(A shadow creeps across the walla of the room, then gathers itself on a wall behind the podium of microphones. Mr. Gone soon walks out of the wall shadow and stands wrapped in his cape, looking somewhat irritable.)

Mr. Gone - Ok, ok...let's just calm down everyone, I'm sure this isn't the first time you've seen a violently telekenetic, Satanic witch-doctor and serial killer before, so please stop all the gawking.

Reporter 1 - Sir, before we get started I'd like to ask you why we had to meet here in a cemetary at midnight?

Mr. Gone - Oh for the love of....don't you know anything? It's WEDSNDAY!!! Studies show that UFO's avoid kidnapping people in graveyards on Wednsdays because of the collective dead matter in the ground and air, how the HELL did you ever become a reporter?

Reporter 1 - Riiiiiiight, ok, well...I guess that's all very good then.

Mr. Gone - Ok, now, I'll be more than happy to answer all your questions as long as they are calm and orderly, ah yes...you there, how may I help you?

Reporter 2 - Good evening sir, looking at your web pages over the years, I'd like to know wether or not you've ever had a thorough psychiatric examination, and if so, what were the results?

Mr. Gone - Well, personally I thought the results weren't a total loss, the opinions of the doctors may have seemed less than positive regarding my perspective, but the skulls of my past Psychiatrists made great paperweights for my office at home.

Reporter 3 - Right, well personally I'd like to know where your inspiration comes from. And also could you tell us how this Dark Cypher Project came about in the beggining?

Mr. Gone - Great question. Well, as far as my inspirations are concerned, most of them just come from every day life. I like looking at the brighter side of things. What better way to visualize people than having a them ripped open and sliced up, letting the light shine down on their innards? Wait, hold on that probably sounded wrong. Ok, it's like this, when I'm just kicking around at home or school or whatever, my mind is constantly coming up with new ideas for internet sites, but I dont always have a way to bring them forth. To me web sites and books are like art work, no, they ARE art work. Web sites need to be interesting and fun, and also have content that makes them a pleasure to read and browse through. For me, it's a pain in the nuts to have to look at sites that are little more than someone's picture, and a list of their favorite links on the net. That's one of the worst sins of net design, a page that has no purpose. Even a page that is just designed to be a cornucopia of info on someone has a purpose, but a page that's just some lifeless, static, thing is a waste of memory space.

On the Dark Cypher Project, this one was a sort of collaboration of my need to release artistic expression along with Shiva's need to not only express her own views, but also create a way to meet and rub elbows with Satanists all over the world she couldn't normally run into. She came to me wanting a web page, but didn't want to pay a lot for it, and wanted it to be something a little different, with some cool content, art, etc. Me, I wanted a chance to turn out a site that was dedicated to girls I know who like the "darker" side of life, but manage to still be interesting, imaginative, and original amidst all of the dark and moody people running with the trend.

Reporter 2 - Cool, so I'd like to know, what is your stance on violence in the Dark Cypher page, which claims to follow the doctrine of Anton LaVey. Going by LaVey's work, violence towards living things should be a "bad" thing to do, and life should be loved and celebrated, not destroyed.

Mr. Gone - True indeed, life SHOULD be celebrated, but looking at the human life, what is there to celebrate? I can completely understand and advocate the need to be somewhat positive about the human existence, but over time I've grown more and more picky about what, to me, is and is not acceptable as far as what humans I think should be allowed to even exist at all. The common answer to this is "but, who are you to judge who's fit to survive?", and the answer is simply to say that I'm as good a judge as any, since anyone with an ounce of common sense knows the difference between one who seeks only to destroy life, and one who seeks to destroy that which will destroy said life. I have no sympathy or respect for those that have none for me. People want to be able to say "f--- the world and humanity" all the time and never do anything to fix it. But the minute you say "f--- you, you worthless bastard" they get offended, even though they just cursed the humanity of which they are a part.

Times are indeed changing. Complaining has become the new favorite pastime. "Doing" things is actually treated with reverence by many. Why? Because people have become so used to being allowed to settle for lower standards and values that being a slacker and a loser is something people are proud of. Why should I NOT laugh and make violent comments directed at people like this? People want to act worthless, talk as if they are worthless, but treat them as if they're worthless and they get mad. They want to put forth an image of not caring and being indifferent but are actually just too cowardly to take the effort of working at being original and thinking.

Reporter 3 - BUT, do you personally think violent attitudes and angst directed at all people is wrong?

Mr. Gone - I never said "all" people. And let me make this clear now that I have a microphone, STOP it already with the need to always be verbally singled out!!! It's a pain in the ass to talk to people who need every statement about any group to explicitly single them out as the exeption. Take the hint, if I'm reffering to you personally, if I'm not just take it for granted that I'm talking to the people who fit the description, if you do not, there shouldn't be a need to be noted as an exception. What the hell kind of idiot would think all people are exactly the same? If i say "people" do this or that, it ought to be clear I'm talking about people that fit the description I give soon after, and leaving those that don't out of it. I just don't have time to individually name everyone in the world who doesn't fit a description when they ought to be obvious. Semantic rhetoric is for nit-picking morons who just want to run an argument or conversation in circles because they don't really have much to say.

Reporter 1 - Well now let's not get testy. Anyway, could you elaborate on how sane your profile claims you to be?

Mr. Gone - Well, I've never read my profile, but I know I'm not insane. Insane people are those people that drink too much and end up mooning people on the dividers of freeways, I'm just a little morbid and eccentric.

Reporter 5 - Sounds great, by the way let's cover a little mental ground here. Now, we've seen and heard numerous rumors that you're a telekenetic serial killer, exactly what does all of that mean?

Mr. Gone - Well, there are some out there that claim to have seen me perform acts such as levitating or flying, causing people's stomachs to suddenly burst open, causing various sides of peoples' heads to crack and go exploding into uncountable pieces, causing peoples' throats to inexplicably and violently crush inward for no apparent reason...you know, stuff like that...

Reporter 5 - And...your statement regarding these accusations?

(Reporter 5's head suddenly and inexplicably bursts in a shower of blood, skull, and brain tissue on the horrified crowd, as his rib cage opens like a massive claw and grabs Reporter 2, closing in and crushing his torso leaving Reporter 2 to die screaming, panicking, and flailing like a fish out of water. The crowd stands speechless and in sheer terror as a small group of gremlins come running in with cleaning equipment.)

Mr. Gone - Well how about that, huh? We're talking telekenesis, and BAM! It happens! Speak of the Devil, eh?

(The crowd stands in silence, jaws hanging open and pupils dialated.)

Mr. Gone - Hey...hey c'mon you don't REALLY think I'd go and do something like blow someone up and cause his ribs to crab another man and crush him to death would you?

(Silence.)

(Mr. Gone suddenly becomes enraged and throws his cape open, growling, as the crowd screams and breaks into a panicked frenzy trying to run out of the graveyard. Heads explode, bodies come flying off the legs that carry them, trees suddenly grab and rip people to shreds. Bodies go into spinning seizures and crack their own bones. Skeletons come ripping out of backs. Then...silence.)

Mr. Gone - Hmmm, maybe I overreacted a bit there...I'd better call and have some more reporters sent over.

[End Press Conference 1]

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