during pregnancy and when they have small children. This makes them seek security in a man. Men, being free of these disabilities, but still having the need to reproduce, are equipped with the desire and obligation to care and provide this security and the means to life for the women and children.

Female characteristics are produced by oestrogens. Maleness is produced by the secretion of androgens, particularly testosterone which not only produces the physical characteristics such as deepening of the voice, facial hair, stronger muscles but also greater competitiveness, dominance, alertness, agility and aggression, which is required not merely for defense but for tackling and controlling the environment. It also controls the sexual urge in both sexes. A great amount of research has been done on the effects of this hormone, but the results are not widely published in the West because of the current political climate regarding the status of women. Both sexes undergo physiological and associated psychological changes in adolescence. Breasts develop and menstruation starts in women and in men the voice changes, facial hair grows and semen begins to form. There is reason to believe that women do not undergo the profounder psychological changes from childhood to adulthood in the way men do, but that men do not undergo the menopause, the change from adulthood to seniority, as women do. It is only in seniority that the differences disappear.

 Women are, on the average, smaller in size and physically weaker than men. They are softer owing to a layer of fat under their skin; less sensitive because of the same fat, allowing them to bear pain better; and possessing greater resistance to disease and stress. Their immune system has to be more complex because the child growing in her womb is not purely her own but contains foreign genes, those of her husband. The woman is relatively receptive and passive while the male is bestowing and active, both sexually and psychologically. Women have to be quickened by impregnation and stimulation by the male. Whereas men provide the raw energy, it is women who give form to it. Men do the manufacturing work, but women make homes out of these. The child is physically an extension of the mother, but an extension of the father in a more hidden and remote sense. Women are, therefore, much more security minded while men are greater risk takers, more adventurous and less careful of preserving their lives. They are more competitive and aggressive both to protect and dominate, and this has had evolutional significance. The creativity of women is absorbed biologically, but that of men is diverted into cultural directions, in invention, exploration, crafts, music and art or in cultivation and training, particularly their child. These characteristics in men are often falsely interpreted as selfish, egotistic domination over wives, and women over children, but they could become a problem. All these factors obviously create differences between the roles of mother and father. The stability of the relationship between husband and wife is probably based on the fact that it contains some aspects of the relationship between parents and child - The husband is both like her child and father to the wife, and the wife is both like his child and mother to the husband.

There are differences in the way men and women feel, think and behave and in their interests. Men and women look for and, therefore, see things differently. Their motivation and action are different too. Psychologically, the main characteristics of women are interest and superior skills in speech, language and communication and in social, emotional and inter-personal relationships. This is obviously connected with the function of motherhood. Men, on the other hand, have greater facility with numbers, space and time relationships, which are required for manipulation and control of the environment. They are interested in physical prowess and skills, machines, instruments, tools, sport, hobbies, the causes and structure of things, and abstract ideas. This is because they have to deal with a larger world. Women are more interested in people, their looks, colours, decorations, impressions and effects. Men think mostly analytically. Women think mostly associatively, where one thing leads to another. This often annoys men who accuse them of not sticking to the point and being illogical. Since women are interested in children, family and people, things connected with life, they regard the interests of men, which go beyond these confines, as games, whereas men regard the women’s interest as narrow and restricting. However, both ways of thinking have their uses in the different functions they perform. Though both possess the same faculties, the capacity for empathy, sympathy and intuition is greater in women and men have a greater capacity for systematization and for solving problems step by step, rationalization and thinking in terms of rules. Though men are better with numbers and women are better at language, men have achieved a great amount in literature, philosophy and science through language. But this is because these achievements use language as a means to encapsulate their experience of patterns and order. They use it to capture, manipulate, transmit and apply information. For women language is a means of forming personal and social relationships, particularly with the child.

Men tend to be more active, aggressive, individualistic, competitive, radical, innovative and willing to take risks while women are more sedate, passive, docile, patient, persistent, socially minded, cooperative, conservative and conventional. In so far an action is a balance between desire, aggression against opposition on the one hand and fear of consequences on the other, the difference is caused by the fact that men are less fearful than women. This could be because men have a less developed imagination about what could happen and stronger desires. Women tend to have a greater imagination and proneness to fantasy. All this is because women must give birth and preserve life, while men can always re-impregnate. The behaviour of women tends to be controlled more by their instincts and feeling, Since their interests and abilities lie more in social interaction than in material or ideological matters as their relationship with their child demands, they exert and are prone to social pressures to a greater extent, but also socially more adaptable than men. They are also more interested in decoration and self-decoration and other sources of social significance. Men are controlled more by ideas and experience and their capacity for abstract, impersonal thought, motivation and action is greater. This is connected with the fact that their relationship with their child is more indirect and abstract. Men, therefore, have a greater capacity for self-control and self-discipline, and the deficiency of this in women often makes them dependant on men for it. Women tend to be more prone to impulse, but also to obsession and phobias, which often give a false impression of self-control. The difference lies in that these tendencies are formed by emotional attachments while self-control is based on ideas, and as such, is more flexible. However, men are, for this reason also more prone to rationalization and to imagination based on desires as opposed to those stimulated by fear. Women tend to act on the outer world through men rather than acting on it themselves. This takes the form of stimulating, as they have to do with children, which often turns, annoyingly, into nagging.

A major difference lies in the way energy is utilized. Whereas men are able to make much greater efforts for short periods, women are able to sustain gentler efforts over a longer period than men. This applies also to the emotions and intellect. Girls can give attention to something for a longer time, while boys are more easily bored, their attention wanders and they need more stimulation and variety than girls. The advantage is that boys have a wider vision and are less easily surprised by the unexpected. Women give greater attention to details, but men tend to acquire a better overall general picture. Female attention can be distributed lightly over several tasks at once while male attention tends to be more concentrated on single tasks and tasks have to be done in series. Men tend to be more energetic, vigorous, impulsive and restless while women are more sedentary, persistent and patient and can much more easily conform to a routine or to repetitive work. It has been observed that girls are better at school work on which boys find it difficult to concentrate. This would give women increasing advantage in the future which requires increasing education. However, boys compensate for this by having a faster grasp of a subject. On the other hand once something has been learnt women are more likely to cling to it while men can unlearn and relearn more easily. Men tend to concentrate their attention more intensely but on a narrow field at any given time though the focus can change and has a wider range, while the attention of women is less intense, distributed over a wider field at any given time, but it is not easily changed. Women are always busy and seem more industrious than men. Men tend to conserve their energy for sudden intense use as in emergencies. They, therefore, appear to be lazier and occupy their time in observation and thinking. They also tend to reduce the amount of work by organizing and rationalizing it. A difference of some importance is that male attention is more concentrated and therefore focused more intensely on one or a narrower range at anyone time. This also makes them less distractible. It is a feature of the hunter and warrior. Female attention tends to be distributed over a larger area as their domestic function requires and is, therefore, less intense and more distractible.

The emotional features tend to make women more caring and loyal both to children and husbands, whereas men remain more independent and self-sufficient or form associations based on mutual interests. Since experience rather than physiology has a greater affect on male behaviour, there is also a greater variation between men than among women. However, all this applies to averages. Given any particular characteristic it is always possible to find some men who have it to greater extent than some women or vice versa.

As the differences have been developed by the process of evolution over a long period then they must be objectively useful, having established the success of mankind. Together they form a whole. There ought, therefore, to be no competition but cooperation between the sexes. The existence of such a competition is an indication of disease. Unfortunately, there are also malfunctions and diseases associated with each set of characteristics. It is, for instance, usually women who suffer from depression, emotional instability and phobias, while it is men mainly who suffer from schizophrenia and learning and speech difficulties. Social conditions determine which set of characteristics is more useful or regarded as more valuable. Whereas in a harsher past male characteristics played a dominant role, changes in social conditions are making the female characteristics more important and this may lead to female domination. There is increasing emphasis on language and social relationships in management of industry, commerce, finance, law, education and government, The social services have expanded owing to the problems brought about by the industrial system, and increasing automation has changed the emphasis from production to service industries. All this has increased the value of female characteristics. The pendulum of power may continue to swing backwards and forwards between the sexes unless an intelligent balancing factor is introduced. This balance, as in all other aspects of life, appears to be the aim of Islam.

 

Social conditions affect the way the characteristics develop and this alters the relationship between the sexes. Social conditions need to be provided which are compatible with the characteristics of each sex, if malfunctions are to be avoided. The term ‘psychopath’ or ‘criminal’ is often used to describe anti-social behaviour. These, however, are not always objective terms. If laws are passed that victimize people with certain characteristics then they are turned into criminals. Natural tendencies will re-emerge in a distorted way. Such laws are usually passed on the basis of considerations other than objective ones.

