The Canteen Card Thing
Who invented canteen cards? Probably the same person who invented green squishy mattresses. No offense if you are, in actuality, the person who thought up the idea of canteen cards, because it is really a great idea at that.
They should be laminated, though, or made out of metal. What we need is industrial strength canteen cards. They can still be orangish-yellow. That’s okay. But little pieces of construction paper don’t last a week with ten year olds.
I don’t understand how the kids can get their canteen cards so beat up in a matter of sixty seconds.
"I need my canteen card to buy some gimp."
"Okay." Out from my pocket comes a brand new, never been used, mint condition canteen card. What I get back is something that looks like it’s been through trench warfare.
What happened to it? I gave it to the kid. The kid gave it to Theresa to get some gimp with. The kid got it back. Yet when it returns to my pocket it has smudge marks, ripped corners, and a hole in the middle of it.
It must be one of those mysteries in life like how the washer and dryer can be empty, yet the number of socks you replace in the drawers is not the same number you put into the appliances.
Another thing about canteen cards, they can make a person very powerful. Never underestimate the power of a canteen card. As a counselor, they can get you just about anything besides 50-yard line Super Bowl tickets.
They should change that commercial from "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" to "What would you do for your canteen card?"
This is what a kid can get with a canteen card: gimp and junk food. Both are addicting, but both are bad for you. But both are a necessity.
The easiest way to start a riot at camp is to say, "Uh oh, I don’t know where the canteen cards are."
Campers don’t understand that they have to give their canteen cards to their own, personal counselor. I end up with many canteen cards from kids I don’t even know, but after canteen I never have the five I am supposed to have.
No matter how many times we tell them that they have to give their cards to their own counselor, they will just give them to the closest person sixteen or older. Sometimes they give them to the deans or other campers, just as long as they no longer are responsible for them.
Counselors have to go around swapping them. It reminds me of little kids trading baseball cards:
"I’ll trade you an Abby for a Bobby."
"Don’t have a Bobby, but I do have Danielle and Robin."
"Oh, I need a Danielle."
"I’ll trade you Danielle’s for Beth’s and Dave’s."
"Deal."
"No take backs."
They expect you to always have their canteen card. If there was a fire, they’d leave their stuffed animals and money, but any kid would go back inside a burning cabin for his canteen card.