Sophie's general perspective was that people simply made too much of things. Particularly in the last decade or so, we have begun to push ourselves to achieve the kind of existence’s that we see on television. Perfect relationships, perfect jobs, plenty of free time, plenty of money, many vacations, and every problem resolved before the show ends. She called it the Dynasty delusion after the popular television show. As a society we have begun to lose the ability to distinguish between what is real and what is not, expecting our lives to have the same pacing and peak experiences that are required to hold our attention to a television show. As a result, we quickly become bored or restless or disenchanted when our lives do not reflect that unreality. Because of this we overstate difficult experiences and can't understand why they happen to us. One day, as we discussed the question of how to understand the up and down nature of living, she said:
"Scott Peck wrote that life can be difficult. I'd like to restate that. In life many difficult things can happen and often do. We can view them as aberrations, unnatural exceptions, or as a natural and re-occurring part of being alive. That is our choice. One makes us feel that life itself is difficult, the other does not. It's that simple. Living through difficulties, from minor annoyances to times of loss and tragedy is not easy, but much of our tension arises from the feeling, common to us all, that a normal life would not include them, that somehow, this shouldn't happen to me. The feeling that our problems are somehow unfair impairs our ability to deal with them. Look at how many people have trouble coping with the most mundane irritations such as a traffic delay or a lawn mower that won't start. Life is neither all pain or all pleasure, It is though, all choices. Life is full of things which happen, and which we then interpret as good or bad things. Don't underestimate the simple power of this understanding to completely re-orient your daily experience."
Sophie taught me that life will be experienced more fully and with more satisfaction if we learn to make good choices with respect to what we will guide our lives by. And that starts with two very basic and essential understandings:
1. Remember that pain and difficulty are not intruders into what should be a trouble free life. They are part of the whole and should be accepted as such.
2. Learn that while many things are not in our control, many others are. We can learn to make good choices in the absence of difficulties as well as in their midst. This ability to make good choices, based on sound understanding, is at the heart of living wisely and at rest.
Life is choices. From the very mundane to the pivotal they form our history. Our life at the present is the sum total of the choices we have made. Difficulties will intrude unexpectedly, things which we can not anticipate or control, but even then we are making choices. Choices that will decide how they will ultimately impact our lives. Making consistently good choices will not avoid difficulties, but it will allow us to do our best and then to be content that we have, since most of our anxiety grows out of the feeling that we could have done it better, wishing that we could do it over. And true to her teaching, Sophie stressed not the mystical but the practical elements of choice.
"The most fundamental choices we will make involve how we will choose to approach our life in it's day to day activities. There is little value in pondering how man came to be if we cannot live well now that we are here."
Over the course of the next year our talks revolved around this idea, that our choices mold our experience, and that they should be based on sound and proven principles, and that those principles, when consistently applied lead us into wisdom. That is the path. These were never trendy or mystical, didn’t involve out of body experiences or past life regression. They may seem dull to our experience- seeking generation, but Sophie always said that wisdom comes from the spirit, and is concerned with peace-fullness or rest-fullness rather than experience. The things we spoke about were specifics to living well and in a way which cultivates peacefulness and so cultivates wisdom. They take effort, they often require discipline, but as she said on so many occasions, if you are serious about getting a handle on your life and growing into a stronger, more assured person, they are a must. We spoke of many things, of truth and responsibility. Of reality and myth, acceptance and perspective. Of what should be and of all that is. And much more besides. The time I had with Sophia was far too short, and yet, like a sudden spring storm, was filled with an intensity of light and charge, a compression of experience which afterward let me both calmed and electrified.
This ends the introduction. In the chapters which follow, we'll take a look at the specific principles which Sophia taught me for living wisely and well.
