CAT Tracks for January 12, 2003 AREA 51 (AKA...EMERSON ELEMENTARY)

DISCLAIMER: The following article addresses a couple of serious issues in a manner that would be termed "dark humor" or "gallows humor". However, the Association does NOT take these matters lightly. (For instance, several people STILL suffer physical ailments directly related to repeated exposure to toxic fumes during the re-roofing project at Cairo High School.) The approach used in the article is simply characteristic of the defensive mechanism that we are many times forced to employ as we face yet another crisis in CSD #1. Rest assured that the Association is staying on top of these issues, making certain that proper steps are taken to address the health and safety of employees and students.

Now, for the article...

Doo Dee, Doo Dee, Doo Dee, Doo Dee...

As you read the above, you were supposed to be reminded of the old Twilight Zone theme...a constant refrain whenever we think of the latest goings-on..."Look...up ahead...there's a sign post on the right...it's Cairo School District Number One!"

All right...enough of the intro...on with the show!

This correspondent paid a brief visit to Emerson Elementary on Friday. Upon entering the building, the first hint that something was not right...a foul odor wafting through the hallways. Now, in the movies, such an assault on the nostrils usually precedes the appearance of some malevolent being. No such apparition was spotted...no "blob" came rolling down the hallway as I turned the corner. However, there WAS evidence of a possible return of "toxic mold". After being eradicated (we hope!) during a long and costly battle at the high school a few years back, it seems that a leaky pipe has enabled its return to a classroom or two at Emerson. Industrial fans were hard at work trying to dry it out, but as we have learned from past experience, a dry mold is still a deadly animal! In fact the mold may even travel more easily...especially with the "wind beneath its wings". Fortunately, the administration has reportedly called in the "military" (aka the Public Health Department) and the threat should soon be eradicated!

But...can you give me another refrain of "doo dee, doo dee, doo dee, doo dee"...

Although there was no malevolent apparition, a strange sight did catch this observer's eye...teachers seen whispering into devices dangling around their necks...with booming voices emitting from the far reaches of the classroom! Students seemed to experience strange fits of twitching...as they reacted to the disembodied voice...trying to decide what direction to focus their attention...on the teacher or the voice!

(How about a short intermission or commercial break...a "pause for the cause"...'cause you are entitled to a brief explanation. Apparently, in a year characterized by educational changes prompted by declining test scores, audio enhancement equipment has been provided though JAMP for use at Emerson Elementary. Speaker systems have been installed in the classrooms and teachers are literally "wired for sound"...speaking into wireless microphones as they instruct students. Well, hey, speaking as a high school teacher, I know I could use some audio enhancement...although I was thinking more along the lines of a bullhorn!)

But...enough of that! We return now for the conclusion of our feature presentation!

If this movie were being made at the high school...the windowless working environment always brings thoughts of "mining" to mind...one of the main "characters" would be a canary. (Gosh, I wish we had had one back in '99 when they gassed us!) But...this is Emerson Elementary where windows abound. So...in the final scene, as the children innocently nap on the floor, the camera slowly pans to a corner of the classroom where a cute and cuddly creature sits quietly in its cage. As the video slowly zooms in on the little gerbil, our eye is captured by a glint of red near its ear. That wouldn't be blood would it...?