Logan sat in the shadows of a pine, watching the figure on the roof,
the only witness to the boy's nightly vigil. Every night the boy
would make his way up to the roof of the mansion to sit and stare at
the stars and every night Logan would follow him outdoors and take up
his spot on the ground below to once again watch the routine.

Remy had his explanations for the rare occasion when someone cared
enough to question why he would want to sit outside in the cold, away
from everyone else night after night. He was just going to have a
cigarette, he wanted to look at the stars, he was bored…but he rarely
had to use them. No one took much notice of him any more and it
seemed no one noticed how withdrawn he had become. No one but Logan,
that was, but Logan made sure to keep his interest to himself; he
knew if he pressed Remy, the boy would just hide behind the mask of
good humor again and then Logan would never find out what was
changing the boy so profoundly.

Watching Remy up close, it was hard to put a finger on the change in
the boy; he was adept at hiding in plain sight and would invariably
pretend that he was his normal sunny self if anyone bothered with
taking notice of him, but for Logan, watching from a distance, it was
painfully obvious that Remy was anything BUT happy.

Logan's ears pricked up as the sound of soft sobs reached them; the
boy was crying again. It was happening more and more often as the
boy became more and more withdrawn. Straining to make out the
details of the shivering form on the roof, Logan snarled as he
noticed that Remy was toying with his boot knife again…he knew what
that meant, but he was helpless to stop it.

-------

Sighing softly, Remy tossed his boot knife from hand to hand, tears
falling down his cheeks in steady streams. Trying to remember the
last time he'd been happy…the last time he'd felt anything but pain
and feeling his heart clench as he realized he couldn't remember, he
slid his trench coat off and bared pale forearms to the silver
moonlight.

"God, give me de strength…", he whispered to the night before
bringing the wickedly sharp blade down on one slender wrist,
whimpering softly at the sharp ache as he drew it across the tender
flesh. Hard enough to bleed heavily, but not hard enough that he
couldn't stop it if he chose to. He wasn't trying to kill himself,
he was too afraid of an afterlife even worse than this one to do
that, he was just trying to find some release, something to make him
feel…to get his mind off of the pain INSIDE.

Turning his wrist reflectively in the moonlight, Remy smiled
softly. `Guess dere's some life left in dis ol' fool after all…',he
thought to himself as he watched the dark red blood spill from the
gaping gash to join the puddle forming on the shingles. Flexing his
fingers one last time, he sighed and set about fishing out a strip of
fabric from his pocket and tying it around the wound, head swimming
from the loss of blood. Watching the blossom of blood quickly
staining the make-shift bandage, Remy sighed again before getting
unsteadily to his feet and attempting to navigate his way back inside.

-------

Watching the boy stumble to his feet, Logan growled softly to
himself. He could smell the blood from here. It smelled like a God
damn slaughterhouse for Christ sake! The boy had toyed with cutting
himself before, but never this badly and Logan wasn't entirely sure
the kid hadn't gone too far this time.

Watching the weaving figure negotiate his way back inside through the
window he always left open, Logan sighed and abandoned his hiding
place to head back to the mansion himself. He didn't know why or
when the boy had stolen his heart, but it had happened and there was
no fighting it. He couldn't let the boy he loved so completely
suffer like this, he'd never be able to forgive himself if he didn't
do something to ease the boy's pain as Remy had done so many times
for him.

Many a time, Remy had willingly taken Logan's pain on himself without
being asked, using his empathy to make the older man's pain his own.
He'd never once complained and had stoically accepted the pain,
physical and mental, so that the other man could sleep peacefully.
Every time, Logan had vowed to thank the boy for being so selfless
and kind, but every time when he had woken from his dreamless sleep,
the boy had been gone and had never mentioned the incident again.
Logan knew just how hard it was on the boy and swore to himself that
he would do the same for him if he ever found a way, and that
conviction had grown along with his love for the thief.

Walking back to his room, Logan paused outside the door to Remy's
room to gauge the situation inside. The smell of blood and tears was
still strong, but to judge by the sound of the deep, even breathing,
the boy was asleep, and for that Logan was thankful. Praying that
this time Remy would sleep through the night without waking up
screaming from the nightmares he was notorious for, Logan continued
down the hall to his own room, resolved to help the boy in any way he
could.

-------

The next night, Logan once again watched Remy escape to the roof,
with some difficulty as he was favoring his injured wrist, but rather
than taking up his usual spot on the lawn below, he gave the boy
several minutes head-start before joining him on the roof, clutching
an unlit cigar as evidence of his own reason for being there.

Remy jumped slightly when he heard the footsteps behind him, but
recovered quickly, snatching the sleeve of his sweater down over his
bandaged wrist and quickly lighting the cigarette he'd stashed behind
his ear before shoving his hands in the pockets of his trench coat.
He wasn't about to let his unease show and flashed Logan a bright
smile as he plunked down on the roof next to him, unlit cigar clamped
between his teeth.

