Introduction

Since last September we have been looking at the ministry of all God's people. Last fall, we saw that ministry in the church is not restricted to the ordained, but the gift and responsibility of every Christian. Since January, we have been looking at every Christian's ministry outside the church. This is the third in our current series of sermons on how we minister through our relationships and situations in life. Today: Making a difference in God's world through being single.

Now, some of you might be thinking, "Isn't it a little odd to be discussing singleness on Trinity Sunday! After all - "Holy, Holy, Holy, God in three persons, blessed Trinity"! If God isn't single, why should we be celebrating singleness! I hope to answer this objection later. In addition, others may be feeling, "Well, I'm not single, how can this apply to me?" Well, first of all, about 60% of our parish households are single people - either unmarried, never-married, widowed or divorced, so it is of significance to many here. Secondly, as I hope you will see, singles and marrieds have a responsibility to one another for the kingdom of God to grow, so it is important for people in both situations to be aware of the other.

Now, as I hope you have noticed, preachers in this series have had some experience with the topic they are addressing. We had a mother speak on Mother's Day, a father will address us on being a father, a married person will speak about marriage and today - a single person is speaking about being single! Now, even though I have been single for fifty years, I don't think I have got singleness all worked it out, yet! I don't know if I ever will if I continue in this state. But I do have some insights "from the inside" so to speak", and I hope they will be helpful. As I looked at the topic, and heard people comment upon it with anticipation, I realized there is far more than we can deal with in a short sermon. Even though I want us to look at opportunities for ministry in being single, I will touch on some of the difficulties and struggles that come along with it. If people would like to see this topic dealt with more at length, please let me know. One suggestion is that some might like to discuss the topic in one of our new small groups developing. There are many helpful resources, especially in the Serendipity Bible that has just come to our attention. Today, though, we are just going to scratch the surface of how we can make a difference for God through being single.

The Singles Scene

Singleness is something we all experience. The single state is either temporary or permanent. People are single for a variety of reasons: not yet married, death, divorce, separation, emotional or physical disability, lack of opportunity, or choice.

Many see singleness as a curse! Their daily prayer is "Dear God, please don't let me remain single!" Their daily fear is that God's answer will be in the negative and they will be "doomed" to singleness for ever. How can we speak of the single state in a positive sense? Now, this general aversion to singleness is shared by God as stated in Genesis 2: "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." (vs. 18) This aversion to being alone is built into us and I believe it comes from our being made in the image of God himself. God is not a unitary being - he is one God is three persons. Now this is not easy to understand, because we do not experience a community of three persons so at one with each other that they are a unity. The closest we have is the human family. Another way of seeing that God has to be more than one person is by asking the question: How can God be love if he is purely one? How could he be love if he had no one to love before we came along! Because he has been love from the very beginning, long before us or any other created being, love had to exist within himself. His very nature requires he be community rather than unitary. Jesus and the Holy Spirit have revealed God's nature as community and love. Now the church is the demonstration of that new community created through the death and resurrection of Jesus and brought into being by the Holy Spirit. In one sense, we are an extension of God. We have been adopted into his family (Romans 8:15). We reflect the love and unity of God; Jesus prays in John 17 (21) " that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." Where do we experience that unity in community? - in the body of Christ, the church.

Singles in the Church

It is through being set in the context of the community of the church that the pain of singleness can be alleviated and its benefits achieved. First, because the deep aloneness we all feel is not that sense of being alone that Adam had in the Garden of Eden. Our deep sense of loneliness is because of our being cut off from God. In my interviews with people who have been divorced, I have discovered that one of the reasons marriages fail is that people are looking to their partner for that need which only a relationship with God can fill. Unless you deal with this basic need, any future marriage will have within it the seeds of failure. Jesus spoke of this deeper need when he met the woman at the well in Samaria. (John 4) She had had five husbands and she was still alone. "Our wholeness is found in Christ, not in marriage or any other relationship"

But having said this, God has designed the normal need for human companionship for those who are single to be met in the church. He is "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,... God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing." (Psalm 68: 5-6). You might say God has a special concern for the lonely. Jesus emphasized this when told that his family was waiting for him outside: "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Pointing to his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." (Matt. 12:48-50) Even on the cross he had concern for the single when he set his mother in a new family: "When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:26-27). In Paul's letters to the churches, he treats them as families in which both the married and unmarried are joined as one family. For example, in his advice to Timothy he says, "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters" (1 Tim. 5:1-2).It is in the context of the church where singles can find their needs for companionship met and thus have a base for the unique ministry we can have. In our final moments, we will look at what that ministry is: both of singles and to singles.

