I feel like I'm standing on the edge looking into the darkness and I don't know how to walk away. I put myself there through playing games, and still I can't stop. I don't want to wake up anymore. To lie in bed chewing on a pack of Marlboros and a bottle of magic is my idea of heaven. But I have to get up. I have to keep going. Giving up seems so easy it's scary. I want to be out of the race, so what if that makes me a loser. I have so much, could have so much going for me, but I don't care anymore. I don't know if I ever cared. Everything I do, I do because is makes someone happy. For once, I wish that someone could be me. Everything I do, I do because I don't know what else I could do instead. The only alternative is to give up, to jump into the darkness. I want to fall, feel the high of the air rushing against my face. Why does it have to be so inviting? Giving up is so fucking easy, but I can't. What would happen when I hit bottom? If I hit bottom? I want to drown myself in life, take on the world, reach for the stars, but I can't hide. I can only be free when I make myself forget, when I'm so enslaved by chemicals that mother nature flees, cowering. I need to be stoned, just wanna lose myself in ecstasy and pink elephants. I know it's wrong, everything I do is wrong, but it feels so fucking good. Death is wrong, but compared to trying... I don't know. But guess what? I'll never give up. Makes you happy, right? I wish it made me happy. I'll never give up, I’m not strong, I'm scared. I'm too scared to take my life into my own hands. I want to go to sleep and wake up to the kiss of a beautiful lover who was conquered all the world's evil, or never wake up at all. I wanna walk of the edge, just keep walking. I wanna be happy, I wanna be free, I wanna die.