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NOTE: This application will be incomplete
and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH______________ HEIGHT______ WEIGHT______ IQ__________GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES ___________ HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________
ZIP_____ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?____________________
If NO, please explain _________________________ Number of years they have been married ____________________
If less than your age, explain ________________________
Do you own a van? ________ A truck with oversized
tires?___________ A waterbed? ________ A pickup with a mattress
in the back? ________ A condom? _________ Pornography? _____ Do
you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _________ A tattoo?
___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES) In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to
you?__________________ In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH
MY DAUGHTER mean to you? ________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE
mean to you? _________________________________________________________ Church you attend ________How often you attend__________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? ________mother? ______priest? _______
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer
freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the last place I would
want shot would be: B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would
want broken is my: C: A woman's place is in the: D: The one thing I hope this application does
not ask me about is: E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice
about her first is: NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.
Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion
is advised. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ____________________ What is the current going rate of a hotel
room? Condoms come in packages of (circle one) A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE
IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,
DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN INDIAN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION,
CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _______________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back). |