jthm.....nuff said

--illogicalbeats

I say Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four. My reasoning is that he can stretch, so when they are fucking him in his ass he can stretch wider so he wont feel a thing (not bitter one bit!)

--JumboTrash

Orgasmo.

--D

I've always been partial to Super Chicken and his trusty side-kick Fred. Hearing their voices on the other end of the phone would shut me the fuck up...

--A

the ambiguously gay duo.

--not blake

I am not much of a buff when it comes to super heroes, so I sought out the expertise of Erik.
He states "multiple man" since he can create as many clones of himself as possible, therefore the need to only hire one and not have to deal with attrition.
He is suited for call center work also because he is a drug addict ;).

--xina

Flash Gordon....

--Rocky

Martha Stewart.

Actually I think her punishment should be to work the Earthlink Call Center for the next 25 years.

--RobertD
(Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!-Rox

make her live with me ... lol.... that will teach her

--Illogicalbeats

Martha, Martha, Martha.... I've heard a few things about her over the years that would make my blood boil to think that I was working for her.
Although thinking of her snug in the arms of some hard-core prison mama, in a very well decorated prison cell gives me a sick thrill. There are a few other punishments I can think of. Martha as a dishwasher: All of these punishments would have to do with stripping away pride and dignity, of course. But if they made Martha become a dishwasher, man, that would be a real bummer.
How about the Armed forces? Makes my skin crawl just thinking about it, but wouldn't it do Martha some good to learn a little about discipline? Have you ever seen a utility potato? It's the greatest mutation of nature's goodness.
If all else fails, force her to work in catering. That ought to make her come to her senses.

--Dan

Hey B,

Nice rant last week, by the way! Hey, I think she's fucked no matter what happens now. Bye, bye billion dollar empire. How about 20,000 hours of community service color coordinating the trash she picks up on I-5?

--A in LA

let's see... 4 years touring the fly-over states with a southern televangelist, a manager from the housewares dept of Walmart and a random obese woman that makes plastic flower arrangements for a living cause she can't leave her couch.
they would have to travel in a mid 70's model Winnebego with nice Harvest gold and russet plaid upholstery and avocado green appliances, eat only 'po white folk' food like porkrinds and frito chile pie and visit exotic destinations...maybe Graceland and The Mall of America etc.
She may take her own life. I would.

--Ctenders
oh yeah, they gotta have a bug zapper

She can wash my dishes and scrub my toilets for the next 20 years.

--waive

I think Martha should give me a tongue bath.

--Harley

Locked in a cell made to watch her shows 24 X 7. High Volume!!!

--Lone wolf

Having to watch endless re-runs of Yan Can Cook.

Late,
--the White Guy

would be bagel dogs and easy cheese. I think the deadly combo of Bubba, Vinton and processed beef would be just a good as a fine, if not better. They could even market it as a reality paper view experience. All of America could watch Martha slip into the depths of madness. Nogga nooge.

--JumboTrash

make her donate all profits to charities for the next 10 years. The biggest punishment for rich people is to make them poor.

--RobertD

I am sure that if anything is found at this point is planted. If there were WMD they were probably taken out of the country before all of this or sold to the Russians awhile ago. I think it's important globally and to the U.N., but I don't think it will really effect anything in the U.S.
if nothing is found. From reading most polls and articles in CNN and in Time, I think most Americans are happy enough with just ousting Sadam and his sons out of office.

--xina

I am sure we will " find " weapons of mass destruction
but it is of now concern there was no justifiable reason to invade.

--illogicalbeats

Hey Bahb,

No and no. Ass that has been kicked cannot be un-kicked. What I really want to know is if ol' Dubya is gonna take the fall for this one or not...could this be part of the master plan? This is better than American Idol! All Hail Emperor Cheney!

--A in Hell

Only some of Sadam's used condoms used to blow the cherry off all the 13 year old girls in his country.
Is it important that we find his WMD's? Depends. Why did we attack him in the first place? WMD's? Oil?

--Lone Wolf

The possibility of finding the weapons of mass destruction are very slim at this point in time. The started moving them probable around the time that the UN inspectors were leaving Iraq before the start of the invasion. The could be in a range of different countries or hidden deep in the desert. A surprise investigation 5 years ago could have produced them intact within the country. but to much time has passed since the time that the could have moved them. Part 2: To justify the overthrough of saddams dictator massia resiem in the eyes of other countries then the U.S. must find proof. In my opinion we have a lot of people here in the U.S. dieing and starving everyday. we need to start concentrating on our own country and let the world deal with their own fucking problems for a while. Just my opinion.

--Fazibear

The 1971 K5-Blazer California Smog Exempt new engine and many other new parts is FOR SALE ! please help find a buyer.

http://pwp.value.net/~fazibear/K5Blazerwebpage.htm

I dont think that the U.S. Brit alliance will find anything in Iraq except for sand, bombed houses, broken families, ransacked villages, and gutted palaces. You will find the tears of a people long oppressed, now free but broken. Most of all you will find the end to Daddies was, which I am sure will score him some points back at the ranch....

