In the finest tradition of television producers everywhere, I've come up with a totally derivative concept which is insulting to the average viewer's intelligence. Without further adieu, I present to you the greatest crime-fighting duo of the season:
In this pilot episode, the dynamic Papal Pair do battle with the nefarious Abortionist(tm)- as played by John Ritter. The Abortionist, along with his gang of resident thugs and candystriper molls, hatch a plot to make abortion legal in the ass-backward state of Alabama. Watch the Pope and his aged ward, Cardinal Cranky, kick some baby-killin' heinie!
Gay Pride, that is, as our reactionary heroes battle the sinful Hairstylist(tm)- as played a little bit too convincingly by John Travolta. The Stylist and his band of VERY close-knit henchmen capture the Pope and try to put him in a compromising situation. Cardinal Cranky must save him - in a very masculine way, of course.
The Pope and the Cardinal must battle a terrible twosome of reincarnated despots; Chairman Mao- as played ny Jackie Chan- and Josef Stalin- played by, for some inexplicable reason, Val Kilmer. The two rulers, and their gangs of young Marxist ideologues, try to nationalize the art treasures in the Vatican, and use to proceeds to feed poor people. How dare they? The Pope has to kick some serious godless Commie ass in this one.
America's youth are being corrupted by the sly Seductress(tm)- played by Gweneth Paltrow. Mmmmm.... Gweneth Paltrow... Ahem. Anyway, she's seducing upstanding young Catholic men into pre-marital sex. Of course, as we all know, it is entirely her fault, because men can't be held responsible for their sexual urges. In any event, Cardinal Cranky falls under her Siren's spell, and the Pope must defeat the vixen's allure.
The Papal Pair must deal with a huge threat - evil equal rights crusader Rev. Jesse Jackson (as himself) and long-suffering First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton (as herself). The Reverend, with his gang of equal numbers of Black, Hispanic, and Asian henchpersons, is trying to inforce equal opportunity laws. The Pope keeps kicking their asses, but Hillary's nefarious healthcare plan keeps patching them up. Can our heroes beat these tag teaming liberals?
