Psychochik: The Interview

The following is a transcript of a recent interview of the subject, known only as "Psychochik".

[Begin recording]

Doc1: Good morning Psychochik. I'm here to...

Psy: Are you here to get me the f**k out of here?

Doc1: Ummm...I'm afraid that's not quite possible just yet, you see we're still trying to figure out the nature of your uhhh..."condition".

Psy: My only "problem" is that I'm tired of being here. This place stinks, literally stinks. Did you see that head up in the air vent today?

Doc1: The vent in your room? The room where we found the rest of the body twitching on the floor and you giggling in the corner?

Psy: Yeah! You people are runnin' a pretty sloppy hospital around here. Do you have any idea how long that head was left up there? I should think you'd care about the patient's well-being a bit better than this.

Doc1: Oookaaaay. Well let's move on now shall we? Have you continued to see those hallucinations since we switched your medication?

Psy: What hallucinations?

Doc1: Ummm...[flipping through notes]..It says here you were complaining about the walls in your cell laughing at you and your bed growing teeth and trying to devour you. At least that's what you told us when we found you ripping up you pillows and mattress.

Psy: DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!! Didn't you hear them laughing?! That was NO hallucination! They were laughing at me the whole time you guys drugged the hell out of me!! If you'd listened you would've heard it!

Doc1: I think the problem was that you broke the neck of one of the orderlies that tried to talk you down and gnawed off his nose.

Psy: You people...that was no orderly! I saw the look in his eye, he was in on it with the walls! He thought when he came I'd have already been eaten, but I survived! HA!! I thwarted his evil scheme!!

Doc1: I assure you, he wasn't in on anything before he bled to death. He was just trying to get you to calm do....

Psy: Wait! Shut up!! Shhhhh!! Listen....do you hear that?

Doc1: Hear what?

Psy: Them...it's them! Listen!! Shhhh!!

Doc1: I'm afraid I really don't hear anything. What do you think you're hearing?

Psy: The walls...listen...they're listening. If you listen close, you can hear them laughing, something's up...stay sharp. Don't make any sudden moves...I've dealt with this before.

Doc1: Ummm, ok. Well I think it's time for your medication. Here just give me your hand and....

Psy: What's this? You bare your venomous fang at ME? You vile poison-spitting BASTARD!!!

Doc1: Ok, Psy...just calm down. Just relax ok? I'm not going to hurt you. Just relax. Breathe....Brea....

Psy: ENOUGH!!! I see your sick plot, you're in on it with them!! Don't deny it!! You'll never take me!! NEVER!!! C'MERE!!!

Doc1: What?! Let go...ow! Give me my needle back! Psy stop!! What the hell are you DOING?! Get off me!!! no! NO! NOO!!! STOP!!! FOR THE LOVE OF.....NNNYYAAAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!

[End of interview]

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