Discourse to the Dead
Chapter VI
The Dawn of Certainty
I fear because I do not know. I fear
because I doubt. I fear because He speaks to my uncertainty and doubt. Fear,
what sentiments! He is driving me insane with it. And yes, indeed, He is taking
away my very reason by exploiting my fear. Reason. If only I could adhere to the
little light of reason that is left! Yet in this plane, nothing is true anymore.
All is black. All is oblivious. There is no reason. There is only sentiments,
passions, feelings. And fear is taking away these things too, for insanity is
the end of consciousness. If that light of reason is extinguished, I will become
nothing more than a zombie, drifting in the plane of darkness and nothingness.
Yet this is not my destiny. I refuse
to accept this fate. No. Not under my very nose and my knowledge. I doubt. I
fear. Hence I lose my mind. Is this not the origin of logic and certainty then?
Wait. Let me think again. He speaks, then I fear and doubt. There is finite
relations between the three phases. Think, think. This is certainty. This is
logic! The fact that I doubt from fear is the origin of logic. It is sad though.
It is sad that I must draw first logic from my darkest sentiments and
irrationality. It is surely ironic too.
Confine the irony! It suffices to
know that there is reason even within irrationality and insanity. Is this the
entity that speaks within me, then? Pitiful it is. Pitiful that it is reduced to
such pathetic minuteness. And woe to me for having to defend it! Each passing
moment is a contest; each fluctuation of passions is a test. Lest I understand
and defeat that Voice which calls to me, I am doomed to fall when my will is
spent.
No, that will not happen. I must, and
I must calm down and think. No fears, no despair, no uncertainty; I shall not
merely turn away from him: I shall meet him with my spears up. If there is
reason to my existence, there must also be reason to His existence. I shall
discover it, and fight Him with it.