Human beings are formed by three factors;- genetics, experience and efforts. Genetically, inheritance is controlled in human beings by 22 pairs of chromosomes called autosomes, and one pair of sex chromosomes = 46. The female has 2 X sex-chromosomes and the male has an X and a Y sex-chromosome. Thus the difference is accounted for by only a 1/46 part of the constitution. However, every cell in the body contains this difference. Whereas men and women need a pair of all the other Chromosomes, this does not apply to these – Men can do without the extra X and in women the second X is made inactive within the cells. But because different cells have different X-chromosomes active and passive, this makes women into a “mosaic” such that there is often a conflict and ambiguity between characteristic obtained from the father and mother. Even “zygotic twins”, those arising from the splitting of a single fertilized egg, show genetic differences. Apart from the fact that the Y-chromosome makes males, the function of most of the genes on it is not known. The Y chromosome may, perhaps, be regarded as an X with a limb missing which, therefore, exerts less control and allows greater flexibility in the male, both for good and evil. On the other hand, two Xs reinforce certain characteristics in women, while the existence of the Y instead of an X implies that something is missing in men while something else is added. The female brain, for instance, may be regarded as a basic human brain, while that of the male has something added. This makes the male more versatile, but also more unstable. There is a greater variation in men than among women owing to the greater influence of environmental factors. Women need to be more stable and less variable in order to fulfill the invariable biological function of reproduction while the male has to deal with a variable and hostile environment and protect the female from it so that she can fulfill her function. The family is, therefore, like an organism such that the female represents its inner inviolate womb. These chromosomes act by modifying other characteristics rather than creating characteristics of their own. The sexual organs, for instance, are not completely different, but consist of the same organs differently formed. The clitoris in the female is the equivalent of the penis in the male. Changes in sex do happen. The germ cells differ by having half the number of chromosomes. On conception those of the mother and father combine to give the full compliment. Each person is, therefore, the result of the combination of his parents. The sex difference is controlled by the male sperm as it could have either an X or a Y chromosome. The chromosomes govern development, characteristics and behaviour. The woman is fully developed by about the age of 18, but it takes another 3 years for the man to mature. This allows him to learn and develop further.

Experiences depend on the general environment, including the physical, economic, political, social, educational, ideological and cultural conditions, and particularly family life. Culture is acquiring an ever increasing importance in forming character. However, a culture is very complex and each individual is subject to only certain aspects of it. The culture, however, has effects only in suppressing, stimulating or channeling inherent characteristics. It can form a personality which conflicts with the inherent nature of a person.

 Efforts arise from both genetic and experiential factors and can modify both. They are driven by motives and values. It is usually Religions which provide these in a society. The decline of the influence of religion makes human beings less self-controlled.

 

Islam is a spiritual discipline. It is designed according to what is appropriate for the nature of each sex and the child. It requires men to develop self-control, self-sacrifice and responsibility, and it requires women to develop tolerance, cooperation and caring. And each is required to help the other in this. Verse 4:34 may be interpreted as implying that it is a duty of the husband to provide not only the material, but also the social and psychological resources to support their wives and children. The role of the wife is to support the husband and provide the needs for the development of children. Both should teach the Islamic way of life to the children by example, instruction, and by providing suitable conditions and experiences. The mother does so within the home which should reflect and be a reflection of the community in miniature, and the father does so with respect to the greater community. Thus the interaction between husband and wife creates a link which allows the family situation to be externalised into the community, and the outer situation to be internalised. If then the family is a loving and ordered one in which the virtues can develop, then this should be a powerful force for the transformation of the society. This cannot be done by a non-Muslim mother or by one who is engaged in a separate career. In particular, if the wife has a career and earns a living then the father becomes relatively redundant. His dignity and authority are diminished. This has harmful effect for the discipline, self-image and general psychological development of the children. Being a wife and mother is her career, and the husband is expected to remunerate her accordingly.

Whereas the public world is the domain of men, the domestic world is the domain of women. Both are equally necessary for a healthy life and require its experts. The proper functioning of each facilitates the proper functioning of the other. If wives do not give their husbands what they need from them physically, emotionally and intellectually, then they are unlikely to get from them what they need and vice versa. It is only those who regard the external or public world as being of greater importance, who mistake the position of the Islamic woman as being suppressed or inferior. This attitude derives from the more general tendency towards Externalism which includes materialism, sensuality, superficiality and mechanicalness. The inner life, the psyche, the soul and spirit are thoroughly neglected by such people. Domestic life in Islam has the same relationship with the public life as the inner spiritual life has with the outer life, the essence with the personality, and is, therefore, protected. In particular children in the West tend to be treated as incidental. But where the emphasis is on psychological development there the future of the race is important, and this implies that the welfare and development of children has priority. The child represents the unity between husband and wife and a creative act, both of which symbolise the Creator. Sexual relationships should, therefore, be regarded as holy.

The parents have a greater genetic interest in, as well as a greater genetic empathy with, the child than anyone else. The proper development of the child requires the influences from both parents since these relate to each other, facilitate adjustment and counter-balance each other. All attempts to rear children through State or private institutions or employed specialists have proved a failure and this cannot be otherwise. It is also against a fundamental human need and right. Adoption does not solve the problem of genetic compatibility. There are, of course some very bad parents, but they must be regarded as having been psychologically damaged by the social system. The social system must be designed to prevent this from happening.

 

4. Women are to be honoured, treated with kindness, respect and justice. The mother, in particular, has the highest status. Looking at women with lust, as objects to be used for pleasure and entertainment, is not treating them with respect. Disregarding their distinct natures, treating them as pseudo-men, is also a devaluation of femininity and the female role.

A society can be judged by the way its women are treated and how they behave by reaction for at least five reasons:-

   (a) Dishonorable treatment is psychologically and spiritually unhealthy for the society in general. Every woman is, after all, someone’s daughter, mother, sister or wife. The respect, dignity and value with which a person regards himself depends on the dignity and purity of his source.

   (b) Women are also human beings and have a right to develop their potentialities like men. If women are treated as inferiors because they are weaker then there is also no reason why men, who are also unequal in this respect, should not be treated in the same way for the same reasons.

   (c) Women possess characteristics which should contribute to the development of the society and counter-balance other characteristics possessed by men. If women are not respected then no attention is paid to their points of view, their characteristics tend to be suppressed and the society becomes unbalanced. It will be more competitive and aggressive and less cooperative, for instance. Their value as providers of incentives will also suffer.

   (d) The suppression of women disables half the population and renders their abilities useless. In particular the development of the children, the next generation depends on the abilities of mothers. A nation where women are suppressed will, therefore, remain backwards.

   (e) However, women can be spoilt by over-indulgence. This shows as rebelliousness, lack of respect for husbands, domestic tension, break down of marriages and the social fabric, neurosis, self-indulgence and neglect of duties towards family and children which creates a delinquent new generation. Over-indulgence is also due to neglect by men of their duties to women.

 

The Islamic view of marriage may be given thus:- Marriage is a completion by the joining of life and a first step to Unification. The husband regards and treats his wife, and the wife her husband, or should regard them, as they would regard and treat themselves. They are a part of each other as the limbs are, and as such do take each other for granted. But as they were originally separate individuals, the union cannot be achieved without the recognition of a unifying factor, namely the forces Allah creates such as sexual attraction and love, and the instructions regarding relationships which are compatible with these. The rights of men and women with respect to each other are defined by Allah (4:1).

 

 5. Modesty is essential in both sexes. It is connected with self-respect. Respect for women depends partly on their modest behaviour (24:30-31). If men and women inspire lust in each other, then lust will become the basis of judgement and motivation. Lust is a condition in which the characteristics and value of the human being are ignored. He or she is regarded as an object to be used for personal gratification. It is, therefore, incompatible with the dignity which the term ‘vicegerent’ bestows. Nor should Men and women provoke or tempt each other. People must always be held responsible for the consequences of their actions. In a market place it is appropriate to display the goods which are for sale. In a commercial civilisation where people are also treated as goods, they are expected to sell themselves too. Women enhance and exploit their assets. Enormous amounts of money, effort, time, energy and attention are wasted in the frivolous cultivation of physical charm and the temptations it brings. Yet time marches on and death is inevitable. The economic, as well as the social and psychological consequences of the two ways of life, the modest and the immodest, should not be underestimated. The purpose of modesty in dress and behaviour is to divert attention from the more superficial, physical and material aspects to the mental, moral and spiritual values. The emphasis is bound to be placed on the physical in proportion to inner spiritual poverty. Immodest dressing and behaviour leads to waste of time, physical and psychological energy, money, and to the harm and suffering connected with the pursuit of women, adultery, fornication and rape. Muslim women were required to distinguish themselves from others by appropriate dress to indicate publicly that they were not available for such purposes, that they were not sex objects, and that they had more important psychological and intellectual qualities. And it works! It gives them greater freedom as well as respect.

The Western Feminists attitude is that women should be free to dress and do as they like, and that it is men who should control themselves to allow them the freedom to do this. But this view is incompatible with Biological realities as many women with this attitude have discovered to their cost. The behaviour of each sex is linked with that of the other. Women dress and behave in a provocative manner to please and attract men in cultures where this is what men want from them. It is not, therefore, surprising that if women conform to this, then this should be taken as a sign of acquiescence. They also often do this in order to control men, but this provokes retaliation.

