You know you're from Cheektowaga if:

Your favorite restaurant ...
has its windows covered in neon beer signs
has Quick Draw monitors scattered all around the dining area
has a bar in the front, with the dining area in the back
has no waitresses younger than 50
has a non-smoking section consisting of one table
is in an old house, and has an apartment upstairs
has its name in light colored shingles on the roof
is host to bands with names like "Joey Delvecchio and his Orchestra" or
"The Polka Puretones"
has a menu that looks like it hasn't changed since 1958
is regularly cited for health code violations - which must mean the food is
really good

You have rosary beads hanging from your rear view mirror ... and a big
Infant of Jesus statue in the back.

You live on a street that ...
is named after something French
has a girl's name
has a name with religious overtones ("Rosary Drive," "St. Jude Court,"
etc.)
has a name that is impossible to pronounce by most people outside the
town

You have a name that is impossible to pronounce by most people outside the
town.

You drive a pre-cab forward era Chrysler product (Aries, Reliant, Dynasty,
New Yorker, anything else built on the K platform, etc.)

Your actually watch the Mother Angelica show on EWTN on a regular basis.

You actually watch that show on EWTN where they recite the Hail Mary over
and over again, for hours and hours.

You protested at the offices of Adelphia Cable because they considered
replacing EWTN with Comedy Central..

You can talk for hours on end about which restaurant in town has the best
fish fry.

You wear white socks with dress shoes, and black socks with sneakers.

You consider the following "high culture" ...
sitting on the 50 yard line at Bills games
a Starving Artists watercolor of Pope John Paul II hung just right on
your wood paneled wall
the Dyna-Tones at the St. Stanislaus Day festival in Town Park
the Variety Club Telethon
Sunbday morings when many radio stations go to an all-polka format
Eyewitness News, especially on nights when lots of houses burn down
a good fireman's picnic or lawn fete.

You know what a "fireman's picnic" and "lawn fete" are.

You end most of your sentences with the word "der."

Pierogies are a regular part of your diet.

You spend more time and money maintaining your lawn than your house.

You ever bowled a 300 game.

Your name is Joanne ... and you pronounce it with three syllables.

You're a third generation American, but you still have an accent that
makes you sound like you're from the "da' olt country der."

You go to church on Saturday.

You ever said "When dat der Walden Galleria opens up der, I'll never shop
there. Dat der Troowaymall is just fine for me der."

You call the Walden Galleria "Dat bik mall der where da' Leonard Post used
to be der."

You've ever paid for a "Thank you St. Jude" ad in a neighborhood
newspaper.

You have one or more of the following on your front lawn ...
pink flamingo
"Mary on the half shell"
shiny orb on a pedestal
silhouette of a hick leaning against a tree
shrine to your favorite saint
shrine to the Buffalo Bills
a concrete goose that's dressed up funny
a lawn jockey ... that's black
wooden cutout of a fat butt bending over
plastic deer
jugs filled with water, because you think it keeps dogs from peeing on
your lawn

You have a "kegmeister" in your living room ... filled with ice cold
Genesee Cream Ale.

You carry a scanner or walkie-talkie with you everywhere.

You still don't eat meat on Friday.

Butter seems strange unless it comes in the form of a lamb.

You have a light bar on the roof of your truck

Cheers,

Dan (originally from the Kensington/University Heights neighborhood in
Buffalo, now in Fort Collins, Colorado. Not Charlotte, Greensboro,
Winston-Salem, Raleigh, Durham, Wilmington, High Point or Shelby like most
other Buffalonian baby busters ...)