lLaying down in (broken by) sun shine. Mending an ill in the digestive Tractatus. poison enamel cutting still into my wristflesh, pondering specific locales and temporalities. There is a wetness under persecution here, something being summoned gingerly to the gallows, struck by bellows, bright and angry.
shift, recompense.
enamoured with this blue that performs its filtering task all too poorly and serves me up wholesale. in between moths, butterflies, hummingburds, boards shadeless and withering, strident and complicated. Resurfaced with eyeshutters shaking, timorous fibers wakening and delicate tricking sound issuing from chimes, cas(ket)cading about Me. MeMe. who? everybody else but this self, i'm yelling at all of you battling this proximity that binds me back, retracts all my statements and permits nothing. Summons for an itch: testify on tuesday. Not before then. Play back that glorious mantra for perpetuity, for the ancients, for the progeny. squeal in disbelief and relief. ////
An uncanny notion, screams the crow. Un-canny. canned sideways and uncomfortable blurring rest;ess arousal; an emptiness that guards against speaking to, spoken to, denigrated. Destined to + doomed to write my lived body + in love, painfully, with all and none of it. Sick of saying nothing, sick of denying and denigrating self and truth, sick with relativism + lost without relatives, contour relations, destinations, infestations. Wander me into those traps, lead me lop-sided, demon faith-i need to resurrect you. Let me taste you again. Naively. let me split up into particles and explore the needed space, seeping out particularly fluid, expansive and absorbed. Brownian motion sickness. Belabor this all again so i can look and see something horrifying--the furtive forest wood church that captures my familiars and (to/nu-)rtures them before moving on. the smell of its cornstalks and waterfalls--something horribly, uniquely, damningly mine own. Dragging on the sagboards and whispering away under the heatlamp, damp + in retreat.
-san pedro, 7/13/99
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