Modesty is also necessary in order to reduce sexual stimulation and to facilitate its association with love and affection. Excessive stimulation not only encourages perversion but also diverts the energy from other urges into sexual activity, thereby preventing its sublimation. All higher forms of creativity, the development of love and spiritual growth depend on sexual sublimation. Civilisations arise when the creativity contained within sexuality is channelled. But having achieved a certain level of prosperity, ease and security, the challenge diminishes, discipline declines, and sensuality takes its place. Sexual energy escapes discipline, is squandered, and civilisations degenerate. But modesty is not an end in itself. The perversity of the human mind is such that in some Muslim communities exaggerated modesty in dress is found side by side with sexual infidelity and debauchery. This is a contradiction. If artificial sexual stimulation were to be reduced and sexuality properly channelled the population problem could be solved without abortion which further reduces respect for life.

Though Christians regard this aspect of Islam as most objectionable, it is Jesus himself who taught that he who lusts after a woman has committed adultery in his heart. (Matthew 5:28). Islam takes practical steps to prevent this. Islam requires morality and modesty in both men and women equally. There is no bias in favour of greater sexual freedom for men. It is this bias which in the West has led women to demand the same freedom. Both are discouraged from gazing at each other with lust, behaving provocatively or seducing each other. Women are to cover, in public places, those parts of their body which may cause temptations in feelings, thought or action. Except for relatives no intimate association between men and women is allowed. There is, however, no justification for the full veil which disables many Muslim women, physically, socially and psychologically. This disablement and the confinement of women in the home is not a religious requirement.

The guiding principles about dress in public places are as follows:-

1. It should cover all sexually attractive parts (awrah). In the case of women the whole of the body except the face and hands are regarded as awrah by common consent (ijma). Though this interpretation may change with times, places, people and circumstances, men everywhere appear to be sexually aroused by female legs and arms.

2. It should not itself become a means of sexual stimulation or attraction.

                (a) It should not be designed to seduce or advertise.

                (b) It should not be transparent or semi-transparent.

                (c) It should be loose, not tight fitting.

                (d) It should not be perfumed.

                (e) It should not be enhanced with artificial adornments e.g. jewellery.

3. The dress of each sex should not resemble that of the other, thereby causing confusion.

4. Dress should not be governed by pride and vanity or create worldly distinctions of wealth, power or honour. Men should not wear silks or jewellery. This does not apply to women. This rule, however, relates to a more general psychological and social condition rather than to only sexual relationships.

5. Dress should not resemble that of non-Muslims. But this rule probably refers to three things:- (a) to the departures from the above rules, (b) to the fact that outer appearance flows from and reinforces the inner conditions which the Muslim is required to cultivate, (c) to allow Muslims to recognize each other, thereby facilitating solidarity.

The requirement for modesty, however, does not lead to sexual repression as was the case in Victorian times in the West. Within the marriage there is unlimited sexual freedom provided there is mutual consent. Here modesty becomes a vice. The rules of modesty are, of course, means to an end. They would not be required if people were self-controlled and trustworthy. That is, if there were no sexual misdemeanors in society.

 

6. Islam makes men responsible for women; that is, the care, welfare and protection of women is the responsibility of men, and this cannot be done without some control.

“Men are the Qawwamun (protectors and maintainers) of women, because Allah hath given the one more power than the other, and because they spend of their means for the support of women. So good women are the obedient, guarding (the interests, reputation and virtue) that which Allah hath guarded.” 4:34

The word “Qawwamun” means someone who has the responsibility of safe-guarding the interest of someone else. Men have this duty because women are weaker and more vulnerable particularly during menstruation, pregnancy and when they are hampered with the care of young helpless children. (4:34, 2:228) The care of women is part of the vicegerency of men. The verse means both that they are in charge of their welfare and interests as well as guardians over them. It does not mean that they should be domineering and dictatorial, though they should exercise leadership and responsibility. This is a duty to Allah. In return women are required to be obedient to husbands. This, too, is a duty to Allah, a religious duty, and the care of the husband is part of their vicegerency. All secular arguments against this requirement should be regarded as quite irrelevant. The difference is one of social function and order and not because of moral inequality. It does not apply to men and women not married to each other, and cannot, of course apply to those who have no Islamic beliefs. The State in the West, also created by men, has now taken over the job of protecting women. It has special laws to do this. This would not have been necessary if inherent inequality did not exist and was not recognised. But in taking over this job it has taken away male responsibility and created an imbalance between the sexes. Western law requires of women no compensatory duties. It propagates an injustice.

 Surrender to husband is part of Surrender to Allah. It does not imply that the wife has to obey a husband when he flouts the religious code, is unreasonable or does not fulfil his duties towards her. In fact, it bestows a responsibility on men. Nor does it mean that the wife should not have some independence or express her own opinions. In fact, the need for discussion and mutual consent is expressly mentioned (4:24). The purpose is to prevent conflict and maintain the unity and stability of marriage. There should be no argumentation and conflicts in the home, both for the sake of the spouses and the children. The importance of unity and harmony is an aid to development and growth. If the husband respects his wife, consults her and is considerate, as Islam requires, no problems should arise. No political or commercial organisation in the West operates without recognising differences in rank and yet these differences are not regarded as flouting the principle of equality and families are biologically and psychologically more important than these. The word obedience has acquired a particular connotation because of its association with slavery. In fact, it ought to mean “ to make someone’s wishes into ones own”. It has connections with love and respect. It is not imposed but undertaken voluntarily. In the West women have revolted by asserting their individuality and independence, but since this is based on egotism which is regard as the very reverse of surrender, it cannot be compatible with Islam. This revolt is, no doubt, a reaction to, and an imitation of, male egotism. In Islam, the differences in role are not connected, or should not be connected, with egotism. A person does not identify himself and derive his significance from a profession but from his natural function.

The main purpose of obedience is to induce a respect for authority in children who learn from their mothers, and to connect it with love. Authority means superiority in knowledge, ability, experience, self-discipline and responsibility rather than arbitrary power. In the absence of this connection, authority can only be imposed by force and fear. This has a negative effect in that it is preventing rather than motivating. The one produces intelligent self-discipline while the other is usually arbitrary and oppressive and produces mental conditioning or generates resentment and revolt. Submission to authority not only produces social order but also has developmental effects since the individual does not merely behave in a mechanical or automatic manner but absorbs from outside, behaviour modifying and expanding influences. Women are responsible for the biological and social welfare of the children, but the men are required to add the extra dimension to life.  

 The male, not being connected with the child biologically in the same way as the female, has the tendency to be more independent, abstract, calculating and impersonal, but also more self-centered, competitive, aggressive, These allow him to deal with the world. The role given to him is designed to counteract the harmful side effects of these tendencies. The mother, on the other hand, has the tendency to form attachments, to be less self-disciplined, more subjective, impulsive, sentimental, spontaneous and indulgent. She also tends to be more possessive and domineering (since motherhood involves controlling the child for its own good). Obviously, these characteristics are advantageous in bringing up children. Obedience is a form of discipline designed to counteract the harmful side effects. Husband and wife are required to help each other in these roles. In the modern age the tendency is to do the reverse with dire consequences. Irresponsibility, self-indulgence and disrespect for authority have become rampant. Authority produces order by creating a structure and defining responsibilities.

Two reasons are given for the difference in role. The first is that men have been given more. This may refer to their qualities and functions, or to their greater social rank, wealth, and control over affairs. Men are on the average stronger than women. There is little doubt that they are physically stronger, on average, taller, have a larger brain, larger lungs to inhale more oxygen, and more oxygen-carrying red corpuscles in their blood. They require more nourishment because their metabolism is faster and they have more energy. This enables them to make greater efforts. Though the male brain is larger, the female has proportionately more grey matter in which computation takes place, but the male has more white matter which connects the cells together and this gives them greater spatial talents and a wider context. The greater male aggression is required not merely for self-defense and fighting but to enable them to tackle every problem in connection with the environment. It makes them more alert and their reactions faster. It is true that intelligence and mental capacity does not depend upon brain-size alone, but also on the number of nerve connection, the surface area of the brain which can be increased by increasing the number of convolutions, and the amount of the supply of nourishment, hormones and oxygen brought by the blood. But the bigger the brain the more can its surface area be increased, the more connections can it have. However, training and effort can cause a smaller brain to be more useful than a larger one which has no training and makes no effort. Islam, however, envisages the maximum of education and effort. However there are also great differences between members of the same sex. We are speaking only of averages. In fact each person must be judged on his or her own merits.

 As children become aware of these differences, it affects the development of girls and boys. It creates a degree of insecurity in women particularly when the vulnerability due to menstruation and pregnancy is added. They develop what might be called a dependent psychology. They require greater approval, affection, support, reassurance and attention. Much of their behaviour consists of reactions, positively or negatively, to men. It also produces greater rivalry between women.

In nature the male usually has the dominant role. Men have been given, on the average, greater creativity, initiative, vigour and capacity for control and leadership. More is, therefore, expected from them. It is mostly men who are responsible for the achievements of civilization. Women, on the other hand, seem to be biologically superior and have better social skills. Their role as mothers demands it. The differences have obviously arisen over a long evolutionary history. All these factors have an effect in the psychological development of the sexes. The status of women, then depends on the restraint of men. Islam requires this restraint from men, and an equivalent restraint on the part of women with respect to men.

