The question has preyed on man's mind once he was able to meet his basic needs of food and shelter. Poets have spoken of the glory, the exultation, the pain. Scientists have studied the physiological effects: the racing heart, the blushed cheeks, the lethargy of lost love.

I have lived most of my life not wanting to know love. I had this image of myself as not needing the fuel of human emotion. I had the arrogant idea that I was beyond all that and in a sense it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a sense, I got to this point in my life by not listening to my heart and by taking the path of least resistance. 

Fortunately for me, I now realize that my soul failed to fall for this lie and sent distress signals, that I chose to ignore. But before I delve into my epiphany, a word or so from...

The poets
 

Excellent advice, though not easy to follow in either work, dance or love.

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.

Author unknown

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "Sonnets from the Portuguese" 
 

Leonard Cohen has captured the feelings of grown-up love and passion in the following two songs.

Two songs by Leonard Cohen, from his CD 
I'm Your Man

Ain't no cure for love

I loved you for a long, long time, I know this love is real
It don't matter how it all went wrong that don't change the way I feel
And I can't believe that time's gonna heal this wound I'm speaking of
There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love

I'm aching for you baby I can't pretend I'm not
I need to see you naked in your body and your thought
I've got you like a habit and I'll never get enough
There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love
There ain't no cure for love
There ain't no cure for love

All the rocket ships are climbing through the sky
The holy books are open wide
The doctors working day and night
But they'll never ever find that cure for love
There ain't no drink, no drug (Ah tell them, angels)
There's nothing pure enough to be a cure for love

I see you in the subway and I see you on the bus
I see you lying down with me, I see you waking up
I see your hand, I see your hair your bracelets and your brush
And I call to you, I call to you but I don't call soft enough
There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love

I walked into this empty church, I had no place else to go
When the sweetest voice I ever heard, whispered to my soul
I don't need to be forgiven for loving you so much
It's written in the scriptures, it's written there in blood
I even heard the angels declare it from above
There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love
There ain't no cure for love
There ain't no cure for love

All the rocket ships are climbing through the sky
The holy books are open wide
The doctors working day and night
But they'll never ever find that cure,
That cure for love
 

I'm your man

If you want a lover I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love I'll wear a mask for you
If you want a partner take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger here I stand
I'm your man

If you want a boxer I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride you know you can
I'm your man

Ah, the moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man

And if you've got to sleep a moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while across the sand
I'm your man

Ah, the moon's too bright...
If you want a lover I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love I'll wear a mask for you
 

And if loving is easy, it is a property of the beloved, not the lover.
 

Lovin' Her Was Easier (Than Anything I'll Ever Do Again)

I have seen the morning burning golden on the mountain in the sky
Aching with the feeling of the freedom of an eagle when she flies
Turning on the world the way she smiled upon my soul as I lay dying
Healing as the colors in the sunshine and the shadows of her eyes

Waking in the morning to the feeling of her fingers on my skin
Wiping out the traces of the people and the places that I've been
Teaching me that yesterday was something that I never thought of trying
Talking of tomorrow and the money, love and time we had to spend

Loving her was easier than anything I'll ever do again
Coming close together with a feeling that I've never know before, in my time
She ain't ashamed to be a woman or afraid to be a friend
I don't know the answer to the easy way she opened every door in my mind

But dreaming was as easy as believing it was never gonna end
And loving her was easier than anything I'll ever do again 

Kris Kristofferson
 

The scientists

Dr. Alexander Lowen's believes that love is good for your health in general and your heart especially so. In his book Love, Sex, and Your Heart he discusses, among other things, how love can be selfish and immature or full and mature, the effects of love on great sex and the physiological benefits of love and sex. 

One of the problems encountered in any discussion of love is that the word describes two different feelings, both originating in the heart. One is the longing for closeness that stems from need. The other is the desire for closeness that stems from a fullness of heart. The feeling of love in the first case, though genuine, is infantile or childlike. It has a desperate quality because its aim is to bind the other person. Once the attachment is made, the dependent person cannot let go. But this inability to let go also expresses itself in the sexual relationship, so that there is little fulfillment in the relationship. In contrast, the love that stems from a fullness of being is mature. It doesn't bind the beloved but rather leaves him or her free.

Dr. Alexander Lowen
Love, Sex, and Your Heart  

John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and a slew of follow up books, examines the effects of living in a relationship devoid of emotional intimacy. He sums it up as follows:
 

There is nothing more painful and lonely than lying next to someone that you feel you cannot reach out and touch with love. 

John Gray
 

For everyone, there is one special person with whom we can be completely at ease; from whom we need hide nothing; who can see into our soul by gazing in our eyes; who touches our mind, our body and our spirit in ways we have never been touched before. I believe that each of us has a soulmate somewhere out there and that at some point in our lives, we will cross paths with our soulmates (that part is destiny). The paths are tortuous, the signposts are lacking and tis oft unclear that we have chosen the right way, for the road is rarely smooth and easy. What we do when we meet our soulmate depends on us (this part is free will). If we get it wrong, destiny may give us a second chance…or it may not.

For one view of this subject matter see SoulMates & Predestined Love.
 

To be continued....

Graphics on this page are from the folks at 

The hybridizer of these lovely roses is Jack Christensen who has allowed their use for this background.