--JumboTrash

Ah, my favorite summer memory.....well it was a blistering hot summer in Baghad.....just ripe for a war.....

Oh wait, this week's topic is weapons of mass destruction...sorry, I'm a bit late.

Actually, nevermind then.....

--RVG

No. "IF" they had any, they are destroyed or moved. Bush covered his ass by not making that the "only" reason why we invaded. Will it make any difference????? No, we already went in. I guess it was a success (if war is even successful) because we did it quick and under budget. I just worry because this is the first time that we went ahead and attacked without the UN support and completely took or foreign policy back to a time before WWII. Even if you think the UN is worseless it serves a very important purpose in world politics. Now any country can go ahead and invade another country. All they need to say is they think that country is a threat to their national security. This is whole can of fricken worms that the Bush administration opened up that generations after us are going to have to deal with. Does it matter if we find Weapons of Mass Destruction???? No, the damage was already done in my opinion.--RobertD

(This really should be in the Ovine Files, but fuck it. I apologize for the preachiness, but I'm really fucking pissed off)

I honestly think that GWB took a risk, and with xenophobic fears running high after 9/11 that rolling the dice with Saddam was a no-brainer.

He needed a defining moment, was having no joy finding Osama, a crappy economy and had mid-term elections to worry about. When in doubt follow Dad…let’s have a war.

He had to know that most Americans still are afraid of Arabs, and wouldn’t mind kicking some desert ass. It gave us a reason to fly the flag and feel good about ourselves (Kicking ass, blowing shit up, and killing those nasty muslims), while gaining a stable foothold in the region (as the Saudi’s seem implicated in the 9/11 affair).

Does it matter? Are you fucking shitting me? You morons barely remember the fact that there used to be tall buildings at the southern end of Manhattan. The only thing that matters to us is that we got to eat our dessert, we had a month of solid reality TV, and our SUVs can gas up for less than $2.00 a gallon.

We started a fucking war as aggressors with the intent to set up a puppet state. Does anyone remember Allende or Batista? Fuck, does anyone even remember the fucking Shah?

If it was anyone else, we would have called ourselves the next Hitler, and sent Hussein troops. I mean we DID when he was fighting Iran for Christ's sake.

You’re too chicken shit to admit it, so I will. We Were Wrong Morally! We fucked up our foreign policy for the next Century. We violated EVERY principle that we have defended in the last 200 years. And we fucking waved the God-damned flag through every fucking minute of it.

For those of you that think he was right and we were liberating an oppressed people, check that attitude the next time you walk pass a homeless person, the next time you bitch about social spending, then next time you bitch about the liberal media, the next time you bitch about the squalid public school system. Check that attitude because you’re a fucking weak-willed impotent fuck that needs a reason to feel proud because you NEED Viagra, and to compensate for your lack of sexual prowess by driving a mini-van (posing as a Jeep) with a fucking pissing Calvin on it. Remember the bigger the truck the smaller the dick. Walk the talk, cowards.

How much safer are you today than on 1 March?

How much more stable is the World we are giving to our children?

No wonder we’re #1, you’re so easy to use.

Patriots fight for what is right, not for what is easy or popular.

But I have faith you'll re-elect him in '04 if you can drag your ass to the polls

--Rox

The summer I left my first husband. I went back to college, serial dated, and experienced freedom that I forgot existed.

--Ophelia Resurrected

So many good summer memories that it's just too hard to pick one. Up there has got to be hanging every Monday night with Cleave Jones at the old Abernathy's in the the Creek back in the day right after turning 21 with Bahb, Danno and Anthony. It was a weekly ritual that got us in a lot of trouble but we also had a blast every time! Long Live Cleave.

--RobbaD

Easy,

Summer of 1985. 4 weeks in Veracruz, Mexico. My parents sent me down to my aunt's to play "camp" for a month at her beach house . I was 16. She had a maid. She was 17. Her name was Teresa. She smoked cigarettes and drank Don Pedro brandy. We were just kids and I was too fucking horny. I sucked at it the first couple of times, but I got better. I think I was in love. Why do we have to fucking grow up?

--A in LA

Rocky horror.......
i spent a summer many years ago " about 6" going to and goofing off in the rocky horror picture show........ before this summer i was not sure if i had what i took to be bold and forward with how i felt ..... i had allways been loud and crazy but never sure of my self..... this summer was a baptism of fire showing me that no matter what i did i could succeed if i just throw my self in all the way and dont be scared of what people think.

--illogicalbeats

Being in love.

--Lone Wolf

for years my close friends and I have refered to the summer of 93 as our 'summer of love'
It wasn't like we all paired off or anything but we ran around naked everywhere,like hippies.We had naked movie nights, naked swim parties at the yuba and we went naked camping at Big Basin. The cool thing was,nome of these places were designated nudist places.We just chanced getting caught.
That summer was the greatest bonding experience I've ever had.(not physical) Most of the people involved are still my friend.It's amusing to be able to say you've seen all your friends naked.

--ctenders