In the past physical strength was more important to life, and men were then clearly superior to women. The advance of technology, training and organization, however, have eroded the importance of the differences in physical as well as, to a large extent, intellectual strength and created greater equality, and this must be recognized. We cannot, therefore, speak of inequality between the sexes in this sense, but only from the point of view of organizational requirements. However, much labour still requires the greater strength of men.

The Quran warns against envy of the superiority of others. (4:32) It requires people to strive for improvement instead. This exhortation could apply to socialists as well as feminists and other revolutionaries who are motivated by envy. The point to be made is that for any individual whatever, there is always likely to be someone who is superior in some ways. It is possible to learn or benefit from them. Envy is not constructive. A person is to be judged by how he copes in his own situation with the assets he has.

Leadership and recognized roles remove conflict and argument. These roles have nothing to do with physical, moral or intellectual superiority or inferiority, but with social function. Whereas it may well be that a particular woman is more intelligent, more able or more knowledgeable than a particular man, this can be used just as advantageously within the role. Islam does not recognize one role as superior to another. Even if the wife is superior to the husband in some respect she must allow the husband to carry out his function. If the husband is not the head of the family and does not carry out, or try to carry out, his function adequately it is not only he who will suffer, but also his wife and children. Indeed, it may be said that he, then, has no function in the family at all. The function of the mother becomes by default the more important one. Human life has a greater significance than merely reproduction. The status of men is designed to provide this extra dimension. While the mother provides the social values, the more abstract values such as those requiring self-discipline, deriving from the greater world of industry, science, philosophy and religion come through the father. If the husband is not the head of the family, then owing to the differences in character and relationship with the children, discipline in the family will suffer. An undisciplined new generation will arise in which the moral values and purposes of life will collapse. Children need both indulgence from the mother and discipline from the father. The reversal of roles where the mother provides all discipline and the father provides all indulgence creates quite a different psychological effect owing to the fact that the child is physiologically more intimately connected with the mother, while the father’s role is more detached. He is the source of principles and ideas. It is not an accident that religions have declined at the same time as the male role has.

 

The second reason for the difference is an economic one. Men are the providers and are entitled to some return for it. Presumably if men cease to be providers then the requirement for obedience ceases. Conversely, if women cease to provide what men require then they also cease to provide what women require of them. Mutual respect is lost. This has, in fact, happened in the West, and will also happen in Islamic countries. Women who go out to work and become financially independent do so mainly by accepting employment with other men whom they have to obey in return for wages. It is not unusual that sexual favours are also included. Loyalties and time become divided, and this weakens the marriage. Equality means that differences of opinion lead to argument and conflict. The indiscriminate mixing of the sexes increases temptations to infidelity, illegitimate births and divorce becomes commonplace. Neither parent has time for the children. They are left to school teachers who can only provide intellectual and physical education, in facts, and not in emotions, feelings and values. Apart from schools the children are left to their own immature devices and the social pressures of their equally immature peers.. Many grow up bewildered, undisciplined, delinquent, confused, inadequate, purposeless, wild and neurotic.

The absence of both parents from the home removes the security and guidance required by the child. The worst feature of the industrial revolution has been that first the guidance of the father was taken away from the family because of the need to earn a living away from home, and then the mother, too, joined the labour market. The new generations grows up unguided and rebellious. Delinquency, destructiveness, violence and crime increase. This has particularly affected the boys who are now often found in threatening gangs. All this has become a problem in all Western countries. The wrecking of so many young lives should be considered a crime. Governments still consider their priorities to be not the welfare of its citizens but to make the nation “prosperous” and “strong”. But “prosperous” and “strong” are not defined and no one knows what they mean or whether they have any value. Because there are nations which are expanding and growing wealthier and more powerful then, just to keep up with them and survive, other nations have to adopt similar social conditions. If governments continue to confine their attention to economic and political matters while ignoring social, cultural and spiritual matters, they will find that the former will be destroyed by the latter.

 

It is true that the position, dignity and independence of a person depend to a large extent on their financial situation. Wives, in Islam do have a certain amount of financial independence. The husband is obliged to give them a portion of his earnings (4:24). They have the right to inherit (4:11-13). On marriage a certain amount is usually settled on the wife which is to be given them if there is to be a divorce (4:20-21). In view of the problems caused by mothers who go out to work it has been suggested in some Western countries that they should be paid by the State to look after the children. Motherhood is to be regarded as a profession. Such money can only come out of the taxes paid by the husbands. The suggestion is, therefore, similar to the Islamic position.

It remains a fundamental fact throughout the world that the status of women depends on men. The State has taken over this protection in the West. But the majority of legislators, police, lawyers and judges who create and enforce these laws are, and will probably remain, men. Though women now have their own independent careers in increasing numbers their average status remains inferior to that of men and is likely to remain so, unless the production and rearing of children is done in Laboratories and factories. Their achievements in the Arts, Sciences, Industry and Politics, are relatively rare. But these are male criteria of judgment. There is no good reason for judging women by them. A different set of criteria to judge excellence in women should be used, and is used in Islam.

 

7. The relationship between husband and wife is given by:-

“They (women) are raiments for you, and you are raiments for them.” 2:187

“He it is who created you from a single soul, and there from did make his mate that he may take rest in her.” 7: 189

“Your women are a tilth for you (to cultivate), so go to your tilth as ye will, and send good deeds before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that ye will one day meet Him.” 2:223

“Seek them with your wealth in honest wedlock, not debauchery. And those with whom ye seek content in marriage, give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no sin for you in what ye do by mutual agreement after the duty hath been done.” 4:24

“And among His signs is this that He created for you helpmates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Surely, in these are signs for those who reflect.” 30:21

“And Allah has given you wives of your own kind, and has given you from your wives, sons and grandsons, and has made provision of good things for you..” 16:72

Islam does not encourage celibacy and does not regard the sexual impulse as an evil which should be repressed. It is gift of God and should be used responsibly for the purposes for which it was meant. And these purposes are all incorporated in Marriage.

Marriage, in Islam, is (a) an act of worship, (b) a part of righteousness, (c) an integral part of man’s function in the scheme of things. (d) Its purpose is sexual and emotional fulfilment, (e) reproduction, (f) social integration and (g) mutual comfort, cooperation, support and development.

A variety of relationships and functions are possible, as long as there is mutual agreement. In the modern age men help in the housework and wives help in providing the family income. This is in no way incompatible with Islam. It is also possible to make agreements and sign marriage contracts before a marriage takes place, as long the contract does not flout the Islamic spirit. As they depend on the agreement between partners, marriages cannot be regulated by States and Political bodies. However, a marriage affects a community, and the community, therefore, has an interest in it. The reference to women as tilth need not be taken as only referring to their physical function as child-bearers. It also indicates that the response of women depends to a large extent on how they are treated by men.

Islam forbids marriages based on debauchery or lust. Lust, which consists of the use of another person for selfish sensual purposes, is clearly incompatible with love. All the Islamic rules regarding modesty and marriage are meant to cultivate love and eradicate lust. Love does not mean sexual desire or infatuation, as it is popularly regarded in the West, but concern for the welfare of another. If this could be achieved in some other way, then such rules become unnecessary. Marriages are not made by laws, desires, compulsions, commercial or political agreements or marriage licenses and legal documents, but by the commitment of the individuals to each other, by the joining of lives. If the relationship between a man and a woman is based on genuine love or honourable intentions then there can be no blame attached to it. However, love should include consideration for children, families, partners and any other persons affected. It cannot be wholly self-centred as it has become in the West. Sexual relationships require a certain amount of self-discipline. It is the absence of this which condemns the modern age.

 

8. The stability of marriage is of high importance, both for the sake of the parents and the children and the future of the race. Marital disloyalty is a most serious crime. Promiscuity not only makes people incapable of forming the required bonds, but creates a superficial psychological attitude towards sexuality, persons and life itself. Since sexuality is connected intimately with life, physical, social and psychological, the Islamic attitude towards it is serious. Sexual perversions such as homosexuality, lesbianism, incest and sexual intercourse with animals and children are punished by imprisonment for life or until true repentance. (4:15-24). Adultery probably causes more harm than murder. Adultery, including fornication, are punished by flogging, though great precautions are taken against false accusations and slander. Under Hebrewism it was stoning to death.

“And come not near adultery (or fornication). Lo! It is an abomination, opening the way to other evils.” 17:32

“The adulterer and the adulteress, scourge ye each of them with a hundred stripes. And let not pity for the twain withhold you from obedience to Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of believers witness their punishment. The adulterer shall not marry save an adulteress or an idolatress. All that is forbidden unto believers. And those who accuse honourable women but bring not four witnesses, scourge them with eight stripes and never afterwards accept their testimony - they indeed are evil doers - save those who afterwards repent and make amends. For such Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. As for those who accuse their wives and have no witnesses except themselves, let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies, swearing by Allah that he speaks the truth; and yet a fifth, invoking the curse of Allah on him if he lies. And it shall avert the punishment from her if she bear witness before Allah four times that the thing he says is indeed false. And a fifth time that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he speak the truth.” 24:2-9

Obviously, much of this cannot apply to non-believers who can swear falsely.

