Almost a year and a half has passed since my last session of CTY. It seems hard to believe its been that long. As much as things have changed, I know I can count on some things to be the same. I know that no matter what may happen over the next couple years, I'll still have in my heart that place to go back to. Those sessions of memories, that may fade, but will never disapeer, no matter how long its been.

When I look at this webpage, I can see how much I've changed. I look at the first things I ever wrote, and see how much my writing and my ability to communicate has improved. I look at the memories, and see as I got older, that I still remembered to be a kid. I look at myself, and know that I became a better and stronger person than I ever knew I could be.

I sometimes tend to wonder what CTY is like for them now. Did you ever get that feeling that you expierianced the last of the great years? ::shrugs:: Maybe I'm just weird. But I know, even though I act selfish like that sometimes, that I'm wrong. In fact, there are thousands of webpages devoted to CTY to show just how wrong I am. Granted, they dont say my name, or even probably know who I am. What they do say, however, is more important. They write memories, and stories, put up pictures and passionfruits. Its a testimony to the fact that CTY made us who we are, and that it still continues to make them who they are.

I remember sitting at Passionfruit in Hartman Green early that Friday morning. I had been bugging a certain person to sign my memory book, for days, and as we were having yet another good natured argument, I heard someone from across the circle say, "To the RA's of 2003. You all better come back". I smiled and knew that I'd be back. But when it came time for one of the RA's that had been a CTYer before to toast and drink, he said something that hit every one of us to the core. "Everybody wants to come back and RA, its always said, because we're scared that if we dont come back some how, we'll lose that feeling. I came back in search of that, hoping I'd find what I lad lost the past couple of years, but I couldn't. Its hard to come back, and know you cant really be a part of it anymore. You grew up... you grew away. But in spite of this, I came back, and I urge each of you to as well. Because there's a loop hole somewhere, you just have to find it." Once I thought about it, I knew he was right.

Someone once laughed at me when I said I thought about CTY alot. I didn't understand why it was so funny. CTY had become a part of my life. I talked to the friends I made there often online. I used what I had learned there in the classroom in my courses here, and I've tried to become the person I was there. CTY was as much a part of me as I was of it. The thought of people knowing who I was there, without me knowing them was kind of scary. For the first time in my life, I felt like that's where people wanted me. They weren't spreading rumors about me; they were telling me that they had heard good things about me, and wanted to get to know me. I never knew what that was like. It felt really good. Maybe that's why i struggled to keep CTY in my life. Because for once in my life, things made sense, and they felt right there. Call me crazy.

A year and a half is a really long time. I was telling Adam just last night, how sometimes it feels like we only left two days ago, and sometimes it feels like it was two lifetimes ago, and that's hard. It'd be nice to have it back for just a day or two, you know? I think most of the nomores, or nevermores, or whatever you prefer to call them, understand what i'm saying. There are the reunions, but I'm talking about a day on campus, just to be 15 again. Time really flies, whether you see that or not. That's why sometimes its just nice to look back. ::smiles::