RETURN OF THE REPOTOYS

 

(Rebooted and Renamed by their own request!)

 

Or The Goullawk Queen Strikes Back using the Wuwei Strategy of Non-Action!

 

 

Monday Morning at Star Grope Command

 

Genial OsNarl has just entered his office. He is smiling. He is being pleasant to the clerical staff. He is cheerily ingesting some fancy of fancy yuppie coffee blend. He is promptly attending to his paperwork and HE DIDN’T EVEN GO FISHING THAT WEEKEND!

 

Okay something is definitely wrong?

 

 

Monday Morning at Pontifical Studios. Well Mid-morning.

 

Amazingly Graceful has slipped into a lovely little lowcut floral sundress and is serving morning tea and cookies outside her trailer. She is smiling happily and saying.

“No I have no problems whatsoever with anything in this week’s script. It’s just sooo wonderful, especially the way that weird alien drug makes me want to have significant relationships with Spaniel, OsNarl, Tallawk, Police Petey and Fifth Repotoy, all in one episode! SciFi means we can do anything and make it believeable! Heeheehee! And after lunch I’ll pose for more photos for Crysafur wearing an American flag despite me being a Canadian citizen just to please all those lovely fan boys! Would anyone like a massage?”

 

Crysafur and the Young Prince’s complexions blanch in unison. The Junior and Senior Pros’ suddenly dislocated jaws are drooping forwards the ground. The Silver Fox narrowed those sexy dark eyes thoughtfully at Amazing and he asked her,

 

 “Amazing what were you doing this weekend?”

 

Amazing replied with manic girly cheerfulness.

 

“Let’s see I obedience trained the dog to detect and lick stalkers to death then I finished ALL the renovations on our house then I went shopping then I had long friendly conversations with various people over coffee and then I made cookies and that was Saturday morning and then I …”

 

Why is Amazing Graceful in Stepford Wives mode? Is it infectious? And most importantly when did this start?

 

 

Back Over at Star Grope Command.

 

Genial OsNarl is beaming at his staff as he jauntily proceeds through the corridors wearing full dress uniform yet looking oddly comfortable, and stopping now and then, to shake hands, and sip from his cup of fancy coffee concoction, and have friendly seeming meaningful snippets of conversations. Many of the staff are fleeing in terror at this unnatural sight. After all this is a military base not a political campaign trail!

 

Spaniel and Tallawk while holding cups of very plain black coffee are studying this behaviour with interest and amusement. Spaniel comments as he watches Jackass hand out autographs, “Tallawk do you think we have a possible foothold situation?”

“Indeed the Genial’s behaviour is odd this morning!” boomed Tallawk in response,

“however it is often odd and quirky and original and unstable cannonish!”

 

“Tallawk” snapped Spaniel, “this morning he banned all pets from the base yet asked the cafeteria if they had a recipe for Chai Latte! A spiced hot milk and tea drink? OsNarl voluntarily ingest something that has a calming effect? And he loves dogs!”

 

“I believe the ban only applied to the Temporal Pests! They who should not be named or acknowledged lest they appear! The Queenish One, the Canid One, and my former intimate!”

 

“Tallawk it’s a Monday Morning and Jackass is smiling and he’s not telling whopping great lies about his fishing prowess on the weekend sooo unless he got laid …”

 

Just then Spam Reactor skips past, smiling winsomely, and wearing her full uniform retailored to be closely cut and caressing with a very tight and short skirt which probably violates some regulation. One of those many regulations that gets ignored for narrative convenience.

 

“Hey guys! See my ring (Nudge wink) Police Petey and I had a wonderful weekend away heeeheee. I must go and show my new ring to OsNarl.”

 

Reactor skips over to OsNarl. Tallawk and Spaniel watch curiously.

 

“Tallawk do you see that? He hugged her. He’s smiling. He’s still smiling. He’s not looking tense. She turned her back on him and walked away and his eyes aren’t narrowing. He’s still smiling! What do we do?”

 

“Check with the medical staff and learn if they changed his medication? If not start foothold procedures!” boomed Tallawk.

 

“Or get both of them drug tested?” muttered Spaniel.

 

 

Meanwhile back in Pontifical Studios.

 

Sometime about half way through season eight.

 

 

More and more people are smiling. Just after they’ve spent some time in Amazing’s trailer. The Silver Canid is smiling. Most of the Producers are smiling expect Daimonic who was busy working on excuses to squeeze references to certain other shows into a script and as usual hadn’t noticed what was going on. No one is complaining about scripts or asking to be a director or begging for more money for SFX. Though some of the dogs are giving their humans strange intense looks.

 

The Senior Producers are watching this behaviour and frowning to each other.

 

“Could this be what Sassy was going to warn us about?” asked one.

 

“A Plague of happiness is a problem?” answered the other.

 

“They’re actors on an Scifi show! Where’s the neurotic anguish about contracts and stereotyping and future careers? The belief they all should be producers or directors or A-list Hollywood Stars ? The cranky early morning whining? The demands for script changes? It’s Unnatural I tell you! UNNATURAL!” He paused for breath, “and it’s making the Wraif wilt – they need their anxiety fix! We can’t feed them on chocolate alone!”

 

“Actually” replied the other, “I’m more worried about the way Sassy and Goldie have parked themselves outside Amazing’s trailer and appear to be snickering and gloating and rolling on the ground writhing in laughter every time someone goes in and out again.”

