The following were sent to me by a good friend, Father Steve Kelly - an Anglican Priest who is more "Catholic" than some Catholics I know! May God bless him in all that he does for his flock.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20. and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
Who gossips to you will gossip of you.
When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" it's always a negative one.
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
The trouble with work is - it's so daily.
The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people are crazy. Check 3 friends, if they are okay, you're it.
Pain and suffering is inevitable but misery is optional.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it's stopped snowing.
If you like President Clinton, you may not like this next joke. But, then again, if you don't like Clinton, you probably didn't get this far into my web site! This was sent to an e-mail list I'm on - sent by Mario. Thanks Mario!
Some day, a long time from now, President Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches the Pearly Gates of Heaven. "And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter."It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh. . . Mr. President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it dope-smoking because I didn't inhale. There were extra-marital relationships, but you can't call it adultery because I didn't have full sexual relations. And I made some statements that were misleading but legally accurate, but you can't call it bearing false witness because, as far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of perjury."
With that, St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly, and declares, "OK, here's the deal. We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call it "Hell'.You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity'. And when you enter, you don't have to 'abandon all hope, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over."
This came from another guy on the apologetics e-mail list I'm on.
I am not making this up!The following four statements are synthesized from various arguments made by many different Protestants during actual apologetic conversations with me. Can you spot the paradox in each statement? Play along at home! It's easy and fun!
1) The Body of Christ is undivided under the appearance of 25,000 denominations.
2) One can prove that salvation is by faith alone and that works have no place in our salvation by quoting from the Book of Acts.
3)a. If Jesus is God, then the Father could not have existed before Jesus.
b. Mary can't be the Mother of God because that means she had to exist before He did.
4) a. Although Jesus always spoke in private to the Apostles, every charism and authority He gave to them must be applied to all believers.
b. When Jesus publicly proclaimed "Behold your mother!", He was only making a private arrangement with John.
I got this from Paul, a very close friend in our hometown. It's a very thought-provoking little tale. Since I have a little five-year old boy, it hit home.
A man came home from work late, and as usual, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door."Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
"Yeah, sure. What is it?" replied the man.
"Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"
"That's none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just wanted to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.
"I am paid $20 an hour," responded the man, resentfully.
Looking up, the little boy said, "Daddy, may I borrow $9 please?"
The father was furious. "The only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a toy or some other nonsense. You march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games."
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and got even madder about the little boy's questioning. After a time, the man calmed down. He started to think he might have been a little hard on his son.
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $9. After all, he didn't ask for money very often. The man went to his son's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" he asked.
"No Daddy. I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "I'm sorry I was so angry. What do you need that $9 for?"
The little boy sat up, beaming. He reached under his pillow, he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his Dad.
"Why did you want $9 if you already have money?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but if you lend me $9, I will have enough to buy an hour of your time tonight," the little boy replied.
Share this story with someone you like, but even better, share $20 worth of time with someone you love.