The Ministry of Singles

To look at the ministry of singles, we begin with Jesus; after all, Jesus was single. Not having family responsibilities, he was free to give his time and energy to a wider circle. These areas are obviously the greatest asset of singleness. Jesus said that he had come not "to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45). We are all called to service - to minister in this world. For those who are married, the call is first to their spouses and children - which we will hear about next week. This is an essential calling and service. But to those who are called to be single - and it is a calling - either permanently or temporarily - we are called to serve in a wider capacity. One important area today with the tragedy of broken families is the need for surrogate grandparents or uncles and aunts for the young and not-so-young. I know God has used me and others in this area. In considering God's opportunity to serve, a good question for those contemplating marriage or bemoaning their unmarried state is: "Would getting married have a positive or negative effect on your servanthood?" Or, "Your widowhood may have brought you great grief, but can you also rejoice in the service you are now able to give, and perhaps even see it as honouring the gifts you received from your loved one which you can now share with a wider company?"

Another ministry of singles is to be an example to the rest of society. More people today are single and making serious errors in judgment when it comes to relationships. Because we aim not to get involved in a series of dead-end alliances nor seek our fulfillment primarily in another human, the Christian single can stand as a beacon of light in the maze of distorted relationships. In this way we can benefit the whole of society - not to stand in judgment or condemnation but as a model of hope. Another benefit of being single is that it gives more time to pray and study God's word, to receive training and learn more skills. Jesus was freer to pray and prayed alone often. (e.g. Mark 1:35). But he also knew the pain of being alone under pressure in those times. In the Garden of Gethsemane (Mark 14: 32-42), he needed his friends to support him at that time but they failed. In his aloneness, he asked God to take away the pain of the cross to come, but the answer was no. Now we may ask God to take away the pain of being single, but are we willing to hear his answer "No - but I have something else in mind for you - painful though it may be, but it will be of great benefit to others" Perhaps we reply, "My Spirit is willing to be single but my "body" would rather not"! Jesus knew what it is like to be alone when facing temptations in the wilderness after his baptism (Matt. 3:13-4:11) Temptations are often heightened when you are alone - temptations to self-pity, depression, sexual temptation, workaholism or other addictions to fill loneliness with things not designed to fill that void. Jesus had to battle these just as we do. We need help in the struggle of being alone.

The Ministry to Singles

This is where we look at ministry to singles. Jesus' support system involved having friends he could relax and spend time with. Martha and Mary and Lazarus were such friends. He gathered around him the twelve and often took the inner circle of the three on special ministry projects (Peter, James, John). WE can do the same. I have been blessed in my ministry by having families or couples I can go to and share and unwind. Have those of you in families considered adopting a single person as a alternate uncle or grandmother? I know some families here do, and it is a wonderful ministry to the single people they draw in as well as an opportunity for the singles to minister within their family situation. This is most healthy and a practical outworking of the spiritual reality of us as the family of God. After all, we will be together for eternity as one great big family, so we better get used to it now!

Another way the wider church can help is the need for physical contact. This is where the hug comes in. Humans are designed to be held and touched - this is one of the reasons people get involved in unhealthy relationships as singles - not because of sexual needs, but non-erotic physical needs. Sexual temptation is strong, but there is such a thing as a non-sexual embrace. We have to be careful about this, and make sure we have people's permission to hug them before we do. However, I have seen how important it is to so many in our congregation, of all ages and backgrounds. Some people have a special ministry of hugs and this is one way of ministering to singles, and others for that matter! One of our parishioners, Jane Wigglesworth, informs me that we need a minimum of four hugs per day, eight for maintenance and twelve for growth. She shared with me the following article, whose author is unknown, entitled What's So Great About Hugs and with this very practical description of how we might minister to singles, I will end: There's no such thing as a bad hug, only good ones and great ones. They are not fattening and they don't cause cancer or cavities. They are all-natural with no preservatives, artificial ingredients or pesticide residue. They are cholesterol-free, naturally sweet, a hundred percent wholesome and they are a completely renewable natural resource. They don't require batteries, tune-ups or X-rays. They are non-taxable, fully returnable and energy-efficient. They are safe in all kinds of weather; in fact they are especially good for cold or rainy days. And they are especially effective in treating problems like bad dreams or the Monday blahs. Never wait until tomorrow to hug someone you could hug today.