By Irysa RavenForest (irysa@hotmail.com). Special thanks to the Witches Voice for finding this gem.

• If casting the circle changes an (int) to a (float)....
• If drawing down a circle is a POST (power on self test)....
• If erecting the temple entails formatting more than 4 disks....
• If passing the cakes and ale entails using a /me command....
• If the address of your covenstead begins with http://....
• If you calculate the phases of the moon with Windows '95....
• If you call the Watch Towers on your cell-tell....
• If you do cord magick with ethernet....
• If you do most of your correspondence by email and sign off with Blessed Be....
• If you don't call it a ritual, you call it a Macro....
• If you draw down the moon using a light-pen....
• If you end a circle with Ctl-Alt-Del....
• If you have ever attached ribbons to a May Pole using a staple gun....
• If you invite the God and Goddess to come online....
• If you keep a Disk of Shadows (with encrypted backups)....
• If you participate in online rituals more than you do FTF....
• If you refer to deities using 3-letter acronyms (ODN, LKI, THR)....
• If you refer to eclectic ritual as cross-platforming....
• If you refer to solitary practice as a stand alone....
• If you ritually down your server for Samhain....
• If you tap into the collective unconscious using Netscape....
• If your Beltane ritual includes more than one news group....
• If your Book of Shadows has a 6-digit version number....
• If your OBE's begin with a netsplit....
• If your Star Trek screen-saver signals when your meditation period is over....
• If your Yule ritual involves defragmentation....
• If your altar cloth is a mouse pad....
• If your altar has a keyboard....
• If your athame has a SCSI interface....
• If your candles have batteries....
• If your cauldron is a crock-pot....
• If your chimes are electronic....
• If your circle is a token ring....
• If your cone of power has a surge suppressor....
• If your coven is spread over a 12,000 sq. mi. area....
• If your crystal ball has a horizontal-hold control....
• If your daemons collect news for you....
• If your deities include Murphy and Gates....
• If your drumming is done on a CD player (pre-recorded)....
• If your familiar is a computer mouse....
• If your herbs are always mail-ordered (express, overnight)....
• If your idea of a great retreat has a Computer City, electricity, and a TV nearby....
• If your incense is by Glade....
• If your magic wand is a light pen....
• If your magical name, email address, and online name are all the same....
• If your magical writing is done in binary code or C++....
• If your patron deity has a homepage....
• If your pentacle is made of computer chips....
• If your ritual robes conceal a pocket protector....
• If your search for truth involves regular expressions....
• If your tarot cards multi-task....
• If your technician compains about the wax and incense ash on your motherboard....
• If, instead of asking what tradition someone comes from, you ask what operating system they run....
• And finally, if, when your quarter candles burn out, the UPS backup system kicks in....

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