To Dream of Evil Toilets

I dreamed one night a horrid sight,
A wicked toilet bowl!
I shook with fear, for I knew not
Where led its evil hole.

I ran, and hoped to flee the thing,
Yet after me it came!
And sure as sure, as all then looked,
I seemed a helpless dame.

I ran and hid, and hid and ran,
I could not flee the beast.
As matters were, that I had bad breath
Worried me the least.

I hid inside a bathroom stall;
It was to no avail.
For there I found, right next to me,
Its evil cousin pail!

My hair, it stood upon its head!
I shook in utter fright!
I hoped and wished, and wished and hoped,
To see it end, this night.

And then, by stroke of I know not what,
A courageous streak prevailed!
I ripped the seat off toilet fiend,
Whilst it screamed and flailed.

A gush of evil toilet blood,
It hit me in the eye!
And low, behold, I swear I heard
The toilet start to cry.

T'was then it first occured to me
I knew not what it wanted;
And unprovoked, I had my strength
So mercilessly flaunted.

And so I pondered: T'was it grave?
Or was it all a joke?
But I suppose it matters not,
For at that moment, I awoke.

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