In the West, rather than deal with the causes directly, innumerable and complex laws are passed and measures taken to deal with the consequences of fornication and adultery, such as those connected with the care of illegitimate children and their mothers, break up of family, disputes and violence, incest, rape, bigamy, venereal diseases and the tracing of fathers in order to make them financially responsible. None of this is effective but encourages the disease. It is seldom realised that loose sexual relationships, sexual perversions, break up of marriages and families, social disruptions, abortions and cruelty to children, increasing neurosis, psychopathy and psychosis, devaluation of life and the person, increased selfishness, individuality and greed, materialism, violence and conflicts, crime are all inter-connected and form a single system.

Islamic marriages are usually arranged by the parents, or require the consent of parents.

“Ye proceed from one another; so wed them by permission of their folk, and give unto them their portions.” 4:25

There is, however, nothing in the Quran which requires marriages to be arranged without the consent of the partners. On the contrary:-

“...place not difficulties in the way of their marrying their husbands if it is agreed between them in kindness. It is an abomination for him among you who believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is more virtuous for you, and cleaner.” 2:232

Courtship is found in most animals. Since man also possesses intelligence, Islam requires that the selection of a mate should be done intelligently. Evolution depends on sexual selection. In human beings it of greater importance because the partners must assess each other from three points of view:- (a) to determine the qualities of future children from a genetic point of view. (b) to determine whether the partner can provide environmental necessities for their children, the economic, social and psychological needs - whether they will make good fathers and mothers. (c) to determine whether they are compatible and can live together harmoniously and provide a stable family for their children. If courtship fails in these respects then fornication and adultery will take place, the family will collapse and the new generation will be damaged.

There is a difference between man and animals. The social and sexual organisation of animals such as the apes is inherent in their nature and is determined by evolution according to what bestows the best advantages to the species. Human beings, however, differ from animals in three ways:- (a) The sexual impulse in them is not seasonal but permanent. Women, unlike, female animals also have an orgasm. The purpose of these features is to create stronger bonds through shared experiences because the bringing up of children requires a stable family. (b) Human beings have become partially free of inbuilt instincts and are controlled more by cultural forces. (c) they possess greater intelligence and can exercise reason. They can and have created their own environments to which they must also adjust. In the past when life was less organised and educationally and technologically less sophisticated, women could not find an independent career and it was not safe for women to go out alone. They could be taken advantage of by men for sexual purposes without undertaking the responsibilities for the consequences. The strength of the sexual impulse could lead to temptations and unintelligent, impulsive and unstable relationships and pregnancies which might later be regretted. The children so born would have no protection, financial means or stable and congenial environments in which to develop. There would be no father to share the burden of the work involved, and to provide the role model from which the child could learn how to be a man or how to adjust to the opposite sex, and there would be no loving home from which to learn love, and develop a sense of security and significance. The society as a network of interlinked families would disintegrate. No civilisation could have developed under these circumstances. Thus, evolution itself demanded that only those societies in which things were arranged in a more advantageous way would survive and develop. This required that the women should be protected in the home by their male relatives.

There was, therefore, no free mixing of the sexes in which courtship and free selection of partners could take place as happens among animals. Marriages, therefore, had to be arranged between families. The problem with this is that the parents could arrange these marriages to suit their own financial or social interests without consulting the welfare and wishes of the children. People who were incompatible were married and later they might have met someone with whom they could feel greater harmony. This would create misery and may destroy the marriage. However, these problems could be overcome in three ways:- By arranging that there was no indiscriminate mixing of the sexes. That each of the sexes knew, understood and conformed to a definite role; that only factors which increased harmony were introduced. That is, ideas, value systems and conditions of life.

The justification for this is that parents having greater experience and wisdom and, having the welfare of the children at heart, can make better matches than the children can. Marriages unite families and are not merely the concern of the partners involved. They may be led astray by impulse, temptation, infatuation or superficial considerations. Arranged marriage prevents the indiscriminate, irresponsible, superficial and casual sexual relationships which make commitment and deeper unions impossible. Free courtship leads to seduction, promiscuity and illegitimate births, It leads to competition in which behaviour is artificial and deceptive unlike that which occurs after marriage. Selection of partners and, hence, descent and evolutionary results will be different when based on intelligent consideration rather than on accident or impulse.

 

In modern days in the West, and increasingly elsewhere, the industrial, political, civil and educational situation has changed. Women go out to work and for leisure, have become financially independent and enjoy the protection of the law. There is a free mixing of the sexes in which they select their own partners. The new youth, driven by newly aroused sexual impulses and the desire to assert their independence, have revolted against the control of parents. Financial independence and the protection of the law has enabled them to do so. Thus, the maladies which the old system was meant to counteract have returned. There is little doubt that free sexual relationships as prevalent in the West lead to all kinds of complexities, difficulties and personal tragedies. There is increasing rape, prostitution, fornication, adultery, illegitimate births, divorce, incest, abortions, The welfare of children is neglected and there is increasing delinquency, psychopathy, crime and neurosis. The developing child is increasingly deprived of security, love and significance, has no examples, role models, or guides, Impulse rather than reason governs behaviour. The increase in the number of different ideas, value systems, social, cultural, industrial factors, as civilizations develop, increases the number of alternatives and this exaggerates incompatibility. Muslim families living in the West find these conditions particularly difficult. They still want to control and arrange the marriages of their children, but cannot owing to the fact that their children are conditioned by an alien culture and are protected by the Law. The only way this situation can be dealt with is if they bring their children up with intensive education in the Islamic way and equip them with information and arguments which can counteract the more perverse pressures of the surrounding culture. This requires that the Muslims create their own educational system. They must also provide their own social environments. It is not the case that a nation consists of a uniform culture. There are always a variety of independent sub-cultures in it. It is also necessary that the Muslim home is a loving and secure one.

Islam does not allow marriages without the consent of the prospective partners. The parents or guardians cannot force a person into a marriage. And this should include threats, bribes, blackmail and other forms of pressure. The reluctance to have partners chosen by parents is not likely to exist where there is respect for experience and wisdom and trust in the good judgment and love of parents. The Islamic marriage is, therefore, half way between the free marriage as found in the West and the fully arranged marriage as often found in the East. There ought to be in it some opportunity for courtship which allows a degree of mutual testing and adjustment which makes consent meaningful. Nor is the arrangement of the marriage by parents compulsory. It would be particularly against the spirit of marriage if the motives of the parents were not the welfare of the offspring but some commercial or social advantage to themselves. It would be a mistake even if such limited advantages were considered for the sake of son or daughter. However, it may be argued that a correct and appropriate educational system develops discrimination much quicker than the accident of ordinary experience. The educated young ought, therefore, to be more capable of selecting their partners wisely than in former times. But this has not happened owing to an inadequate educational system, which, though it provides sexual instructions in a crude manner, does not provide any training for marriage. Nor is it likely to work well in countries where the educational system is still rudimentary or non-existent for the majority.

The regulation of courtship makes a big difference between an Islamic and a Western social system. It is observable that a great amount of time, effort and resources are spent in this pursuit in the West, particularly when it means the cultivation of the art of seduction, and most of it in a socially destructive direction - it militates against the strengthening of the family and the welfare and development of children. It diverts attention and effort from more serious pursuits. Couples in the West have taken to living together rather than undergoing a legal marriage ceremony probably because the Western laws regarding marriage, as in many other respects, are quite alien to human nature. Marriages are, of course, not made by pieces of legal paper or ceremonies, but by commitment to each other and the determination to shoulder all the consequences and responsibilities of the relationship. However, the ceremony and the presence of witnesses strengthen the commitment. It is not so easy to make or set it aside with every small puff of disagreement or adversity. Where commitment is missing, as it is among those who merely decide to live together, then the relationship is doomed from the start. The developmental function of marriage which is to facilitate mutual adjustment and tolerance is undermined. People drift in and out of relationships and become quite incapable of making any deep or lasting relationships. The individual becomes emotionally superficial, inwardly isolated, lonely and self-centered and often suffers from a feeling of purposelessness and hopelessness. The divorce of love from the sexual impulse is often the cause and the effect of this. It is marriage which sanctifies sexual intercourse. Without it, it becomes debauchery.

The considerations which ought to motivate the parents and the prospective partners should be whether the person conforms to the ideals, that is, if they are morally upright, intelligent, capable, industrious, kind, charitable and tolerant, are motivated enough to study and strive for the ideals and standards as set out by their religion. But religion should not mean bigotry, intolerance, dogmatism, obsessions and narrow-mindedness. Though the possession of adequate material resources to sustain a family should be a consideration, the possession of adequate psychological resources is much more important. Temperamental compatibility is also relevant but less so when there are common ideals, purposes, understanding of roles, tolerance and mutual respect. Excessive compatibility tends to produce harmful inbreeding. Complementation is probably a better criterion. If temperamental compatibility is made the main criterion then this would reduce the choice and the variation of characteristics in offsprings. This is not a genetically or socially beneficial result. In particular the Quran requires the recognition of differences of personality, and points out that dislike of a particular trait is compensated for by some other likeable trait.

