 | If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? |
| If All Else Fails, Hug Your Teddy Bear! |
| If all laws were outlawed, only outlaws would have laws. |
| If all the world's a stage, I wanna operate the trap door. |
| If all the world's a stage, I want better lighting. |
| If at first you don't menage, trois, trois again. |
| If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. |
| If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. |
| If F1 doesn't work, try ATDT911 for more help. |
| If God though that nudity was OK, we would have been born naked. |
| If guns are outlawed, can we use swords? |
| If I buy the steel wool, can you knit me a Porsche? |
| If I had know I'd live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. |
| If I missed any more of the fun, you'd be a smear on the floor. |
| If I repent anything, it is likely to be my good behavior. - Thoreau |
| If I wanted to be saved, I would have yelled, "Help!" |
| If I were a moose & you a cow, would you love me anyhow? |
| If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy? |
| If ignorance is bliss...why aren't there more happy people? |
| If it doesn't have garlic and onions, it had better be dessert. |
| If it is neither useful nor beautiful, it doesn't belong in your life. |
| If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. |
| If it screams, it's not food, yet.... |
| If it walks out of the refrigerator, let it go! |
| If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL! |
| If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need lawyers!!! |
| If it works the first time, quit testing it. |
| If it works; tear it apart and find out why. |
| If it's fixed, don't break it. |
| If it's not your fetus, it's not your business! |
| if it's permanent press, why would you? |
| If it's stupid and it works - it's not stupid. |
| If it's Tourist Season, why _can't_ we shoot 'em??? |
| If Jesus was Jewish, why does he have a Mexican name? |
| If life was logical, MEN would ride sidesaddle! |
| If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws. |
| If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament<F Kennedy> |
| If money is the root of all evil, how come churches want so much of it? |
| If Nature destroys, it's a disaster; if Man destroys, it's progress. |
| If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does it stick to the pan? George E. Bradley |
| If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? |
| If Q were to be castrated, would he become O? |
| If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am. |
| If the door is Baroque, jiggle the Handel! |
| If the phone doesn't ring, it's me. |
| If the stork brings babies, do swallows prevent them? |
| If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space? |
| If thinking is too hard, quote the Bible. |
| If this leaves a waxy buildup, on anything, I'm coming back. |
| If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library? Lily Tomlin |
| If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? |
| If we eff the ineffable, what do we do with the inscrutable? |
| If women can sleep their way to the top, why aren't they there? |
| If Yahweh hadn't wanted us to go Metric, there'd be 12 commandments! |
| If you are looking for an X, algebra will help find it. |
| If you are not the poet, you can be the poem. |
| If you are searching for yourself...find a mirror first! |
| If you aren't going all the way, why go at all? |
| If you can read this, you're in phaser range. |
| If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing. |
| If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else! |
| If you can't tell me WHY it's wrong, it probably isn't. |
| If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? |
| If you don't decide, you've still decided. |
| If you don't move your vowels regularly, you'll get consanated. |
| If you don't think about the future, you can't have one. |
| If you drink, don't park, accidents cause people. |
| If you need me, I'll be in my garden. |
| If you see a turtle sitting on a stump, you'll know he didn't get there by himself. |
| If you see any misspelled words it HAS to be line noise. |
| If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast. |
| If you think nobody cares you're alive, try missing a car payment. |
| If you want to hide your face, walk naked. |
| If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? |
| If you win at the rat race...you're still a rat! |
| If your mind goes blank, remember to turn off the sound. |
| If your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built upside down. |
| If your ship hasn't come in yet, it's time you swam out! |
| If you're against abortion, don't have one! |
| If you're losing the game, change the rules. |
| If you're not the lead dog, everything looks the same! |
| Ifyoucanreadthisyouspendtoomuchtimereadingtaglines! |
