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A great visualization exercise is to imagine these subpersonalities as little children. When you have conflicting feelings, hold one with each hand and allow them to have a dialogue; let each of them talk. You, being the adult, will help them work it out and search for a compromise that will work for both.
I always have to reach a compromise between my impulsive, "devil may care" subpersonality and my conservative, miserly and frugal subpersonality. One part of me says, "Wouldn't it be great fun to buy an Amtrak ticket and bum around the country for couple of months or go on a two week retreat in India?" The other part of me says, "What about the expense? Is that what you really want to do? Do you want to do that or do you want to take a vacation with Kathy and if not, why not?" This calls for a dialogue with my subpersonalities to discover what I really want. It's like saying, "OK, kids, lets stop fighting, be more grown up and work this thing out."
You don't want to have negative beliefs about any of your subpersonalities. At one time they might have been acting in your best interests and still might be trying to protect you in some way. You have to listen to them with an open mind and see what they have to say.
For me, the lesson I learned early in life was not to trust, and to fend for myself. That was valid as a child because I had two alcoholic parents. Circumstances have changed. I now have a wife that not only cares for me but also is a person that I love to travel with. So it's in my best interest to overcome my lone wolf tendencies and to trust and travel with my wife.
When I listen to all my subpersonalities, I come from a place of greater understanding and make better and healthier decisions.
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