There once was a Bobbit name John
Who thought he was quite the Don Juan
His wife disagreed
So the next time he wee'd
John couldn't locate his wand.
Lorena wished John could be nicer
But he wasn't much of a de-icer
If she finds a new spouse
Let us hope he's no louse
Or we might have our first serial slicer.
Big John Bobbit might have been hipper
Had he kept his hot hands from his zipper
but to his wifey's dismay
Big John leaped to the fray
The results would have pleased Jack the Ripper.
A surgeon was filled with great tension
Trying to sew on a thing we can't mention
He stitched and he sewed
Used all the skills that he knowed
But the wee thing won't stand at attention.
John Bobbit was never a loner
In fact, he was known as a roamer
His wife seized his prize
And cut him to size
Now he is his own organ donor.
There was once a crime most venal
One might say 'twas inches from renal
It wasn't for sport
That she made him so short
Her intentions were nothing penal.
The Bobbit case sure is a dilly
Though it sounds a little bit silly
He said she's the hacker
Who lopped off his whacker
She said she was only trying to Free Willy.
There once was a man from Manasses
Who was fond of sleeping with lasses
His wife had enough
So she chopped off his stuff
Now let's see him try to make passes.
Theres once was a lady named Bobbit
Who got so fed up that she lopped it
She said, "I'm sorry, honey,
But your conduct's not funny,"
And she very efficiently stopped it.
There once was a place in Virginia
Where a gal snipped it off like a zinnia
She whipped back the sheets
Ignored his sad bleats
And attacked like a professional ninja.
John Bobbit's detractors will scoff
For it seems the judgement's been soft
He's been retrofitted
And now he's acquitted
That's the last time he ever gets off.