ENLIGHTMENT QUIZ
The following is a rest of your level of enlightnment. Score one point for each correct answer, subtract one point for each wrong answer.Add your total number of right answers to the total number of wrong answers, divide by the total number of questions on the test, then wonder why you've tried to follow it this far.
Select the answer which best completes the following statements:
| 1. Yin and ......... | A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang |
|---|---|
| 2. A Zen koan is ........ | A) Jewish Buddist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above |
| 3. Just before total God-realization I would see....... | A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know? |
| 4) Lao-Tsu is...... |
A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) One of the above |
| 5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become....... | A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atmnn Brithers
C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr & Mrs Atman |
| 6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru And Self is....... |
A) Oneness B) Twoness
C) Penpalness D) Just good friends |
| 7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord? | A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston |
| 8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get....... | A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn |
| 9) Carlos Castaneda is: | A) a flamingo dancer B) A resort near San Juan
C) The 2nd baseman for The LA Dodgers D) The gutarist for Santana |
| 10) Om Mani Padme means: | A) O manny, pardon my home B) Money talks, nobody walks in Sanskrit
C) It u cn rd ths msg u cn Gt a gd jb D) Never having to say you're Sorry |
| 11) The sound of one hand clapping is: | A) Very quiet B) similar to smiling with one lip
C) A Zen record shop D) Like the "p" in swimming |
| 12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to : | A) Eenie meenie B) Halloweenie C) Harry Houdini D) Pepto Bismol (this is a silly answer) |
| 13) The Tao Te Ching is: | A) The new premier of China B) A new record by Cheech and Chong
C) I Ching's older brother D) A massage parlor in Tokyo |
| 14) You arrive at a party and your host says, "Far out, I want to take the responsibility for creating space in your universe so you can experience your experience." He means: | A) "Have a good time" B) "Don't eat the Sweedish meatballs"
C) "I just completed est training" D) Nothing anyone would understand |
| 15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how many devotes would it take to mow the lawn? | |
| 16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned devo- tees would it take to meditate until nobody cared? | |
| 17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of 3.5 pranayamas per second, and at the same time an energy force was traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of 4.8 pranayams per second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in Los Angles? | |
| True-False | |
| _______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and maple flavoring. | |
| _______Satori is better than nirnana and samadhi except on weekends and holodays. | |
| _______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only rounder. | |
| _______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Harold Robbins. | |
Score
0-5 points: You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and death. Try again next incarnation!
6-10 points You are largely unconscious and stuck in worldly pleasures
10-15 points You are so-so on the enlightment scale. Keep reading the New Sun.
15-20 points You are a very conscious being; with a little good karma you could go a long way.
20-25 points You are very close to God-realization--early November at the latest.
