| LIFE 101 |
| The Thoughts of Children |
| 1-16-97, age 10 "I keep remebering how much I have even though I thought I had so little. I thought my life was such a bore when really my childhood was most exciting of many. Sorry, diary, I just realized my childhood will end soon, (3 years away) but for the first time I think it's coming early. How could I have been so foolish to let my time go by so quickly? I did have many excitements, some such as my expiriance with AJ that I had wasted by being the fool I am, and the cherished moments with my dad that I had wasted with believing that he would never leave. I'll probably be over this by tomorrow...." 8-16-98, age 12 "My life is so confusing lately, everything is changing, and my understanding is getting larger at the same time that I am having such doubts of what I once fett so strongly about before." 8-30-98, age 12 "Really special people have been saying that I am special, like psycics. Sandra the psycic said, 'You already know that you are... "Special"?' She really is for real, because it was right after I found out how to create life with my mind! I think she knew! I think something 'special' happened to my spirit, as I realized that everything about me is ideal. Well, I am going to go create Atlantis2, as I call it. It will be located at 32, 40. (I'm going to test and see if I can influence the physical world, too)." 1-27-99, age 12 "Today has been one of the best days of my life. I learned a lot about self-confidance. I learned that others have the same insecurities that I do. [Symbol] is now my new symbol for all those inexplicable emotions that come all at once when you think of something inconcievable to the human dictionary." 6-21-99, age 13 "I sure have changed a lot from when I was a few years younger. I am also so much more innocent in spirit now, not as vulgar. Angelins is not doing well, they have gone underground in their world, and many people 'died' on the journey. I know it's my fault, because I let mechworld take the entrance ring from me (I shouldn't have left it near the gateway that was left open for them into our world), and now it has all been destroyed, completely destroyed. Lizzy was told to rule. She, I believe, is also dead now in this world, and so are her people. I cannot return ever again, for I have let all perish. Back to reality, though, I must not linger on the rhelm of the spirit world.I cannot find anyone male who understands me, but alas, I am young, and I have far pleanty of time." 7-23-99, age 13 "Life is a conspiricy. I'm not sure what the purpose or ulterior motive behind it all is, but I think I finally figured out what is going on. So much doubt fulls my intuition. Something is changing those around me, and that he/she/it has the power to manipulate emotions, and therefore actions. No purpose of such mental ridicule is apperent to me at the moment, and I see that I can do nothing to stop it." 8-?-99, age 13 "Much has changed since I last wrote. I have been changed for the better. I have much more knowledge than only months ago. [Life] is so complicated now. You (though I suppose I mean I), will have to recall with clues, as it should be, from here on out.I have finally defined love, though I still have my petty crushes..." 12-2-99, age 13 "Damn all creation (dear Lord, please do not take this litterally)! I slightly desire, and I recieve. I crave and nothing comes to me. You know what I want? I want a telescope right now, hehe." "Enough of these simple, wordy, uncomprehendable diary entries. Today I will explain everything. Lately I have felt happy, peaceful, and loved. Men lately have given me challenge. As you know, diary, I love the thrill of the chase the best, even more than the devouring of my easy prey. Anyways, I have strayed. I am far more intelligent and scientific than this simple writing could ever lead anyone to expect from me. My mind has much larger, higher thinking than this book allows to be recorded." 5-6-00, age 14 "There was a planitary allignment last night at 1:08 AM (the time of my birth). Nostradames predicted, as says the news, that the world would end yesterday, which it didn't. Some experts are saying that we aren't safe until May 18th. Personally, I would be rather disappointed if I died. I have much in mind for the future of human-kind. I still remember writing to whichever spirit I was talking with at the time and coming to the conclusion that the world would end in three waves, and the last would not originate from humans (or was that heavens) or Earth. I saw the end in my dreams, and it was not attractive... People burning before my eyes... I dreamed of nothing but the end for weeks..." "I was playing Myst a bit ago. It reminded me of how much I miss Angelins and how I long to be in a world so simple and pure. I'm not sure what became of it. But, now I don't know if it was all just a child's fantacy or a real world. No one would understand. Maybe it was just a fantacy. 5-25-00, age 14 "I have undergone dramatic changes. My apperance shows my physical changes, but I have gone throuh many more mental changes, and I find myself alone. I have 'grown' to match my mentors, and to fall beyong my weaker opponents. But, I have a way to go, and I look forward with watchful eyes to what the future might hold in store." 11-16-00, age 14 "It's been more than four years that I have kept this diary. As I look back on each day that I have writeen an entry, a smile comes to my face, or at least a memory. I think that this diary really shows how I've grown over the years. It's hard to watch how the time passes by. It's made me see how important each moment really is. I've seen how different people are, and how they all react to different situations. I've seen how I am one of those many different people. I was always worried what other people would think of thie things they read in this book, if they would understand what I was saying, and if they would misjudge me. But, I suppose it really shows me what I am afraid of for myself, because when I think about it, I am the only one who should and would ever read these words. I haven't been writing to another person, I've been writing to my future self. Every day, I see how much my views on life are changing, and everyday I'm learning and discovering more about myself. I'm finally starting to see myself as me, and not just a few bits of a biological mix. There is much more to life than just existance. The mind truely is a wonderful thing. I'm glad that I can finally see that. We take so much in the world for granted. But, now I'm starting to see. There is much more to life than I ever before could have imagined. Now, if I could hold onto these thoughts forever, I'd have uninterrurpted peace of mind. The only way to do that is to overcome my fear of rejection and of being misjudged, and then I will have the power to hold firmly onto my beliefs and succeed in bettering my life. I've learned what it takes is simply self-realization, will, drive, focus, and most of all, wisdom. |
| Clips from my diary that I kept from ages 10-14.... |