MATH HUMOR

Top Ten excuses for not doing Maths homework

  1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
  2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
  3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
  4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
  5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
  6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
  7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
  8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
  9. I took time out to snack a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
  10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

Quick Mathematics Jokes

  • 97.3% of all statistics are made up.
  • There are three kinds of mathematicians: those who can count and those who cannot.
  • Ya' hear about the geometer who went to the beach to catch the rays and became a tangent?
  • My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right.
  • Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.
  • A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
  • A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.

    Riddles

    Q. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
    A. Probably....
    Q. "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?
    A. Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule."
    Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
    A. You can't do that. A mountain climber is a scalar.
    Q. Why did the cat fall off the roof?
    A. Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)
    Q. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
    A. A HIGH-POT-IN-USE
    Q. What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
    A. Zorn's Lemon.
    Q. What's purple and commutes?
    A. An abelian grape.
    Q. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
    A. That's the Law of Spline Demand.
    Q. What's nonorientable and lives in the sea?
    A. Mobius Dick.

    Longer Maths Joke

    A mathematician, a physicist, a computer scientist and an engineer are given an identical problem: Prove that all odd numbers greater than 2 are prime numbers. They proceed:

    Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime - counterexample - claim is false.

    Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime, ...

    Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime, ...

    Computer Scientist: 1 is a prime, 1 is a prime, 1 is a prime, 1 is a prime, ... Yes, they're all primes.

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