I've been in a really crappy mood for the last week, and I'll tell you why my underwear has been in such a figurative bunch: Those bastards canceled "Sports Night."
"Sports Night," for those of you who don't know, *WAS* a show that aired on ABC until last week. Last week's episode, which was the season finale, also turned out to be the series finale, at least as far as the cretins at ABC are concerned. Last week, they announced the show was not on the fall schedule; in its place, the network's head goobers decided that America needed a fourth weekly hour of Regis Philbin.
Let me say that I love "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," but the country needs another hour of Regis and this show like the country needs Bill Clinton to get another pudgy intern.
Anyway, "Sports Night" is a terrific show, not that very many people know that; on average, the number of people who speak at Sparks City Council meetings about aliens eating children is larger than the number of people who watched "Sports Night." Oh, well.
Because of that minor, minor fact, ABC dumped the show. However, there are rumors that another network, possibly HBO, may pick up the show, which is a comedy/drama that takes place on the set of an ESPN SportsCenter-like show.
If HBO picked up, it would make the show different, because then they could use swear words and show nudity. The difference could be quite interesting.
"Sports Night" dialog on ABC:
Dan: The Angels beat the Twins, 4-3 last night.
Casey: The Angels? Aren't they owned by Disney, just like ABC?
Dan: That's correct. And we love ABC...
Dana: Forget it guys. They just canceled our show.
Casey: Well, HECK!
"Sports Night" dialog on HBO:
Dan: The Angels beat the Twins, 4-3 last night.
Casey: The (bad word)ing Angels? Aren't they owned by Disney, just like those (really bad word)ers ABC?
Dan: (Extremely bad word). That's right. (Graphic description of an act between Mickey Mouse and Michael Eisner.)
Carrie (from "Sex in the City," appearing topless): Hey, we can get some guys from "The Sopranos" to take care of those (bad word, plural) at ABC.
Casey: Well, (really bad word) (sort of bad word)ing (another bad word)ers!
Anyway, all my crankiness over this one show got me thinking: Why do we get so dang involved in TV series like this? There are people, most of them in need of some serious medication, who are just devastated because "Beverly Hills 90210" is going off the air. I mean, this outpouring of emotion makes no sense--even in the case of a good show like "Sports Night."
In the last year, assuming that I have watched all 22 or 23 new episodes of "Sports Night," I have spent a mere 11 1/2 hours, tops, watching the show, counting the commercials. And when I found out that this show may not be a part of my life anymore, I was ticked to the point that I exposed my co-workers to random outbursts of expletives for three full days.
Meanwhile, I can go for months without talking to some of my best friends, and I hardly notice. How messed up am I?
While the answer to that question is debatable, it is not negotiable that most all of us feel this way about certain shows--when they go away, we go nuts. Heck, there are people out there who are besides themselves with grief because David Hasselhoff left "Baywatch," for pete's sake.
TV just has a powerful hold on us. Why? I don't know.
But if you'll excuse me, though, I have to go now. I need to go cry, because there isn't going to be a new episode of "Ally McBeal" on for at least four months. And after that, I've got to call and get HBO hooked up.
(Very bad word.)
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who is distraught at the fact that we're coming up on Summer rerun season--meaning he'll actually have to turn off the TV, go outside and do something. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, and he can be reached via e-mail at jiboegle@stanfordalumni.org.