"Can I get a light there, Gumbo?" Logan asked, gruff voice sounding
overly loud in the quiet of the night.

Rather than puling out his lighter and having to take his hands out
of his pockets, Remy leaned over to allow Logan to light his cigar
from the half-smoked cigarette dangling from his mouth. Taking the
hint that the boy felt threatened with him so close, Logan lit his
cigar and scooted slightly further away.

Logan knew he couldn't bring up the issue of Remy's nightly routine,
or his injured wrist, directly, but he was up there now and wasn't
about to back down now that he'd found the courage. It was just a
matter of making the boy slip up and give him a chance to "notice"
the bandage around his wrist.

"So what're you doin' up here this time of the night, Cajun?" Logan
asked after several minutes of quiet contemplation.

"Jus' bored and wanted a smoke, dat's all," Remy mumbled around the
cigarette in his mouth, trying to avoid Logan's gaze.

"Bored, huh? Ya up for a game of poker then? I know ya got some
cards somewhere in that coat of yours," Logan asked, trying to sound
unconcerned.

Brightening up a little at the friendly offer, Remy dug into a pocket
and pulled out a pack, tossing them to Logan in way of an answer. He
was starting to feel a little less threatened now; after all, he'd
played poker and smoked with Logan a million times before, this time
was no different than any of those, now was it? …Yes, it was. He
could feel Logan's concern under the show of indifference and it
worried him; he wasn't up to dealing with this right now, and
especially not with Logan.

Putting aside his nervousness and telling himself to have some fun
for a change, he grinned at Logan and scooted around so that he was
facing the older man. Logan was already dealing the cards and didn't
seem to be paying Remy any more attention than usual, much to the
boy's relief.

Several games of poker later and a hundred dollars lighter, Logan had
yet to see Remy slip up. The kid was on his guard in spite of his
relaxed appearance, but it had been steadily wearing down in the last
hour or so and Logan had a feeling he was going to get his chance
very soon.

"That's it, I'm out. You've got enough of my money for tonight,
Gumbo. If I didn't know you better, I'd swear you were cheating!" he
said with a laugh, tossing down his cards and leaning back on his
elbows.

"Who? Moi? Never!" Remy laughed and bent forward to scoop up the
remaining portion of the pot and letting his sleeves ride up enough
to show the bandage on his wrist in the process.

`Bingo,' Logan thought, `I knew you'd screw up sooner or later.'

"What happened to your wrist, Cajun?" he asked, seemingly amused by
the idea of Remy doing something stupid and getting himself hurt.

"Huh? Oh…not'in'…jus' hurt myself in de Danger Room, dat's all…",
Remy mumbled, breaking Logan's gaze and busying himself with stuffing
his winnings in his pocket.

"You know I can smell when you're lyin' to me, Gumbo. Spill it." He
hoped desperately he wouldn't' scare Remy off by being so direct with
him, but sometimes it was the only way to get the kid to talk. He'd
make up for scaring him later, but right now he needed to get the boy
to talk to him.

"Oui, je sais…", Remy said. Logan could tell he was weighing his
options and he could also see that the need to keep quiet was losing
out to the need for comfort. Logan could see the tears starting in
his eyes and had to fight to keep the show of unconcern up. "Jus'
t'ings've been so bad lately and I just need to feel something other
dan de hurting…"

Tears running down his cheeks, Remy wrapped his arms around himself
and sobbed. He was tired of pretending that things were fine and
that no one could hurt him; things weren't okay and he was so tired
of the people he once thought of as his friends treating him like the
enemy. He'd reached the breaking point and he didn't know what to do
anymore. Sobbing quietly to himself, it took him a minute to realize
that Logan had moved around behind him and gathered him up into his
arms.

"Pourqoui?", he asked softly, pressing himself tightly into Logan's
embrace in spite of his fear that Logan wouldn't stand for it. If
Logan had hugged him, it had to be okay to respond, didn't it? Even
if Logan did gut him over it, it would be worth it…at least the pain
would be over with if he did.

"Because you're hurting…because I want to make things better…because
you deserve to be loved…because I care, Rem," Logan replied softly,
holding the trembling boy tightly against his chest as he sobbed.

"Don' deserve it…", Remy mumbled, burying his face in Logan's neck,
sighing softly and trying to get his tears under control.

"No, that's where you're wrong, kiddo. You deserve so much more than
this," Logan replied, stroking Remy's hair, rocking him back and
forth.

"Je ne le crois pas (I don't believe it)," Remy whispered back.
Wishing he could believe it, but unable to comprehend that someone
would actually care about him enough to take care of him like this.

