The Michael Jackson case: Portraits of stupidity

November 25, 2003

Forgive me for this, but we're going to be talking about the Michael Jackson debacle today. It pains me to give this overhyped, embarrassing news story ink, but dammit, there are stupid people who need to be mocked.

The stupid people to whom I refer -- at least some of them -- are discussed in this recent Associated Press report:

Small gatherings of Michael Jackson fans held candlelight vigils around the world Saturday to support the pop megastar as he faces allegations of child molestation.

There were rallies from Los Angeles to Toronto to Rome, but each typically drew just a few dozen fans. Vigils were planned over the weekend in more than a dozen cities, and others were to follow in China and Australia.

In Los Angeles, about 25 supporters gathered at Jackson's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame outside Grauman's Chinese Theater. They chanted "Michael's innocent!" and set candles in the shape of a heart around the star.

Faisal Malik, 29, a Los Angeles fan who helped organize the gathering, said he believes the performer is innocent.

"No other entertainer ever has opened his house so much to people," Malik said in a telephone interview. "True charity comes from the heart."

"He's the most famous person in the world, and they make someone a god and then they try to tear them down," said Arus Tashchyan, 18, of Montebello, who wore a black felt hat and a sequined glove, a style that Jackson made famous.

OK, it's now time to ask the question: HOW DO THESE MORONS KNOW MICHAEL JACKSON IS INNOCENT?!?

Yes, he could be innocent. Yes, this could be some extortion attempt. But unless you were there with Michael Jackson and the kid who was allegedly molested, you have no idea whether Jackson really did what he's accused of.

And while we're at it, let's stop and look at some facts:

-- Michael Jackson is weird. By all accounts, he's something of a freak.

-- He admits to having kids over for sleepovers and other activities. He made his home into an amusement park. As this same AP report states, "Media reports have said Jackson's alleged victim is a 12- or 13-year-old cancer survivor who visited him at Neverland, where the singer was known to hold sleep-overs for children and share his bed with youngsters." If any other adult on the planet were to do such a thing, he'd be looked upon with justifiable suspicion and derision.

-- This is not the first time somebody has accused The Gloved One of something like this. Ten years ago, Jackson paid millions -- some reports have put the amount as high as $15 million -- to the family of another kid who claimed Jackson assaulted him. Charges were dropped after the kid took the money in exchange for keeping his mouth shut. This could have also been merely an extortion attempt -- a very good one, apparently -- but then why did Jackson go along with it if he was so freakin' innocent?

The bottom line is there's a chance Jackson did what he's accused of. So these people holding vigils in Michael Jackson's defense need to shut the hell up.

And speaking of stupid people … if these accusations against Jackson are indeed proven true, I firmly believe that prosecutors should charge his parents and/or guardians with child endangerment. What kind of parents would let their child sleep over, in the same bed, with a 40-something man with a history of molestation accusations? What kind of parents would let their kid, as the parents of the victim did, appear on a documentary with this same 40-something man holding hands?

Holy crap! You have got to be kidding me!!!

This is all soooo stupid. Michael Jackson's stupid! The parents are stupid! The protestors who put their faith in Michael Jackson because "Billy Jean" touched them in some profound way or whatever are stupid! And I won't even go into what the woman/women who had Michael Jackson's children are. (I have one comment, however: ewwwwwwwww!)

OK. Whew. I have that off my chest now. I feel better. I promise to never bring up the Michael Jackson case again, because it couldn't POSSIBLY get stupider.

Could it?

Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan in exile in Arizona who is embarrassed for his home state of Nevada because Michael Jackson has a HOME there, in Las Vegas. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.

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