A eulogy was published on the 41plus fallen page for Hawke1, Dennis Anderson, written by someone who,
from merely meeting him at a party, had the arrogance (that seems kinder than to attribute it
to stupidity) to claim knowledge of his character and soul. This despite the fact that there is
proof from his family, friends and lover to dispute the charges made on there,
that those who told the truth were making up stories out of whole cloth for devious and
hidden reasons of their own. The fact that someone doesn't like the truth does not make it
untrue. Welcome to reality, not some black and white world where you are either saint or
sinner, the lines are sharply drawn and who fits on which side is a totally subjective
judgement, based on whether you say things that please the "judges" or not.
That the eulogy appeared on 41plus in the first place, since Dennis' feelings towards that
channel were very well known and he was a member of #Ageless, among other channels, is
but another example of the hypocrisy and dishonesty rampant on there. If Dennis were so
close to each of you who are so loudly and publicly proclaiming your grief, why is it none of
you were given the means or the opportunity to speak to him or get updates on him when he
knew his life was on the line? There were only two people he trusted and cared for enough
to make those arrangements for, and no one reading this now was one of the two.
The eulogy to which I refer was written by a self-proclaimed capital "C" Christian,
which should have been enough to alert the reader to what was coming, since real, small "c"
christians live their beliefs, they do not spend their time or energy telling people about them.
They have no need to; their lives are a testament to their beliefs. The last time I looked, I
noticed a commandment that said something about "bearing false witness". To make
accusations and charges against people without being able to back them up with proof
amounts to slander. I may be wrong, but I don't think slander is a very "christian" act.
Dante condemned slanderers to an eternity spent flinging feces at each other. How perfect.
To find out that someone I cared for so deeply, whose honesty I had never questioned, had
been living a double life and doing it so successfully, shook me to my core. I alternated
between disbelief, horror, pain, denial and a kind of grudging admiration. Who would have
believed that my dear friend, a man as basic and American as apple pie and Fourth of July,
was capable of carrying off such a complex and devious lie? However, when I saw the pain
and destruction the discovery of his deception caused his family, his lover and her family
and his friends, the admiration soon faded and I was left again with the pain of knowing that
for all the closeness, all the sharing, all the laughter and all the tears over the years, I hardly
could lay claim to knowing who or what Dennis was at all.
I have tried, in the time since
Dennis has gone, to sort out what was true and what was not true about the friend I thought
I knew so well. All I know is that I will never know, because the one person who could tell
me is gone forever.
Dennis was my friend. There are things which no one can take from me and memories I will
treasure. When I gave up smoking... there was Dennis, who proclaimed he would give
it up too to keep me company, and did. When I was down, sad or upset... there was Dennis
to make me laugh about something, no matter how far down he had to reach to give me the
gift of laughter. He listened to my worries, he rejoiced at my triumphs, he celebrated my
good times and hurt over my bad times. He was always available, interested and caring.
Who else but Dennis could shoot me a message out of nowhere "get off the damned puter...I
am tired of listening to busy signals." Who else would bid money to buy a pair of socks I
had worn, get on cuseeme so I could watch him blow me kisses and show off his clothing
purchases and laundry disasters, and stuff my email with cyber flowers and cards, something
that would set my teeth on edge from anyone else and yet, coming from Dennis, was so
perfect and 'him" I merely got a kick out of it.
The charm, the warmth, the funniness of Dennis was real. No matter what persona he
adapted, those are things that can't be manufactured, contrived or stolen. The memories I
cling to of him are his essence, the part of him that only Dennis could bring to a friendship.
For the rest, Dennis did what Dennis did for reasons I will never be privy to. Those died
with him. I would have given a lot to have had the opportunity to discover how much more
there was to the friend I thought I knew so well and who proved to be even more fascinating
in death than he was in life.
For everything you were and weren't, Dennis, I miss and will miss you tremendously and
there is a void in my life because you are no longer here to share with me. Rest in peace,
my friend and every once in a while, look down and give me a little thwappp! You always knew just when I needed one.