“But consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.” 4:19

There is good and bad in everyone. It would be foolish to look elsewhere since there one would find a similar combination of attractive and repulsive traits. Mutual love is regarded as something which grows from sharing lives, responsibilities and pleasures, not something which is there in the beginning. Infatuation or passion should not be mistaken for Love. In the West, where love is regarded as a condition for marriage, it is usually mistaken for infatuation or lust, and the divorce rate is high. This shows that the criteria are incorrect.

Islamic marriages take place at an early age when the partners are still flexible enough to adjust to each other and in order to prevent sexual perversions and immorality. However, the modern requirement for a lengthy education before a person can establish himself to financial independence and responsibility causes delayed marriages. This is one of the main causes of sexual promiscuity and broken marriages. This can be prevented if the education is made part of the career and vice versa. To do this requires a reconstruction of the whole economic system. Contraception could be used to prevent early pregnancies. The Prophet Muhammad was not against the use of contraceptives though he thought that it was ineffective, and in his day, it was. His attitude was that whoever was meant to be born would be born any way. The use and effectiveness of contraceptives depends on world processes.  

 

9. Islam, unlike Christianity, allows divorce though this is regarded as the worst of the allowable evils. It is allowed to protect good marriage. If incompatibility or misdemeanour produces suffering or disruption in the family then divorce can take place and the partners can try again with others, and there is no need for adultery. The divorce can occur on mutual consent. In order to prevent divorce on impulse or for frivolous reasons several measures are taken:- The husband is required to pronounce his intention to divorce his wife on three separate occasions after consideration. A man may not remarry a divorced wife until after she has been married and separated from another man. The wife can obtain a divorce by going to the legal authorities. The intervention and arbitration of members from each of the family of husband and wife is required in any dispute. Divorce does not require a long, stressful and humiliating legal procedure. If the marriage has, in fact, broken down then the husband has the right merely to pronounce it. It may be supposed that this leaves the wife at the whim and mercy of the husband. This could well be so in the case of a non-believer. The Islamic law does not apply to non-believers. But the believer is guided by the following verses which make divorce, as marriage, a question of mutual consent.

“Those who forswear their wives must wait four months; then if they change their mind, lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. And if they decide upon divorce then let them remember that Allah is Hearer, Knower. Women who are divorced shall wait, keeping themselves apart three monthly courses. And it is not lawful for them that they should conceal that which Allah hath created in their wombs if they are believers in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands should do better to take them back in that case if they desire reconciliation. And they (women) have rights similar to those of men over them in equity, and men hare a degree of responsibility above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise. Divorce must be pronounced twice and then a woman must be retained in honour or released in kindness. And it is not lawful for you that ye take from women aught of that which ye have given them; except in the case when both fear that they might not be able to keep within the limits imposed by Allah. And if ye fear that they are not be able to keep the limits of Allah, in that case it is no sin for either of them if the woman ransom herself. These are the limits imposed by Allah. Transgress them not. For whoso transgresses Allah’s limits such are wrongdoers.

“And if he hath divorced her the third time, then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she hath wedded another husband. Then if he (the other husband) divorce her it is no sin for both of them that they come together again if they consider that they are able to observe the limits of Allah...Retain them not to their hurt so that ye transgress the limits. He who does that hath wronged his soul. Make not the revelations of Allah a laughing stock by your behaviour... And when ye have divorced women and they reach their term, place not difficulties in the way of their marrying their husbands if it is agreed between them in kindness.” 2: 226-231

 

There are five stages in dealing with disloyalty.

“As for those from whom ye fear rebellion (disloyalty and miss-conduct) first admonish them, then if they persist, banish them to beds apart, and if they still persist, chastise them gently. But if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. And if you fear a breach between them, then appoint an arbiter from his folk, and an arbiter from her folk. If they wish for reconciliation Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower , Aware.” 4:34-35

(a) Verbal admonition though this does not include constant nagging.

(b) Suspension of sexual relationships, but not sulking.

(c) Physical correction, but not cruelty.

(d) Just arbitration by interested parties, not strangers.

(e) Divorce is the final stage.

 

The most controversial aspect of the Islamic attitude is the right of husbands to chastise their wives (4:34).

Firstly, It is generally agreed by scholars that this is not a recommendation, but allowed on extreme provocation. It should not be so severe as to cause physical damage. It does not condone arbitrary, unprovoked and unjustified violence or unkindness. This cannot be a basis for a good marriage. The beating of wives used to be a common and accepted practice throughout the world. Here it is meant to control the practice. It is allowable for the prevention of a greater evil which might spread in the community and destroy the social fabric. Islam has a certain ideal for men, women, marriage and the family based on their objective function in the scheme of things and that requires a standard of behaviour which needs protection. Rebellion is interpreted as behaviour which seriously threatens the stability of the marriage. Islamic Law, generally, recognizes only two circumstances in which it is allowed - One is when a wife admits a strange man into the house. This is to prevent the suspicions, temptations and activities which destroy marriages. It does not apply to friends and relatives. The second is if she refuses sexual intercourse with her husband for no good reason. Islamic Law recognizes a number of situations in which sexual intercourse with the wife is forbidden. In this case the punishment is merely a token one, since it consists of light strokes with a twig. A wife’s refusal may increase the temptation to adultery. An important implication is that a man is not allowed to rape his wife. On the other hand women tend to win arguments by withdrawing sexual favours, that is, by unfair means, blackmail. A man could counteract this by equally unfair means, namely by using his superior strength. These punishments merely exist to underline the strength of the Islamic disapproval, and when this is understood, it becomes mostly redundant, since few wives will flout this convention. It is part of the marriage contract, and having agreed to marry, they are presumed to have agreed to this.

Secondly, this right does not over-ride the exhortation to kindness, compassion and forgiveness. But these cannot be allowed to condone or provide impunity for the spread of evil. This right should be seen in the context of the whole religious law. When people are not constrained by their religion then injustices are likely to occur, and this law cannot apply to them. The Islamic family is not a nuclear one as in the West. It does not only consist of husband, wife and children. It is embedded in a network of families. Both the husband and wife have concerned brothers, sisters, parents, uncles and aunts, all of whom are regarded with honour, respect and a measure of obedience. It is unlikely in such a situation that much injustice can occur. At the time in which Islam was first taught the people were relatively unorganized and uneducated. There were no industries and little employment for women. Marriage was a career for them. But they could not be dismissed for insubordination as is the case in the modern world. Nor could they be allowed to take advantage of a secure position to neglect their duties or exploit men.

Thirdly, the desire to retaliate is normal. Nature gives this right to men by making them physically stronger, while giving women the advantage of greater attractiveness to men. The balance is destroyed when men are disabled while women can still freely exercise their charms. It is probably true to say that there is more wife-beating and violence towards women in the Western, non-Muslim, world than in the Islamic countries. The reason for this seems to be that roles are not well defined and there is greater male and female frustration there, owing to the establishment of an inter-sexual relationship which is not compatible with their inherent nature. The women there are more self-centered, independent and rebellious, and though this violence is usually attributed to stresses and drunkenness, these are themselves symptoms of this situation. Apart from physical violence there is also a great amount of moral and psychological violence. It is a mistake to suppose that emotional or mental punishment which usually replaces physical ones is some how better. Since the Law tends to interfere in marriages on the side of women, men usually have little option put to desert unruly wives, and this is widespread. In contrast with Islam, Western conventions allow women to hit men but not vice versa despite claims to equality. Studies show that female violence and irresponsibility towards husbands is becoming an increasing problem in the West.

Fourthly, changes in conditions of life allow changes in the law, as long as the basic moral code is obeyed. Changes in condition have been brought about by invention of contraception, the need to limit families because of population pressure, and industrialization and organization have created careers for women which make them financially independent and divide their loyalties. Education and culture has changed sensitivities. It is argued by some people that Islamic laws were made for the conditions which prevailed at the time when they were made, and are now obsolete. But it will be shown in the next chapter that this not so. However, since kindness and forgiveness are also taught, the right to chastisement of wives could be abolished. It is hardly likely that Allah will send a man to hell because he does not beat his wife. Better marital education makes this law redundant. As Islam requires that the relationship between the spouses should be governed by mutual consent (4:24), then the exact roles in the new conditions of life should be discussed and agreed on even before marriage. If, however, these agreements flout the Islamic guidelines, they are not likely to produce beneficial results.

Since marriage is a joining of lives, what Islam objects to is arrogance within marriages and actions which do not consider the feelings and objections of the partner. Many women tend to humiliate and undermine their husbands in various ways while taking their support for granted. If marital disloyalty becomes rampant the whole society will certainly suffer. And this will be its punishment. An over emphasis on the principle of tolerance and compassion creates its own problems. In the West, for instance, the State takes care of the mother and child when fornication leads to illegitimate births. The result of this has been that there are now millions of illegitimate births and these children are deprived of the advantages and stability of family life. Thus compassion without wisdom has contradicted many times over that which compassion demands. If then the right is taken away from husbands it will probably have to be replaced with some other legal punishment. Western Law does not appear to recognize mutual duties of husbands and wives towards each other, thereby making marriages into an empty institution. On the other hand it appears to introduce a number of State interferences between them which ensures its disruption. People often prefer to live together without formal marriages in order to avoid these interventions.

