Allegations that the President of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton, has been sexually active with someone other than his spouse, have caused a furor to erupt, with demands of resignation or impeachment being heard. Either choice is far too merciful - an infraction as reprehensible as having an extra-marital affair calls for death. It is noted with regret that drawing and quartering has fallen out of favor and been outlawed as a method of execution. Unfortunately, we must reluctantly content ourselves with the limp-wristed, sissy forms of legal death our leftist, pinko, bleeding heart pols have left us with - lethal injection, electrocution or firing squad.

In reflecting on our nation's shame, it occurs to me that most of our past presidents have been guilty of the same sort of heinous behavior, an affront to all we hold dear. While, alas, it is too late for Mr. Clinton, the time has come to consider prevention, rather than punishment, assuring that future leaders not fall victim to the same siren songs their predecessors found so alluring.

I would like to propose a combined inauguration and castration ceremony. We will have both a swearing in and a swearing off event. The term "Inaugural Balls" will be even more meaningful as the many balls already held will be joined by two more never again to be held. - thus lifting the festivities out of the realm of the frivolous and into the category of great moral examples of commitment and purpose.

The donated items will, of course, be kept on display at the White House during the donor's term of office, but on the occasion of his stepping down, one hopes he would be strongly encouraged to donate them to the Smithsonian Institute, rather than the presidential libraries scattered all over our states. This way we may enjoy two displays, "The Hall of Presidents" and "The Balls of Presidents."

As a gesture of solidarity and support as well as a sign of our firm commitment to family values, monogamy and morality, it would behoove every adult male citizen who has been guilty of the same offense as our President to volunteer for the same treatment, castration, in order that our loudly expressed moral outrage and indignation not be viewed by the rest of the world as self-serving, partisan hypocrisy, but as the sincere cry of a deeply offended people.

Of course, we could eliminate the need for any of the above. We could, after all, elect a woman.