Good evening, sir…and welcome to
Our home, where tourists stay
Because it's recommended by
The Innsmouth Triple A.
Please seek your comfort 'neath our roof;
You'll find our rates are low
'Cause everyone who visits us
Finds some excuse to go.
It's certainly a pleasure for
My wife and me to tend
Your needs while staying at our place
And give advice, my friend.
Ignore the smells; they're much the same
In seaport towns, I fear,
Although they might perhaps be just
A wee bit stronger here.
Explore our port, but stay away
From churches you might see;
Strange cults control the premises
Where it's not safe to be.
Especially, stranger, stay away
From nasty Dagon Hall.
I guarantee that you will not
Be welcomed there at all.
The Gilman House you'll probably spot---
It's tall and rather wide---
But view it safely from the street
And do not go inside.
At curbside you might see the bus
Joe Sargent drives each day.
I wouldn't board it though, I'd get
About some other way.
Off shore you'll likely see the reef
Torpedoed long ago
By Federal agents searching for
Some things you'd best not know.
If Zadok Allen you should meet---
A whiskered gent, quite lean---
You'd best evade his company
And not with him be seen.
If you are out this evening for
A stroll and bit of air,
Don't speak to any strangers who
Might have a froggy stare.
Be sure to bolt your door at night
And don't snoop down the hall.
Pay no attention to the noise
If something pounds the wall.
And don't get too upset to hear
Strange croaking sounds tonight.
They'll end, I promise, with the rays
Of early dawning light.
With these restrictions, friend, I'm sure
You'll have a pleasant stay,
And want to visit our fair town
Again another day.
But just in case things don't go right
And trouble should begin,
Please indicate upon this form
The name of closest kin.