This past week, I packed up and moved out of my old apartment. Friday I unloaded my belongings into my new accomodations, and started to get settled in, only to be struck by unfortunate news this weekend.

Yes, the shuttle Columbia was destroyed and with it seven lives in their prime and full of hope were snuffed out. But there was something that same day with a much more immediate impact affecting my family: the death of my paternal grandfather.

To comment on this as a start for a new phase of my life would only be understatement. My parents remarked upon similarities with past events, as my mother lost her father just prior to the Challenger disaster; and my dad commented how his just deceased father was a pilot from World War II, and how he passed away the same day as the military pilots who crewed the space shuttle. Meanwhile, as I await the funeral here in the Midwest, I ponder about differences from past events, thinking about how in Illinois there was relatively little talk of terrorism connected with the shuttle catastrophe, while I would assume in DC the immediate news was met with a cringe of "oh no, here we go again".

Listening to the recent State of the Union address, it sounds more and more that a second Desert Storm campaign is inevitable. And as soldiers prepare for fighting, I wonder about the message of Ilon Ramon, the Israeli astronaut on board the Columbia, who had observed how peaceful the earth, and particularly the Middle-east, looked from space. Also, while he had been slipping away for awhile, and I don't know how much he knew about recent events, I wonder what my grandfather's thoughts would have been about a new war, another war, when it was his generation that had fought so hard during World War II, and tried so much in the years afterwards to make a lasting peace.

Perhaps these events are not so far off from those of my own personal life. So much is at a crossroads right now, with major choices being made that will affect the future to come. For myself, my future has taken a dramatic turn with my new living arrangements, soon to be compounded by decisions about employment and education. For my grandfather, well, his life took a final turn, departing from this stage. For our nation, America stands poised on a precipice: to go to war or not; to continue to explore space or not; to expand the benefits of liberty and prosperity to others or not.

To go to war -- this path already seems taken, against strong opposition in public opinion, and without a full debate in Congress over the costs and burdens to result. As much as Afghanistan has seemed a success, periodic headlines remind us that fighting continues in places there, and that not just impoverishing, but inhumane living conditions that caused and exacerbated the moods of hatred and discontent Al Qaeda preyed upon, continue to exist. What will it take to rebuild Iraq after a war, to establish democracy where despotism existed, to unite in freedom a population oppressed and disjointed by religion and ethnicity, and potentially to restore an environmental catastrophe, should Iraqi oil wells be set ablaze (as happened in Kuwait after Desert Storm) or chemical and biological weapons be unleashed to contaminate the region? Will pursuit of Saddam overshadow and replace pursuit of Osama, who was supposed to be the great evil that started this all?

To continue to explore space -- this would seem a natural evolution for mankind as a species, whom first stared in wonder at the stars of the night as Neanderthals in caves, and whom has steadily reached for that which would take him higher and faster ever since. To leave behind the bounds of earth has been mankind's dream from Daedaleus to John Kennedy: "We go into space because whatever mankind must undertake, free men must fully share."

But whereas in one short decade, the US went from its first manned spaceflight, to reaching out and setting foot upon a celestial neighbor, we have now stagnated in our purpose, flying spacecraft whom are entering their third decade of service. I am too young to know firsthand, but seeing displays at the Smithsonian about the US-Soviet handshake in space, I wonder just how much the journey into space might have played a role in showing the similarities, not differences, between the Cold War adversaries. Nor would I be the first to suggest that a greater appreciation of the world as seen from space -- without the artificial borders of man -- could make for greater understanding here on the ground.

Although as after Challenger, I expect that shuttle flights will eventually resume, (I certainly hope so for the sake of the crew of the International Space Station currently still in orbit!!) perhaps what is most necessary is a mission of common cause to reignite the dreaming and passion today of children everywhere, just as happened for those who watched Neil Armstrong's step signify so much more for all humanity than it ever could for a single person. We should reach to Mars and beyond to secure a second chance for mistakes which we might make here on earth.

To expand the benefits of liberty and prosperity -- perhaps more important to ending the threat of terrorism than toppling Saddam, or capturing Osama, or any other military action; is giving hope to those who follow them who currently have none. Put roads and schools into places like Afghanistan, give the local population reason to believe that after a hard day's work, they can come home to see their families fed and clothed and sheltered: this more than anything will see not just an end to this war, but an end to the beginning of all wars. But while the ends themselves may be worthy, there are many paths to get there, and we must choose the means most compatible with those ends. To encourage a system that is more than Might and more than Right, but which is one of Law, we must respect laws ourselves. To hand over interrogations to foreign intelligence services, to deny people like Esam Hamdi the right to an attorney, when the most sacred values we ourselves champion and cherish include forbiddence of cruel and unusual punishment, and guarentees of speedy and public trials by a jury of one's peers...? In the end when we look in a mirror, will we be able to say we have not become that which we fight against?

I am not sure I have said anything here worthy or appropriate as a eulogy for either my grandfather, or the Columbia crew, but I hope that there is an optimism and a compassion which they would approve of and be honored by. Anyway, I have other concerns pressing my attention: unpacking and getting settled, chief among them. I hope that you are all well.

Matt