Goodbye

by Donald Calhoun


We each are a single point, a single spot in this pointillist painting of the world.
We each offer something to others and, in turn, they to us.
Our colors seem to blend, in a passion unfurled.
I have often mistaken love and friendship.
I have been rebuked also by love’s whip.
Hip people strip,
Then take a dip
In this place of social confusion.
Love is when you can live without someone but would do anything before you had to...
A friend is someone who, without you, lives and comes back to tell you about their adventures, Maybe sharing a few along the way.
My mind is slipping, draining like a sieve.
I hate to tell you this, but I hate this.
I can't describe the pain, the loneliness.. the bad thoughts and sleeplessness.
I don't like living in a world where one can be in love with someone and then be abandoned.
I don't like being abandoned.
I don't like hating things.
I don't like hate.
I don't want to be your clay.
I want to be your blanket, in which you wrap yourself when you feel down
I want to be there for you.
I want to be happy.
I want to make you happy.
Now I know I can't.
I can't figure a way out.
The more I walk on eggshells,
the more I step on nails.
I miss you.
I love you.
I miss loving you.
My friends are all telling me to forget about you,
Though they never really knew
But only heard from me
Who you were, what you could be.
Maybe my descriptions weren't bright enough.
Maybe you didn't shine in their eyes,
But you shone in mine.
I wish we could kiss and make-up,
But we would have to have something to make up over.
The argument wasn't there.
There were tense words.. I choked up when I heard
"I don't think it is a good idea for me to come up."
It meant that I would not get a chance to make time and see who you have become.
I cried.
I got mad (at myself more than you)...
I knew it was true..
We didn't talk like we used to ...
You were tense on the phone...
I used to listen to you talk until I had to go..
Now we just talked when you thought you had to...
I miss you.
But there are too many differences, of which age is the least.
You seem the beauty and I seem the beast.
God comes first in your life
And in mine I still search, not certain of what I will find.
Conservative views help to skew you on a plane
Away from my frame of mind.
Gender roles, moral goals, fashion bug, dancing describe you,
And for me these things must be broken to see what lies beneath.
Clothes don't make the man, or manners for that matter;
and I have been known to do the wrong thing.
I am sometimes sensitive, And I don't dance
But I would have…
For you, in a love blind trance.
Now the end is coming, I can tell, I normally can't communicate so well..
But the emotions need let out.
They need to be let out to play in the light of our sunset, lest you forget that I, too, am human And prey to all these things.
Let sleeping dogs lie, is a phrase that comes to mind.
Well, I'll let this one lie, though I’m not so inclined.
I guess it's time to end this lullaby...
......
......
Goodbye.

 

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