Men require respect, devotion and loyalty from their wives so that they can be free to deal with the environment for their common benefits. And women require tenderness, security and protection from their husbands so that they can be free to deal with the domestic life and children. Men need to be in control of affairs to fulfill their function, and women need to be tolerant and adaptable to fulfill their function. Where these inter-dependant functions are destroyed there irresponsibility in both will necessarily occur. This has, indeed, taken place. There is a sex war going on. The pair is seen more as opposites than as complementary.  

As the life of the Prophet Muhammad is regarded as being the “Quran in action”, we can learn about the relationship between the sexes in Islam from the example of the way the Prophet treated his wives. He did not beat them and did not coerce them. Indeed, to the consternation of his companions brought up in the Arab traditions, his wives discussed and argued with him. When life, as examples to the community, became difficult for them and they showed discontent, he offered to release them with complete security. (33:28-34). They had freedom of choice.

The Islamic attitude is that men and women are not meant to compete but to cooperate, complement and complete each other. Each should respect the person of the other. Each has needs of the other and their self-fulfillment depends on the fulfillment of the other’s needs. Husband and wife should respect and be grateful for the differences between them, help each other in fulfilling their different roles, and treat each other with honour, consideration and love.

 

10. There are, however, certain inequalities between the sexes mentioned in the Quran, which must be admitted. These relate to physiological and psychological differences, and do not imply moral inequality or inequality in Justice. The principle of equality does not require that men have breasts and wombs or that woman have penises.

The female child inherits a share which is half the share of the male child. This takes account of the fact that marriage takes the women into the family of the husband where she finds a career and shares half of his wealth. But the husband has no such rights. There is an economic motive here, concerned with the distribution of wealth.

In Law the evidence of one man is equivalent to that of two women, so that if one errs the other can remind her (2:282). This seems to be based on the greater subjectivity of women and the emotional disturbance caused by menstruation, pregnancy and the menopause from which men do not suffer. Pre-menstrual tension causes irritability, insecurity, depression, anxiety, restlessness, tearfulness, mood swings, aggression, loss of self-control and irrational impulses of various kinds, and this takes place monthly. Pregnancy produces emotional changes, insecurity and dependence. After the birth of a child, women often suffer from post-natal depression and paranoid states. On the other hand infertility and miscarriages causes them much agitation. The pre-menopausal state also brings physiological and emotional disturbances. These disturbances would probably have made the human female biologically unfit for survival but for support from husbands. If women were to develop the same objectivity, then, perhaps, they could not perform their roles as mothers and wives which require such subjectivity, greater feeling and compassion. While the male, because of his function, requires and should develop greater stability, objectivity and reason and should compensate for the instability in his wife. Western Laws and, indeed, the whole of their economic and political system ignore these facts, thereby creating perilous consequences, unknown and uncontrolled problems and injustice. What, for instance, is likely to be the effect when women hold positions of power as judges, magistrates, politicians, administrators and so on. The Prophet is reported to have said:-

           ”Do not put women in positions of authority.”

It is not certain whether this applies to the conditions of life which existed in his time and place, or whether it is a universal rule. Though some women are certainly more able than some men with respect to any particular function, it is always possible to find men who can do the job better. The rule does not imply that women are less able and that they do not have some other equally important function, but that it is not in the feminine nature to have such a position. Leadership is mainly a male characteristic. Authority does not go well with the maternal or wifely function. They are either too soft or tend to over-compensate for the insecurity and stresses of responsibility by becoming domineering, inflexible and intolerant and rather dependant on some man in the background. This can be verified where ever women have obtained power as Queens, Prime Ministers, and Directors of companies and so on. The results have often been disastrous. These tendencies, however, are obscured in mixed organisations where there has been collective responsibility. Generally speaking men who have achieved much have done so because of direct or indirect support and stimulation from wives. This role appears to be better suited to women. However, we are speaking of averages and exceptions are not rare.

Women tend to be less self-controlled and more indulgent. When their power or authority increases, docility decreases, and it is not only the case that their emotional instability tends to cause turbulence, the weakening and break up of families, unless counteracted by a strong religious, cultural, legal, social or economic forces, and this has harmful effects on the development of the new generation, Their political influence also produces a more self-indulgent and less disciplined society. Though all this can be verified through observation of Western systems, it is an unpopular view which would be rejected in societies where women have achieved such dominance. The blame is usually placed on irresponsible men who abuse their power over them. This is, of course, true but not always. Even unruly delinquents resent discipline, but without justification. However, education and careers re-impose discipline and docility upon women, and this has replaced domestic discipline. Obedience to the employer rather than to the husband is the new requirement. The advantage of this is that duties are limited and well defined and occupy only a part of the day, thereby allowing greater freedom while allowing greater equality within marriage. The disadvantage is the greater indifference of the employer and that women no longer apply their own initiative, creativity and sense of responsibility to work in their own interest. This change could not have occurred in the past when there was little employment for women. A great many women must now also be employed in the Social Services to deal with the consequences of the break down of families. It may be that, in view of the unsatisfactory conditions this has created, they will also have to be employed as housewives and mothers.

It has to be pointed out that, in the interest of profit and efficiency, most functions in modern life have been mechanized, organized, standardized and reutilized, reducing the need for personal initiative, that education and training have become more important than inherent abilities, and that organized life and the educational system which serves it, demands greater passivity, devotion, conformity and docility towards authority. These are qualities which are found to a greater extent in women than in men. Women, therefore, perform better than men under modern conditions, especially when the population pressure has freed them from the reproductive imperative and they have to find another role. It is likely, therefore, that if these organizational tendencies continue, then women will increasingly assume the dominant position. Human communities will become as well ordered as those of ants and bees which are also dominated by females. This may create a more stable system, but a stagnant one. This does not seem to be compatible with Islam which requires a vigorous, volatile system consisting of self-reliant individuals tempered with self-discipline.  

From the Islamic point of view each of the human faculties, intellect, feeling and motor, should function properly in their own right without interference from the others but cooperatively, This also means that the female function should not be allowed to interfere with the male function and the male with the female.

It is not a case of what human beings consider to be fair but what is basically beneficial. These regulations are connected with the realities which exist in a particular society and with a certain view of the mutual roles of the sexes. It may be argued that social changes should allow these regulations to be changed. But it is not at all certain that they are not connected with inherent rather than circumstantial factors. In that case changes will have far reaching detrimental effects.

The relative status of men and women in Islam is not very different from that taught in Hebrewism (Genesis 3:16) and Christianity (1 Corinthians 11:3). It is only in a commercial civilisation where material values are paramount that difficulties have arisen. However, it is difficult to say, if a Prophet had lived in our present times, what his teachings would have been. There is little doubt that women are showing considerable abilities in the various professions, that they are doing socially useful work, that some are finding this work stimulating and self-fulfilling and their entry into careers has doubled the effective work force. But they have also added to the problems, demands, the frivolity, vanity, moral degeneration, domestic conflicts and tensions, and social disintegration. There seems little point in a section of the community abandoning their own useful roles in order to take up one which the other section can do as well or better. Are the sacrifices worth the advantages?

There are, however, signs that a differentiation of function along sexual lines is taking place. Each sex tends to migrate to different professions. Perhaps it is no longer the family which should be regarded as the unit but the community as a whole. That women have been abused in the past there is no doubt, but could there not have been a different way of improving their condition? In what way are women who have to obey an employer indifferent to them better off than a wife? Is drudgery in a factory better than at home where the wife works for herself? Modern conditions are no less oppressive, though women appear to be accepting these as they did their conditions in the past. The word ‘oppression’ appears to change its meaning whenever new standards arise and the old ones are compared to them. In many ways women have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. The stresses they are under have increased rather than decreased. And they have increased also for men.

 

11. There is nothing in Islam which does not permit women having an occupation or profession, earning a living or following a trade. Indeed, the Prophet himself worked for a woman who later became his wife. It seems, however, bizarre from the Islamic point of view that a wife should obey a strange man who employs her and is otherwise quite indifferent to her, rather than her husband who loves and cares for her. Obedience for commercial reasons is quite different from obedience for social or spiritual reasons. When work is seen in terms of partnership rather than employment of one person by another then the situation will be different. Most women, however, are forced into the labour market not by choice, but economic necessity. A separate career may be necessary in cases of poverty or widowhood. Or it might be that they have a natural aptitude for some career, can be an aid to their husband’s career, or have a nature which is inclined more towards a career than domestic life. They should not, however, be compelled by custom or propaganda to assume a role not compatible with their inherent nature and function. This is neither fulfilling to them nor to the social advantage. Women should not be prevented from using their talents or fulfilling their potentialities. There is no justification anywhere in the Quran for the suppression of women. Indeed, men could not be said to be fulfilling their trust, duty or charge when they do this. Nor are suppressed women good companions or socially useful. The children and the husbands themselves will suffer, as will the whole community when half its population is disabled. There seems to be no reason why women, before marriage or childbirth and after their children have grown up cannot lead a useful life.

