STREET SMARTS FOR REPUBLICANS
from LIFE IN HELL, 1995, MATT
GROENING
Be careful out there.
It may seem like a Republican world, but there are still many people who
don't realize they aren't normal.
Avoid areas of town where the burden of welfare has been lifted. The
locals just aren't grateful yet.
Don't bother explaining how getting rid of affirmative action will end
racism in America once and for all.
Do NOT say this: "Don't white males deserve a fair shake for once??" They
just won't understand.
Beware of homosexuals and their radical gay agenda, dark skinned illegal
immigrants who don't even speak english and counterculture McGoverniks
having sex and abortions just for the fun of it.
If you see any small street urchins who look like they don't have weapons,
you might consider cheering them up with the good news of Republican
reforms. "Hey, Poor Kids! There'll be no more free school lunches, but
soon you'll be able to pray in school for anything you want--EVEN FOOD!!"
And always remember to be a caring Republican.
Step OVER the homeless, not on them.