September 7, 1999

see, it hasn't been as long this time.

i had a whole card of pictures on my digital camera, but in the dark i hit the wrong button and erased them all...some incredibly beautiful ones of him...i'll just have to drag him out to shoot them over again..

things seem weird right now...like all the sudden i have to decide what to do with my life..i'm done with high school so it seems like where i work is where i work for real now..and that's a little more than scary...i'm going to quit soon if they don't do one thing...
i also have to figure out something appropriate to wear to a wedding...black just doesn't seem right...and i don't have the money to go out and buy something nice...
I want to wear the wedding dress....just for fun..I want to be the center of attention and be special for at least one day..be all made up and wonderful...be something beautiful for at least one day...maybe he'll make it come true...i never know...he's mentioned it...
but i shouldn't be thinking about that at 18..just like he shouldn't be thinking of kids at 19..or ever..never ever never...kids just seems unfair to my body and my sanity..i just want to be happy with him with nothing getting in the way like children running around screaming and whining for a small piece of attention...plus......i'm too selfish to have kids..can't he just look at things that way?