"Believe it," Logan replied, hugging the boy tightly to him.

-------

"Breathe in…and out…slowly…", Logan said softly, sitting
behind Remy. "Relax, Rem. You've got to relax for this to work."

"Tryin', cher, but it's hard…", Remy replied, sitting cross-
legged on the ground in the lightly wooded area outside the
boathouse, attempting to meditate.

"Yeah, I know, but you've got to put everything else outta
your mind. Here, use your empathy, you just feel what I feel, okay?"

"'Kay," Remy replied, clearing his mind and searching out
Logan's. As soon as he made the link with Logan's mind, Remy knew
the older man had been right. Logan was so calm and relaxed that it
was impossible to resist following his lead. Sighing softly, tight
muscles relaxing, Remy let himself be calmed by Logan's tranquility.

Chuckling softly to himself as he saw the boy relax, Logan
was amazed at the difference the forced calm had made in the boy.
Normally Remy looked like he was either so tense that there was no
give in his muscles or he was so hyper that he couldn't sit still.
It was a rare sight to see the boy sitting quietly, shoulders
slightly slumped, so relaxed he was almost asleep.

"Alright, now you just do what I do, alright?" Logan asked,
giving the boy's short ponytail a quick tug to be sure he was paying
attention.

"Mmm-hmm…", Remy replied drowsily.

"Good, now breathe with me. In…and out…slowly. Clear your
mind."

Remy was surprised when it came easily this time. Normally
he was either too wound up or too tormented by his inner demons to be
able to meditate, but this was wonderful. It was the first time in
ages he had been able to clear his mind of all the troubling thoughts
he'd been having, and it was because Logan had let him use his
empathy on him to share his calm.

Normally, Remy only used his empathy on friends when they
were hurting. He couldn't stand to see the people he loved in pain
and so would unthinkingly create a link with their mind, taking their
pain on himself, in spite of the fact that it hurt like hell and made
him sick. It was the best thing he could do for someone he cared
about when they were hurting and he wouldn't dream of letting them
suffer. But when it came to positive emotions, he wouldn't dream of
leeching off of them without permission. Granted, he always picked
up some of their emotions whether he intended to or not, since his
shields weren't impervious, but he wouldn't purposely open his mind
to them without permission. It would be an invasion of privacy and
Remy knew how important it was to have privacy inside your own mind.

But this…this was wonderful. He hadn't been this calm in
years, and he certainly hadn't felt even a shred of calm since he'd
returned from…that place. He still couldn't bring himself to think
about that frozen hell or what he'd gone through there. Shivering in
remembrance, he tried to push the errant thought from his mind.

"Rem, what did I say about clearing your mind? Come on now,
calm down and feel." Logan's voice in his ear made Remy jump, he'd
been so caught up that he'd forgotten about where he was. Pushing
aside the negative thoughts, he refocused on Logan's calm and allowed
himself to relax again.

If only he could do this more often. Not for the first time,
he found himself wishing he had someone like himself who could take
his pain away…just for a little while, he just needed a little while
to get his head on straight.

-------

"Logan?", Remy asked, lying on his back on the roof looking
at the twinkling stars. For once he really was out on the roof to
watch the stars and was actually enjoying himself for perhaps the
first time in months.

"Hmm?"

"Why d' you let me use my empathy on you?" He had to know.
It was too much to hope for that Logan really cared about him. Most
likely it was just because Logan felt like he owed it to him for all
the times he had eased the other man's suffering.

"Because I love ya, Gumbo, that's why," Logan answered,
holding his breath as he waited for Remy's reaction. He wasn't sure
how well the boy would take it, especially with it being out of the
blue like that. Remy was exceptionally affectionate and loved to be
loved, but Logan wasn't sure if he would react well to hearing it
from…well, from him.

Remy sat up with a look of such stunned disbelief that Logan
had to laugh. If it weren't for the fact that Logan knew Remy would
probably take it the wrong way, he would have been laughing so hard
it hurt, but as it was, he calmed himself and focused on projecting
his sincerity, knowing that Remy would feel it.

"Quoi?!" Remy asked as soon as he could find his voice.
There was no way that Logan was telling the truth, he had to be
messing with him…but Logan FELT like he was telling the truth, and
Remy had no reason to distrust his empathy.

"I said it's because I love ya, kiddo…ya ain't deaf, I know
ya heard me," Logan half chided.

"But I…you…"

Chuckling, Logan waved a hand in front of Remy's eyes. "Ya
in there, Gumbo?"

"You…I…"

"I think ya already said that, Rem," Logan said with a
smile. The boy wasn't angry, just shocked, and that was a good sign.

"Je t'aime, aussi," Remy finally whispered moments later once
his addled brain had processed what had just happened.

TBC