Everything you need to know

Psychology is an attempt to study the human mind objectively. The road to doing this is long and arduous, but the universaly accepted first step is to stop speaking English.
You probably don't know what I mean by that, so I'll give an example. In fact, I'll do better than that. I'll make an English-Psych babble dictionary to translate common useful phrases into psychologese.

ENGLISH	PSYCH
"You can't teach an old dog new tricks."	"Studies demonstrate that canines with extended post-natal latency show attenuated capacity for the externaly guided aquisition of novel behaviour patterns."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."	"Consumption of neo-biblical fruit substances on a schedule congruent to diurnal circadium rhythems induce a decrease in medical consultative behaviour"
"Life's a bitch and then you die."	"Pass the Valium."
"And they lived happily ever after..."	"Subjects experienced a state of positive affect, with this valence remaining unchanged for a duration extending to infinity, in conjunction with indefinately prolonged operation of biological processes."
"I think Mike Harris/Preston Manning/Rush Limbaugh is doing a GREAT job."	"Subject is suffering massive cognitive deficits, stemming from extensive prefrontal cortex damage - possibly the result of vascular insult, or official Reform Party membership's associated partial lobectomy. Provision of the subject with a shotgun and/or pickup truck is usually an effective intervention vis a vis maintanence of positive affect."

So there you have it. Now you too can participate in the noble quest for the objective exploration of the human psyche.