GOTHICAGOTHICA
I recently got this e-mail from a friend:
I have a question pertaining to the goth survey you took...
If you're a Goth, when did you become one? Or have you always been one (possibly before you knew there were other goths)? Goth is not something you become, it's something that you grow into due to previous experiances.
what types of experiences or personalities would you have to "grow" into goth as you said? Just curious. =)
Now this friend lives about 1000 miles from me and hasn't seen a picture of me in the last three years due to my inability to get one in the mail to her. Now either she hasn't talked to me since I replyed to her because my explanation was effective or because I just noticed that I haven't had my AOL Instant Messenger open since then.... probably the later.
Anyway, without further adu, here's my reply:
By experiances I didn't mean that there is any one or even few experiances(although in some cases this may be true). I ment that somehow the way you were treated or because you are somehow different than society would have you you come to the realization that what society, religion, or the media (which is society in some ways) tells you is not necessarily what is "right", "true", or "good". When that happens you decide to set the rules for yourself and not listen others when they tell you that what you're doing is "wrong". You start to do your own thing without paying any head to whether others have a problem with it because you've learned that if they don't like you for who you really are, they aren't really your friend anyway and therefore their opinion means nothing.
In my life I always tried to "fit in" and conform to what others thought was "cool". I tried for years but something was always wrong with me and everyone ridiculed me. I can remember in middle school it got so bad that I would go off by myself and just cry. Then, in High School, it led to depression. At that time (end of 10th grade), Chris was into Hard rock and heavy metal (now he's more into techno). Even though I didn't like that kind of music he made me listen to two of Mariyln Manson's songs, "The Reflecting God" and "Get Your Gunn", and the music spoke to me with more force than anything ever had before.... or has >since.
It made me realize several things that I probably would not have realized on my own. The most important of those were that I am not alone in feeling the ridicule, that what other people think of me is not important, and that society is essencially full of shit. This led to what can only be termed an overnight change in me. My depression changed into something that I've always been at a loss to describe and when I do I always fail, I did whatever I pleased regardless of whether or not my peers approved or it was socially acceptable, and I started demanding respect when I thought it was due to me (that last one shocked the hell out of more than a few people).>
Over time this new attitude began to show it's self in how I dress and in my taste in music. If I hadn't had that realization I can honestly say that I would have either commetted suicide or become a druggie because at that point in my life I had so little respect for myself that I KNOW that that's where it would have led.
If you would like me to post how you "became" a goth or would like to give me your thoughts on the subject to be posted here please e-mail me at
© 1998 lilth_danaher@hotmail.com
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