OAKLAND, Calif. -- Abner Doubleday -- the supposed inventor of baseball -- surely must have been rolling in his grave after this one.
It's Monday, and I have just had the pleasure of witnessing the Oakland Athletics defeat the Boston Red Sox, 12-11 in 10 innings. For some messed-up reason, the crowd -- or, I should say gathering, as only 8,221 showed up -- at this game primarily consisted of two groups: Red Sox fans and middle-schoolers.
Man, I wish I had gone to middle school in Northern California. I went to one of those weird middle schools, where we actually had classes and worked and stuff. Of course, where I went to middle school, we also had my art teacher and the principal get arrested within several weeks of each other for various sex-related crimes. But that is a topic for a whole different column.
Anyway, these middle-schoolers at the ballpark gave the whole game a feeling of being in some sort of lame horror movie, because the middle schoolers did not "cheer." They screamed, as if they were genuinely frightened by anything that happened.
Announcer: Now batting, first baseman, Jason Giambi.
Crowd: AAAAAAIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!
No, it was not exactly a prototypical major league baseball game. When I think of baseball, I tend to imagine sunny, warm beautiful days at the ballpark where vendors are selling Cracker Jacks. On this day, it was cloudy with rain sprinkles and temperatures barely reaching the 50s, and the vendors apparently on crack.
It seemed everything was just a little off and twilight-zonish today --especially the various ballpark vendors. Please note:
-- On this cold day, the first several vendors that passed us were selling lemonade and snow cones. However, later on, one lemonade vendor passed by, yelling that he was selling whiskey sours. Keep in mind, there were middle-schoolers everywhere. It was quite special.
-- The guy selling ropes, I honestly believe, was under the influence of some very funky substance. He had problems walking and yelling the word "ropes."
-- One vendor, a woman, wore a big button right over her bosom area with the word "squishy" on it. I think she was selling something like slurpees, but the placement of that button had some of the guys in the crowd -- and, I am guessing, some of the middle schoolers -- chuckling wildly.
-- Finally, the vendor selling the big foam "#1" fingers, right in front of us, dropped a finger. And then he said a very bad word.
Even the game itself was messed up. The first inning was highlighted when the A's third baseman, Olmedo Saenz, dropped a routine pop-up with two men on that would have been the third out of the inning. A batter later, a back-up catcher for the Red Sox named -- seriously -- Creighton Gubanich hit a grand slam for his first major league hit.
My friend Jeremy, a big A's fan who I went to the game with, then said a very bad word. Several of them, in fact.
The Red Sox at one point led 7-0. The A's then came back and were down only 8-6, but then the Red Sox scored three more runs to take a 11-6 lead.
It was truly looking bad for the A's. But frankly, Jeremy and I were paying little attention to the game this point. We were too busy watching the sideshow provided by the various middle schoolers and vendors.
Jeremy and I thought this exchange, between one of the middle schoolers and a vendor selling sodas, was particularly fascinating:
Middle schooler: How much for the sodas?
Vendor: Three dollars.
Middle schooler (with a very sarcastic look on his face): No, for reals, how much?
Vendor : (remains silent, but obviously thinking of a very bad word)
Then, Jeremy and I decided to fill out the all-star game ballot. We did two: one as a joke, and another being serious. Needless to say, Jeremy and I felt the need to write in Darryl Strawberry (recently arrested on cocaine and soliciting a prostitute charges) on the joke one.
But in the eighth inning, Jeremy and I had our attention jolted back to the field because the A's mounted a rally. They scored four in the inning --having the last out occur on a play at the plate. We jumped to our feet in the ninth, when A's outfielder Matt Stairs homered to tie it.
We then went nuts in the 10th, when the A's got the bases loaded. Red Sox pitcher Tim Harikkala then proceeded to -- in a fitting end to the day -- lose all control and walk in the winning run.
Me (thrilled): Yes!
Jeremy (overjoyed): A's win!
Middle-schoolers (thrilled, we think): AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGH!
And then, I presume, the Red Sox players all said very bad words.
Jimmy Boegle is a fifth-generation Nevadan who is enjoying his vacation. Jimmy's column appears here Tuesdays, assuming he decides to return home.