The Uniqueness of the Sexes

It is clear to anyone that men and women are different. Even feminists who seek male and female equality acknowledge that men and women are different - the kind of equality they seek is for both men and women to have the same rights as human beings. Men and women are different in shape, and they are also different in the way they relate to the world. Anyone involved in a relationship knows this, and many blame it for the failure of their relationship or marriage. But if we can understand where each of the sexes if coming from, we can avoid some of the conflict and misunderstanding that occurs between men and women. We don't really know why men and women are different, and this article doesn't tackle that question. But it is painfully clear that we are, and so in what ways are we?

The Uniqueness of Men

Women complain that men are all ego. It seems that they have to prove themselves to everyone. They compete with men, and they show off to women. It is important for anyone to feel worthwhile. A man feels that his achievements are what makes him worthy of the respect and friendship of others. The more times a man can stand back and take the credit for something, be it a physical construction or a solution to a problem, the more worth and value he feels. This in fact true for women also, but her worth doesn't come from creating things, fixing things or working out solutions to problems. A man's desire is, however, to be the one who thought up the solution to a problem. When something goes wrong with the car, he will work into the night finding out what has gone wrong. The man is the one who will spend hours trying to program a computer to get the sums right, and to display the right information to the screen. A man will pride himself on constructing a bookshelf, or designing an automatic pet feeding machine, or some other strange invention. He thinks objectively; everything has to be a universal truth. The truth must be the same for everyone. He sees a problem, and asks not how he feels about it or what it means to him, but what are the objective truths about it - he analyses what is wrong with it and how to, in practical terms, solve it. He seeks the facts in any situation, and needs proof that the facts are solid truth. He will be critical of what he is told, and will require convincing. He finds it hard to trust others, because he himself is not trustworthy. Men are the ones who seek war and destruction. Men are most found to deface property with graffiti, steal and trash cars, and involve themselves in acts of violence. He can detach himself from his feelings and block the empathy that wants to creep in, saying "what if it was your property." I am led to believe that this tendency for a man to detach himself from his feelings is due to the lack of connective tissue from the left and right hemisphere of the brain. It is not necessarily a bad thing, for detached from his feelings he is able to look at things objectively, and indeed can make a better scientist than a woman. In no way in this article am I being anti-feminist, and I do not argue that women should stay out of the field of science. However, men are able, and do look at things more objectively. They are not influenced by their emotions.

The Uniqueness of Women

Women are quite the opposite to men in many respects. A woman is whole bundle of emotions. She can sense how someone else is feeling by putting herself in their position. She can read body language as though it were spelled out in words on a page. She has an incredible ability to know what a person needs emotionally. She can bring up a child like no man could, because she has the ability to see what the child's soul is lacking. She has a great urge to be a part of the lives of the people around her. Her need for relationship with people is her driving force. How many relationships and the quality of the relationships she has is what makes her feel worthwhile and valuable. The more she is respected and loved, the more she feels like a person. A woman loves to talk; she needs to share her feelings with others, and hear about how other people feel. Her life is run by her emotions. Everything is rated as good or bad based on how it makes her feel. When a man and a woman disagree about something, even though the man may be objectively right about something, it is still wrong in a woman's eyes because of the way it makes her feel. I have heard it said that "all women are bitches" (and let it be known that it was a woman who said this.) Since a woman is run by her emotions, she will use them for good and evil. She will use emotional black mail to get what she wants. If she wants to hurt someone, she will do it emotionally, (while a man will probably trash their property or smack them out.) Women are known for their gossip, which in reality is their normal conversation about people and emotions but is called gossip when those emotions are ones of bitterness and anger, or other negative emotions. This is not to say that it is alright; even a woman must learn how to express things appropriately.

In relationships

In a relationship, these two opposites must learn to live together, understanding each other. The implications of the way we are need to be addressed. A woman often complains that her man won't talk to her. The man will consider that he does because he tells her about the problems he overcame and the things he discovered. The woman wants to hear about his feelings towards her and towards other people. She wants to talk about people, not problems. People's problems, however, is where the two sexes can easily unite. On the surface, it seems that there is no unity when tackling problems of any kind, let alone people problems. A man faced with a problem will withdraw, often sitting in silence for hours (disguised as watching TV or doing paperwork.) He is thinking out his problem in his mind. Reams of internal dialogue discuss his problem, somewhat analytically. A woman will not do this; she wants this dialogue to be verbal between as many people as she can find. She will not discuss it rationally and analytically, but rather will let her feelings guide her, until she has eventually tested it under every major emotion she can. She does not think before she speaks, which can cause problems in a relationship, especially when a woman tries to recant something she has said, and the man will not accept it.

When a woman sees that a man has withdrawn into himself, she might assume that he is being cold and unloving, when in reality his computer won't boot up properly. When a woman begins to chatter to a man about a problem, he immediately generates a logical, sound solution. Having given the solution, he expects the woman to thank him for his excellent suggestion and the case is closed, conversation over. He is frustrated and becomes angry when she wants to perpetuate the argument, feeling that she did not appreciate his solution (in effect calling him worthless.) He does not understand that she overcomes her problems by talking about them, not from hearing solutions. The best he can do is listen and respond not with solutions, but understanding. A woman must also understand how a man deals with his problems. Often when he is silent and contemplating a problem, she will try her best to help by starting a conversation. The man reacts because he is being disturbed from this process he uses to overcome his problems. A woman should always allow a man to sort out his problem in his head. Wanting to be a part of the solution is best done by asking him what the problem is, and asking him to let her know what he has worked out from time to time, letting him be in control of this kind of conversation.

When it comes to people problems, a woman is best able to work with the problem on an emotional level. If a relationship is falling apart, she can see that there is a lack of tenderness or honesty. She can pick up on how each person is feeling, and men need to take their word for it, even if it means swallowing their pride. A man's ability to objectively look at the problem can come in handy. He will devise ways of managing time for the couple to spend more time together. He will see all the external factors affecting the relationship, and can spot whether a man is devoting too much attention to his hobbies. Both men and women have their faults and their virtues. Men and women should complement each other, and complement each other is something they can do so well. Where one lacks the other makes up for. Each should allow to exercise their field of expertise as a man or woman. The differences in men and women differ again from person to person, but the general outline given here tends to apply. Discovering each other is what falling in love is all about. Remembering what you have discovered and paying attention to it is what perpetuates love. The exciting thing is that you will never know everything there is to discover about your partner, and you can go on in this magical state of discovery for as long as you both shall live. A man of ninety six years of age saw his wife pass away. At the funeral he said to me, "but I still had so many questions to ask her." I humoured him and asked "Like what?" "Like why she preferred pink roses to red ones," he said, gazing at the roses by her casket. "Me, I would have preferred red ones," he concluded.