INITIATION V: MASTERY (December 1982 - January 1985): The Ninth State: Krishna Consciousness
Part I (December 1982 - June 1983)
Just before Christmas, I returned to Boston, and stayed on Commonwealth Avenue in the apartment of my brother John, who was finishing up a term at the Boston Architectural Center. I met Annie, and was dismayed by the cloud of smokey gray that had almost completely enveloped her aura-field. She still wanted us to reconcile. I had forgiven her, realizing that her affair was merely a stimulus for further growth; our marriage had been stagnating and nothing else would have pried me loose into the infinite. I loved her still, but impersonally; I felt no desire to take up my old life again. That man had died. She nodded resignedly. She was disappointed, but had been considering her options; she asked me about a man she had recently met, the owner of a bookstore in Boston. Did I feel he might be the right one for her? I channeled for her; yes, he had specific issues to work out (which the Guides enlarged upon), but was potentially a very good mate. I worked on healing her. She had a serious case of asthma, and the Guides succeeded in temporarily relieving her suffering.
I spent several days simply walking around Boston, still deep in the profound emptifulness of Divinity. Once, sitting quietly amidst a crowd of teenagers on the granite steps of Quincy Market across from Faneuil Hall, I suddenly realized I was Krishna. I said nothing, but the light laughter that quickened my whole field of perception was apparently noticeable to others; almost immediately, the group of teenagers to my left started chanting "Hari Krishna, Hari Krishna!"
More and more, I learned to trust Divinity. I was led to speak with total strangers, and had interesting and moving conversations, communing directly with their Souls. I had very little money, and my Guides told me to give twenty dollars to the old blind musician in the hallway of the Comm. Ave. subway entrance. I did, and the feeling of blessed delight was almost overwhelming. I had deep conversations with my brother John, who was wary of the power flowing out of my eyes --- he asked me once not to stare at him so intently, and with a start I realized I had been giving him shaktipat, transmission of Divine power, all unawares --- but he was reluctantly fascinated by a channeling I gave him unfolding a previous life that confirmed some inner experiences he had told to no-one.
I also went to the esoteric bookstores in Cambridge, and discovered some of the Alice Bailey material: Initiation, Human and Solar, and The Rays and the Initiations. Alice Bailey had purportedly channeled this material in the 1920's and 30's, from a Tibetan master named Djwal Khul. While at first glance I found most of it incomprehensible, still it "sang" to me and I made a note of it.
After an enjoyable Christmas with my mother and step-father in Maine, I returned to Iowa in January of 1983. I allayed Kerry's anger and fears --- no, I had not slept with Annie; no I didn't wish to stay married. I investigated divorce proceedings. It would be easiest to get a divorce in Massachusetts, and there would be a six-month wait. I wrote to Annie, sending her the money for the divorce, and asking her to file the papers. She did, and sent me several of Alice Bailey's books. I began to read them non-stop, having found therein a map of my most recent experiences and a sketch of the realms ahead.
Shortly after my Crucifixion, my Guides showed me a vision of myself dying as an old man. They told me that I was now "half-done;" that I had resolved 50% of my karma, and now I wouldn't need to reincarnate if I were to die. They recommended working on refining the enlightenment of the physical body, as progress could be made much faster in physical form than on the other side. I was told that now I had gone "up and out" as much as necessary, and it was now time to come "down and in" to Earth and into the physical body, blessing and indwelling it all from the point of view of Spirit. While part of this reiterated what Carla's guides had told me only a few months earlier, now I was ready to hear it. The Alice Bailey material confirmed that I had completed the Fourth Initiation or Crucifixion, which opened onto the Buddhic planes, and was now working on the Fifth, or Mastery, which opened onto the Atmic planes. Where the Buddhic planes seemed more concerned with Constellation levels of love-awareness, I saw the Atmic planes as Galactic levels of ecstasy or Divine Laughter, the bliss of the Spirit. More and more, I felt as if I had an inner needle pointing to this bliss; I also enjoyed a tremendous energy-burst when someone else would mention an option that happened to carry the imprimatur of their own bliss.
I often played a kind of after-dinner game with Kerry: She would tell me the name of someone from her past whom I did not know, and I would "manifest" the person for her, feeling my face assume that person's face, and my body-mind emerge from bliss to become the body-mind of the other. I /they would speak, gesture, and walk around in the other's manner, to Kerry's delight.
I also received a brilliant vision of my part in the Master Plan for the earth --- glowing centers of light blossomed in beautiful places all over the world, and we were flying from place to place, helping to start the centers, and teaching and healing people in them. Some people remained in one center continuously as permanent staff, while others --- myself included --- were more like free agents, circulating, and cross-pollinating as temporary faculty. There were twelve primary centers spaced around the planet; these were equated with the twelve gates of the celestial Jersualem and the earth's twelve chakras. For me, it was as if I were being shown that I had twelve ashrams or wonderful resort-homes. These centers each had many rooms and many healer/teachers on staff, to offer the full spectrum of healing to body, emotions, mind, and spirit.
