Travels With Tillie
Our travel writer, Ms. Vampster, Queen of Oregon's Squeeze Those Buns Into Spandex and Sweat Society, and past president of the Daughters of the Enemies of Cellulite/Northwest Chapter, has recently returned from a tour of London, Budapest and Vienna, accompanied by her consort, the Ever Faithful Harold. The trip was a huge success, judged by past adventures of Ms. V, as we still retain diplomatic relations with Britain, Austria and Hungary, and not one shot was fired in her direction. WAY TO GO VAMPS!! The following is the journal of her travels....done in the inimitable style of the incomparable Ms. V.
Hiya!!!!
We got home last eve after a 22 hour ride home.... Nothing more wonderful
than stepping into ones home.
Ok.... I wont bore you to tears with endless descriptions that you could
see for yourselves on the "Learning Channel"... but since I have your
attention, just a couple of notes...
Harold lost his shorts (that I washed and hung to dry on a wooden hanger)
off the balcony in our royal suite in Budapest!!!!.... Hey, from the 10th
floor someone got a hanger with a pair of jockeys for the treat of their
life. NOW..... listen to this: I have a friend, whose hubby used to be
in the secret service and now works as a body guard and front man for a
wealthy sheik. The Sheik's ass is royally kissed wherever he goes and
thus we were {{{UPGRADED}}} to a three room suite in both Budapest and
Vienna!!! Gawd..... nothing like grand style but still hanging shorts and
socks in the two bathrooms!
We adored Budapest... and I have a story or two about both the other stops
in Vienna and London... Sooooooooo.... let me know via a return email if
I should continue with our tales from the Vienna Woods!
Right now... I have done five loads of stinky laundry... and have to put
away all the soaps, lotions and other sundry items that I stuck into the
suit case since they were given to make our stay at the suites even a bit
nicer... (Harold would not allow me to bring home the hand painted china
cups from our afternoon tea)
I am not able to send my salutations in neither Hungarian, Viennese, and
even in English the Londoners were hard to understand!
Soooooooooooooo.... for now..
- Tillie
HiYA!!!
By popular demand.... ok.. at least six of you anyway.. here is another installment of our trip.
Just as a background here.. Harold and I are *both* college grads.. we had
a bit of language requirements in college and I, of course, am bilingual
(english and some misspelling).
At an outdoor cafe in Vienna facing some building with statues (with a bit
of pidgeon shit on their heads).. we first had to request an "english
menu". Harold always inquires about the soup of the day (seeee, real men
dont eat quiche but they do slurp). The waiter responded to the soup as
"WHEEL"..... Now.. you smart asses.. what the heck is that?
Being of curious nature and also having no shame... I forced out a loud
{{{HUH????}}} and got the response of "WHEEL" again... still, I felt that
Harold would not be satisfied without his soup and thus "WHAT KIND OF
SOUP??". The waiter then pointed to a word that covers almost every line
on Viennese menus.... *VEAL*....
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.... they didnt even have a good Jewish Chicken Soup!
Hey..... I didnt promise you a rose garden, did I? Chapter 3 to be
continued and names requesting WILL be published!
- Tillie
Hiya!!!
First of all, I wonder if those that are giving me the big bull story about "loving my stories" are not running to the bathroom with the third installment? This next episode is too hot and one should exercise some caution!
The flight from Eugene, Orgeon to London was 14 hours counting layover time.. then toss in that morning that we woke up at *YAWN* dawn with the excitement.. (actually, I have to pee and wake up by nature)...
NOW... we arrive after a wonderful 1st class trip tired, as it it was a long haul. Since it was midday in London... we ran out and hopped on a bus and toured the city, followed by a beer. Come the nightfall, we jumped in bed ready with visions of sugar plums in our heads.. (not a bad Xmas carol for a jewish gal, huh?).... AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKK.....
A fire alarm goes off.... I grab my purse with the passports, Harold grabs his pants (to cover up the shorts that were to be later lost in Budapest) and off we go into the elevator with the rest of the guests.
NOW..... here is the reason why I said that caution needed to be taken..From here on.. you can all use your dirty minds to imagine what the rest of the guests were dressed like!!!
Ta Ta .... (good British ending)
- Tillie
Hiya!!!
Episode Four takes place in the Folkcraft store in Budapest where we had
to go for Iris' T-shirt. You know... the woman has to have her T-shirts
all with the letter *B*.... ie, "Buffalo---Buckingham---Budapest".
Harold spotted a couple of Spainards sporting their Armani Attire but
being denied the combination of Fortins along with Pesetas to pay for
their purchase. Of course, he whips out a $500 Fortin and gives it to
them to assist with the transaction. Heyyyyyyyy.... now you will all have
to run to your section in the business news to figure out the exchange
rate!!!
However.... Harold, can say that he contributed to the Fund in Madrid
called, "WE SHOULD HAVE HELD ON TO MIAMI"!!!
Zerox copies of this and previous selections to be soon available.
- Tillie