The distinction between “working wives” and “non-working wives” cannot be made in Islam in the way it is made in the West. A housewife is certainly working, and her work is not less important than that of her husband. The fact that a husband’s work brings in needed money is incidental. It may be that this money would need to be spent to obtain the services otherwise performed by the wife. Indeed, governments spend a great amount of money, extracted by taxation, in Social Services to do the work women should have done and to counteract the malfunctions in a society where women have abandoned their function. An exclusively decorative or ornamental wife is no wife. The word “work” includes material, social and psychological efforts (3:195). Marriage is a career in this sense. The quality of the next generation depends largely on the quality of mothers, and the welfare of the present generation depends largely on the wives. Women, too, must develop their potentialities and fulfil their destinies. A true Islamic marriage is more truly and comprehensively a partnership than a Western one. Separate carriers do not constitute a partnership. And partnership does not exclude division of labour. However, there is no justification for classifying certain types of work as exclusively “women’s work” or “men’s work”. There is no virtue in the work itself, but it is judged by its environmental, social and psychological results. Work which is useful and beneficial is good whoever does it, If it can be done better and more efficiently by one person rather than another then this may have environmental or social benefits.

 

12. Islam permits polygamy on condition that the wives are treated equally. But the Quran points out that this is virtually impossible without the help of Allah. In effect, therefore, it favours monogamy, but allows it in order to solve certain social problems and limits it to four wives.

“And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice to so many then one only.” 4:3

“Ye will not be able to deal equally between your wives, however much ye wish it. But turn not altogether away from one, leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.” 4:129

Polygamy solves the question of widows and orphans after wars. They would otherwise have been left in a state of financial, social and spiritual deprivation. The excess of women and homeless children would create problems which would have transformed the whole society. This is what happened in the West after the World Wars. Mothers had to go out to work depressing the wage levels. The surplus women competed for the men who then had a freer hand. This undoubtedly contributed to the collapse of sexual morality, the increasing divorce rate, and the disintegrating social system. The children grew up insecure without family guidance. The surplus women had to earn their own living. They entered the market and had to organise to fight for their rights, thus changing the female role. It is also a fact that in most nations the female population is greater than the male. There cannot be any virtue in a system which legislates to deliberately promote frustration and prevents the possibility of self-fulfilment to a section of its population. The law establishing Monogamy does not prevent men having many mistresses and even children by them. This is done furtively and the mistress has no rights. All it does is to give them a good excuse to shirk their responsibilities towards these other women and children. It is a strange morality which frowns on responsible polygamy but tolerates and even encourages fornication, adultery, prostitution, homosexuality, pornography and perversions. Polygamy also allows the more prosperous, who are presumably also genetically the most able and fit, to take care of the women and reproduce more freely than the less able. This has evolutionary value.

However, it should be understood that polygamy should be confined to the more religiously pious and righteous, those who are not motivated by lust and can behave justly. The consent of the first wife is also necessary before a second marriage can take place. The evolutionary value would disappear if it led to friction in the home and created neurotic children. The same evolutionary results could be obtained if those with greater abilities, moral sensibilities and self-control had more children than those who were less well endowed without creating imbalance and deprivation.

Men are also allowed concubines. But as this was connected with slavery which Islam took steps to gradually abolish, this right can be regarded as obsolete.

The purpose of sex, from the Islamic point of view, is to unite, to merge lives, ultimately to recreate the unity from which things arose by differentiation. Three things can go wrong with this function. (a) It can become self-centered such that the individual uses others for personal sensual pleasures. This condition is known as lust and leads to debauchery. Fornication which consists of sexual relationships without commitment to each other is also based on this and leads to promiscuity. (b) It divides instead of unites as in the case of adultery, owing to insecurity feelings and jealousy. (c) It may be used for dominance or aggression as in the case of rape or for some other purpose such as showing off.

Were it not for these perversions, polygamy can be seen to be perfectly acceptable. What is more, the meaning of the word ‘polygamy’, had there been no human limitations to cope, could, probably, have been extended to include communal marriages, in which all the men were husbands to all the women, and all women were the wives of all the men, But, there is the same objection to this as to polyandry where a woman has several husbands. Men would not know who their children were and children would not know who their father was. However, many men, if not all, have the capacity to adopt and love children not their own, and children do accept adopted fathers when brought up by them with affection. Even so, there is usually a need to know ones source.

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The following factors need to be considered when judging or re-constructing a social system for the modern world.

1. The purpose of marriage is (a) to facilitate self fulfillment (b) to create unity and harmony (c) to facilitate human development and evolution in the partners, in the children and in society in general.

2. The present age is marked by three inter-dependent factors:- (a) population pressure (b) the need for more knowledge, ability and education. (c) better cooperation, organization and harmony.

3. The quality of people is, therefore, more important than the quantity. The quality of people depends on (a) inherent factors, (b) environmental factors which includes upbringing, the domestic situation and the nature of the economic, political and cultural conditions. Geophysical and Cosmic factors also have effects, but control over these is limited. (c) the kind of efforts people make which depends on their ideologies and value systems.

 

A social system compatible with Islam is as follows:-

1. There is a need to transfer attention and effort from purely economic to social matters, and from thence to psychological ones.

2. Both sexes need to be educated as highly as possible. This education should consist not merely of imparting knowledge and skills but also of cultivating higher values and motivation. Education should also consist of preparation for marriage and the bringing up of children. The two sexes should specialize in those subjects which accord with their different inherent natures. The function of the female is to bring up children, create a harmonious domestic environment for husband and children and to support her husband. The function of the male is to provide the means for his family and support the wife in her function. The education of women, therefore, is not merely a question learning the domestic arts such as cookery, sowing, decoration, house-keeping etc but also in teaching, medicine, nursing, hygiene, both physical and psychological, home management, skills such as those of secretaries and accountants and the psychology and sociology of children, education, personal and domestic relationships, This kind of thing tends to be left to accident or the arbitrary opinions, prejudices and suggestions contained in magazines based on no objective knowledge or values. Obviously as the children grow up the girls will be trained by their mothers and other women, and the boys by their fathers and other men.

3. Husband and wife are regarded as partners in life, and the family is the real unit. Thus systems such as Capitalism and Socialism which divide the family by offering separate employment to individuals is incompatible with the Islamic view, particularly as the function of the individual in a firm is very narrowly defined. Islam does not create a industrial or commercial society. Instead, employment should consist of contracts which could be cooperatively fulfilled. It is perfectly possibly, for instance that both husband and wife are doctors or scientists etc, and though there is a division of labour within the family, each can take up the function of the other where required.

4. Islam does not favour the erosion of sexual differences since this narrows down possibilities. Similars do not complement each other but tend to repel and produce competition. The neglect of children and husband in favour of a career does not seem good for husband, wife or children.

5. Islam does not favour the indiscriminate mixing of the sexes, except within the family circle where love and respect ought to exist. The Muslim home consists of two parts corresponding to man himself, the inner and the outer, the private and the public. The one is the domain of the wife and other that of the husband. Family life is conducted in the inner sanctum, the womb of the family as it were. The Society itself can be similarly constructed. Just as men have organized together, created suitable educational systems and machinery of all kinds to aid and facilitate their particular functions, so also is it entirely possible for women to develop their own cooperative organizations, particularly in the rearing and education of children, and the running of households. In every district or locality the women of the households can cooperate collectively. All primary education, health care and domestic matters could be left to the women. The collection and confinement of children in schools where they are taught by uninvolved strangers cannot be regarded as a good thing for several reasons. There is no personal, one to one teaching, owing to a small pupil/teacher ratio. The range of experiences is severely reduced in class rooms. There is an inculcation of facts and skills but no moral guidance. Advances in psychological knowledge require greater expertise. The education of all women should contain instructions and experience in child Psychology and the psychology of domestic relationships. Women can specialize in various aspects.

 The two networks can be knit together at the marital points. It is also possible for husband and wife, and indeed, the whole extended family, to run businesses together with a suitable division of labour or cooperatively. Since families are inter-related to form a network, then the whole economic system would also become a network. Husbands and wives do cooperate together on farms, and have often collaborated in Science, the arts and politics, Employment in the entertainment business is not approved of in Islam. People ought to make their own entertainment.

6. The home, a district and the city, too, is designed to have an inner part and an outer part. The inner part could be designed to be free of all traffic, centered around a Mosque, having gardens and parks, leisure and cultural centers, nurseries, educational and health establishments, meeting and conference halls. Residential housing could surround this area, having access to the inner city through private courtyards and gardens. A Ring road would run around this inner city on the outside of the residential area. An underground railway could link the circumference with the centre. Farms, factories, offices and shops occupy the outer parts of the city. The City may have many districts similarly constructed. That is, there is an inner common courtyard or garden, surrounded by houses, each having its own private courtyard opening into it, thus allowing social interactions and cooperation. The City could have districts or Housing Estates which may be similarly constructed. Each district has its own common nurseries, general store and other facilities.

7. All this requires the development of new ways of organizing and doing things. There will have to be experimentation and testing. Communities need to be set up to do this. If the whole system seems old-fashioned then this is irrelevant. Fashion is not a virtue. What counts is whether it is effective. When societies decline or become neurotic and perverse then the virtues which previously made them great are also considered old-fashioned.  

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