 

“Like they know something we don’t?” stated the other gloomily.

 

Scribal Note: Okay readers who hasn’t figured it out yet? Anyone?

 

Just then a scream burst the balloon of tranqullity.

 

“Aaargh I’m melting!” Crysafur and the Young Prince had been playing with their water guns and accidentally sprayed the Silver Canid who was dissolving … into tiny little metal parts expect for his head which kept talking and smiling yet screaming.

 

The little metal parts were ominously familiar like … like Repotoys?

 

The Senior Producers confiscated the water guns from Crysafur and the Young Prince who were supposed to be atweight training to keep their arms in peak condition for all those sleeveless black t-shirt shots and then shoulder to shoulder marched toward Amazing’s trailer. Who knew what evil lurked within? Actually I do but I’m the scribe so the rest of you will just have to wait for this tale to unfold!

 

(Silly immature mocking noises sfx deleted)

 

 

In unison they hammered manfully on the door of the trailer.

 

Unfortunately someone forgot to lock the door probably because they were busy inside grappling and interfacing and sharing er mmm memories with a certain brunette male  er no it’s not a carpenter, it’s a certain boyishly  charming Repotoy.

 

A large light bulb suddenly appears over the producers’ head.

Amazing You’re a Repotoy! Aren’t you! Are you? When did this happen? Where’s the real Amazing? Who else have you replicated!

 

Repo Amazing henceforth to be known as Atwain smiled winsomely at them and did her best “I’m really a modest sweet shy thing” face. Brunette Repotoy Boy jstusat there smiling ironically.

 

The producers waved the confiscated water guns and spurted suggestively at them.

 

“Wow are those just big phallic symbols or are you pleased to see us?” asked ATwain, winsomely, girlishly, and flirtaciously.

 

“What’s going on?” demanded the Senior Pros, glaring at them.

 

“Well Amazing Graceful needed to go on holidays early so she and her hubbie could relax before working on a special project so I’m filling in for her until the project is complete!” replied Atwain perkily and prettily!

 

“What special project?” snarled the Senior Pros, “and why is the Silver Canid also a replicator.

 

“Boys I cant tell you about the special project yet but I do know the Silver Canid knows about it so why don’t you ask his head and oooh you might want to put his head in a glass jar – that will stop the melt down.

 

(Note to readers we would like to thank a certain actress for the joke she made about a certain colleague phoning in his lines as a head in a glass jar – the image was both comic and smiling! So don’t blame me for that one!)

 

Some time later in the Senior Pro’s office.

 

“So where is the REAL Silver Canid !” the growled at a head in a glass jar under a spotlight.

 

“Hey hey hey!” commanded the Repotoy artfully twitching one eyebrow,”who’s a daddy?”

 

“Was that a clue?” asked one senior pro.

 

“Aaand who wanted more quality time with his offspring?” replied the Repotoy.

 

The other Senior Pro snapped “So he’s down in L.A.!”

 

“Yes! Give the man a kewpie doll! He’s a winner! The Silver Canid worked out what and who ATwain was weeks ago and then asked her to replicate him too! We phone each other every night to work thru his lines and hhe coaches me in ad-libbing!”

 

One Senior Producer mutters quietly cursing something. A other snaps.

 

“Sooo that’s what’s been going on. Let me guess did this happen just after Lockdown?”

 

“Maybe.” Replied the repotoy winking coyly.

 

The two senior producers conferred with each other.

 

“hey everyone’s happy we can make this a win-win situation. We still have the Young Prince and Crysafur!”

 

And so there seems to be a happy ending until some months later!

 

Amazingly Graceful returns from vacation looking radiant and fit and slightly heavier and smiling.

 

“Hello boys sorry about the little trick with ATwain but I really needed the time off!

My project was a success and I have a big announcment to make! I’m pregnant!”

 

Everyone is congratulating Amazing except the Pros who are grumbling to themselves.

 

“What about Season Nine! What if the head in the jar melts and we have to stop cut ‘n ‘ pasting it in post-production onto Dan Shea’s body!”

 

(That would explain a lot about Season Eight wouldn’t it?)

 

“what about our plans for Season Nine! We’ll have to rewrite all the plot lines we had planned! Oh well we still have the Repotoys!”

 

“well you’ll have the head in a jar!” interrupts ATwain but fifthboy and I have a special project too elsewhere to complete! Bye bye!” They exit .

 

A evil thought occurs to a producer.

 

“just wait until they see the new recut version of Gemini!”

 

Meanwhile back over at Star Grope Command in a certain General’s office.

 

Someone is actually doing his paperwork. Sitting in a corner of the office someone who may or may not be Spam is quietly knitting baby clothes. Spaniel and Tallawk are staring at both of them particularly at the way Spam seems to be putting on weight. Spam ignores them and reaches for a chocolate chip cookie. She passes it to the Genial and takes one for herself.

 

“Genial we need a new fourth team member!” demands Spaniel, “Tallawk and I just cant take the full hunkiness load ourselves! I havnt got a single free day in my calendar for months and Ishehot is making “demands” on Tallawk for an exclusive bonding ceremony.”

 

“No problemo!” smiles the Genial. Auditions are open.

 

Find out what happens next in our sequel "Gone to the Dogs"

 

Enjoy!