About this time, Nancy M. won a trip to Paradise Island in the Bahamas and took Kerry with her. They returned full of excitement, refreshed and inspired by the healing waters of the Caribbean. We had been thinking about opening a Healing Center; perhaps the Bahamas would be the right spot? My Guides were most supportive, and suggested Governor's Harbor, in Eleuthera, predicting that Nancy would meet a man through the church there who would help establish the Center.
At this time, I really didn't want to have to do "normal work" for a living any more, and I didn't want to have to charge for spiritual work if someone needed it and couldn't afford it. I decided to let go of the quid-pro-quo belief-system I had grown up with, and to assume that the Universe would take care of my needs independently of specific work I did, while I would continue to follow my highest bliss in serving the Universe. This called for the release of a lot of old "programming," and I manifested God in front of me to talk this over with. I decided to presume that if God were big enough to be the Great Immensity, Brahman, then He could be big enough to care about His creation, and to assume a personal form to talk with me.
At first I tried being polite with God; this didn't work too well, so I dropped the facade and let Him have it straight from my heart. I was angry. That worked! The love deepened between us, and my God listened lovingly and patiently as I went through my arguments and cleared inner objections one after another until I hit bottom inside, and I finally knew that I deserved what I now desired: to have an independent income so that my needs were met. "Fine," said God. "You've got it! " Within the month, a small trust fund I had started receiving some months prior was suddenly increased from $100 to $400 a month, and I was a "rich" man; my needs were met.
I felt, meanwhile, that there was work to be done in Cambridge --- a number of my friends had expressed interest in this channeling and healing that we were doing. I asked Kerry to come back East with me, and we went to live in Harvard Square. Annie was now living with the man she had asked me about, and she sublet her apartment to us: a potentially awkward situation, but it worked out well. It was large, gracious, and situated right upstairs from one of my favorite esoteric bookstores --- the Sphinx and Sword of Love.
Kerry got a job at Cardullo's around the corner --- she loved gourmet foods, especially sweets --- while I went to work right downstairs in the Sphinx bookstore. I didn't really need the money, but had always wanted to work in a bookstore. I greatly enjoyed acting as "reference librarian" for the wonderful people I met that summer.
I started a healing-circle with some of my oldest friends in Cambridge, and some new ones that found their way to us. I now did most of my spiritual work for free. Annie and the others learned to do healing and channeling. Kerry attended sometimes, but was often bored. However, Kerry and I both loved crystals, gems, and semi-precious stones; we went to a New-Age expo in Boston where I was blasted by the powerful crystals; we bought large assortments of semiprecious stones and experimented happily with their healing powers.
Cambridge was rife with various spiritual cults, and I would go when they invited me to gatherings --- not as a seeker, but to familiarize myself with the signature-energies of each group, to see if, and how, they fit together in the Master-Plan. Followers of Nichiren Shoshu invited me to a devotee's apartment for a prayer session before their Gohenzon, the shrine containing the Buddhist scripture most sacred to them. We chanted a great deal, especially their famous mantra NAM MYO HO RENGE KYO, and I "saw" a very large Buddha appear before me in red robes and connect the two of us with fine threads of gold light, reminding me vaguely of the famous painting of St. Francis of Assisi receiving the stigmata from the Seraphic Christ. I was not overwhelmed with devotion, however; it felt more like a meeting almost of two equals, and I did not return.
I also attended an introductory lecture by devotees of The Mother, a Hindu avatar. I enjoyed their sweet energy, but was disappointed when during the discussion afterwards they warned me against Maharishi: The Mother had said the levitators were demonically possessed. I defended TM; I might criticise my "spouse," but no one else could!
My inner work continued. I received a profound vision of the Earth as an egg in the coils of a huge serpent; suddenly rays of light shot out of the egg from all sides and reconnected it to the stars. I wrote this down, as it moved me greatly. I would receive greater understanding of the vision in the following years.
As the Angels had taught a few years before, I now found my own body to contain vast numbers of small awarenesses, and discovered that as I worked on the little beings inside of myself, coming to them as an Avatar or Christ and enveloping them in love, at that same moment I was myself enveloped in love by my own Avatar or Krishna or Christ self --- that somehow it was like a gigantic Moebius strip or Klein bottle, where the Self healed the Self healed the Self. This was another demonstration of the Divine Law of Service --- that as one extends loving help to others, one truly opens to loving help of the Self.
