*****

I felt something.

It tickled up my spine like a chill wind. When I looked up from the game I find
I'm being held prisoner by a gaze. " What?"

He didn't say a word, he just continued to watch me. His head was tilted
slightly to the side.

I know that look.

He's got something serious on his mind, but he doesn't want to say it here where
everyone else can hear. Even though we're alone in the room we both know that
these walls have ears.

I wait until half-time then stand, and stretch, and make my way to the back
porch to have a smoke. I expected him to follow, but he didn't, and he wasn't in
the room when I returned to watch the second half of the game. I found my
interest in it all but gone. The announcers were going crazy, screaming about a
play that would probably go down in history. I blink, and realize that I've been
staring at the set, but I have no clue what they're talking about.

I only saw Remy.

His head tilted, some unspoken thought or question floating around in his mind.

I wandered the halls of the mansion looking for him. Checking everywhere I could
think; the bedroom, the roof, the garage... he was no where to be found.

Dinner was served, but there were two empty places.

Where is he?

What was in that gaze that has me tied up in knots inside.

Finally it hits me. I know where to look. I take off into the woods. I follow
the path that leads to the far side of the estate. There's an old caretaker's
shack back there. I don't know what it is about the place, but he likes to go
there to think.

It's dark out by the time I reach it, but I see the flicker of a kerosene lamp,
and I breathe a sigh of relief.

He's there.

We can talk about whatever's bothering him.

He hasn't left me.

That's the one that makes me queasy. I can't be all sweetness and light. It's
not me. He has no idea how much he means to me. Yes, He knows I love him. It's
easy to say the words now though it took time. I'm no good at express my
feelings.

How do you put into words the feel of butterfly wings in your gut when you hear
a familiar step?

How do you explain that lighter than air feeling when you see the eyes that can
look past the bullshit, and lies, and mistakes of the past, and see the true
heart?

What is it about that smile that he saves just for me that steals my breath
away?

What is the word for these things?

It's bigger than Love.

More.

Deeper.

I enter the shack, and search until I meet his eyes, and I know instantly that
he's been asking himself the very same things.

He stands and walks to me. His eyes are pouring out words that don't make a
sound.

That's what it's called!

That's what I've been trying all this time to say to him.

I have to clear my throat before I can whisper to him, " Right back at ya kid."

He gives me that smile, and walks into my open arms, and sighs. His head is on
my shoulder, his hair tickles my nose.

I close my eyes.

Yeah, this is what I've been trying to say.

END