Men's Rules For Women
1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the
toilet
up when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to
include
something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat,
Fried, Beer,
and Red.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the
fine
bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins
deserving your contempt.
5. Shopping is not fascinating.
6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he
is only
joking.
1.Unless the answer is yes.
2.In which case, can he videotape it?
3.If you really want a nice guy, stop dating
good-looking assholes.
7. The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or
tending the grill.
8. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across
the room
is not funny.
9. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
10. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie
Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with
roughly
the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant
when it
walks for the first time.
11. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
12. He heard you the first time.
13. You know, you can ask him out too... Let's spread the rejection
around a
little.
14. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really
want the
answer to.
15. Of course he wants another beer.
16. The guy doesn't always have to sleep on the wet spot.
17. Dogs good. Cats bad.
18. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
19. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit
through
"Showgirls".
20. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
21. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by
suggesting he
stop for directions.
22. He was not looking at that other girl.
1.Well, okay... maybe a little.
2.Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal.
Like
you never looked at
another guy...
23. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man
you
have ever met.
1. And all your friends think so too.
2. Especially the cute ones.
24. Your (select appropriate item:)
butt/boobs/hair/make-up/legs
look fine.
As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
25. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will never fake an
orgasm.
26. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual
flow with
him.
27. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if
left in
the shower.
28. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
29. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells
fine, Looks
fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it,
do
not try to disrupt piles organised in this manner.
30. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier
than you.
Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking
than
him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these
people, love the one you're with.
31. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of
them all.
32. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer
gut/impossibly
thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
33. Don't hog the covers.
34. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait
until the
halftime show to act upon that...
35. He does not just want to be friends.
36. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the
sentence:
"You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay
here having
freaky circus sex all night?"
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