 | Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars. |
| Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars. |
| Acura NSX - I am impotent. |
| Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires. |
| Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states. |
| Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman. |
| Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp. |
| Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating up people. |
| Chevrolet Cavalier - Pretty soon I'll have a Daytona. |
| Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette. |
| Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis. |
| Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government. |
| Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather. |
| Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well. |
| Dodge Dart - I teach third grade and I voted for Eisenhower. |
| Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car. |
| Dodge Viper - When I drive over the elderly I want them to hear it coming. |
| Ford Escort - I'm a red-headed nanny. |
| Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart) |
| Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones. |
| Ford Taurus - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming with no credit. |
| Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull
up behind them. |
| Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall. |
| Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall. |
| Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at
all. |
| Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit. |
| Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. |
| Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. |
| Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his reports. |
| Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per
year. |
| Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp. |
| Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers. |
| Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above) |
| Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph. |
| Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole. |
| Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18-wheeler. |
| MGB - I am dating a mechanic. |
| Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either. |
| Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. |
| Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List. |
| Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena. |
| Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock. |
| Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me. |
| Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal |
| Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic and add I hate the Japanese) |
| Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car. |
| Toyota Camry- I am still in the closet |
| Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family |
| Volkswagen Cabriolet- I am out of the closet |
| Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now |
| Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife |
